Wedding - what would you do?

[LottiesMum21]

DH's brother is getting married in Italy in May. DD will be 14months. The wedding is child free. There are events every day in the evening which DD can go to but they all start 30 minutes before her bedtime. The wedding itself is in the day but DD isn't invited to attend the ceremony, dinner or speeches. Various family have spoken to the B&G - they aren't budging. They seem to think it'll be OK to use a babysitter in the day and leave DD alone in hotel room at night. I'm not happy about either. Honestly I'm absolutely dreading it - DH will have to go to all the events as it's his brother which leaves me to do childcare alone in a foreign country. The whole family is going and I know if I say I don't want to go I'll be seen as making a fuss. Should I suck it up for family harmony or dig my heels in and stay in the UK while the whole extended family lives it large in amalfi? (We've already shelled out £££ for flights)

Genuinely interested - what would you do?

I would absolutely not be leaving a child alone in a hotel room.

How can they even think that's acceptable?

I wouldn’t go. You’ll spend every evening sitting alone in a hotel room (because of course you can’t leave your DD alone!) and it’s DH’s brother so he has to be involved.

I agree. Your OH should be supporting you.
The only thing I can suggest is to use the hotel babysitting service if they have one.

They want you to leave a 14 month old baby alone in a hotel room all evening?!

Can't you go for the daytime things, take DD to part of the evenings, and use the hotel babysitting service for the actual wedding?

Didn't they tell you it was child free before flights were booked?

Get your husband to figure it out, it’s his child and his shitty relatives that are causing the problem. Obviously the baby won’t be left alone in a hotel, so what’s his solution?

Is ‘being seen as making a fuss’ something you’d give a single fuck about?

Stay at home! Save alot of money, stress & boredom!

I’d stay in the U.K. with DD unless there’s anything you want to do with her in the daytime on the other days there. No way would I leave her in the hotel, wtf. And who is going to baby sit if the whole family is at the event? They are clueless.

They want you to leave her alone in a hotel room?
Have they never heard of Madeleine McCann??

They sound like selfish pricks tbh. I'd just go for the holiday and not go to the wedding or any events

I would leave DH to go and I wouldn't. Quite frankly I think it's ridiculous that they expect you to fly out to another country with a very young child to attend a wedding your child isn't invited to, and then you are expected to leave your child with a random babysitter, or worse, alone!
If you've paid for flights and accommodation, go for the holiday and do something nice with DD on the day.

I'm usually on the B&G side for child free weddings (had one myself and going to 3 this year...) but this sounds awful even to me!

I would be staying at home and changing DHs flights so he goes out for the wedding itself and all the other 'events' can buggar off!!!

Does the hotel have a pool or is it near a meal a nice beach? Would your DH have some time away from wedding stuff? If so then I would go and make the most of it. Take some good books and download a few things to watch in the evening. I sure as hell wouldn't be leaving my child in a hotel room on their own though. I also wouldn't be happy using a babysitting service but I do understand that lots of people are ok with this.

Personally, I'd not go as it doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun and I wouldn't really care what the rest of the family thought.

Or I'd go because you paid for flights and say that I'm staying with my child, DH can go to the wedding stuff, I'd be by the pool instead. I'd be fine being in a different country on my own, that wouldn't bother me, but I'd not be trying to accommodate everyone else.

I would absolutely not be going. I hope when they have their own kids in a few years they are embarrassed by this absolute shambles of an invitation.

DH should go but you will be miserable in a hotel room with DD.

Get DH to tell the B and G that, sadly, you are unable to attend.

Maybe you can get the money back for your ticket or sell it (with a name change) to another guest.

Italians excluding children from a wedding?!

If they're not Italian and having a very inconvenient destination wedding then you can't go.

DH would be going alone to that one.
You've bought the flights whatever. No point making yourself even more miserable by using them, and if you can get a refund, bonus!

I wouldnt be going- the child is family too - and I wouldnt trust a babysitter in a foreign country where I have no idea who they are/ their checks etc.

If it was me in this position I wouldn't go. People who have destination and/or child free weddings should understand that it will be impossible for some people to go. And surely B&G could budge a little for their brothers child?!

First thing that sprang to mind is you don’t leave a young child alone with n a hotel room, Madeleine McCann!
I’d stay home and don’t worry what others think, it will be so much easier to care for dd at home.

I just wouldn't go.
Would those suggesting that the OP uses the babysitting service really be happy with a complete stranger looking after their 14 month old? I certainly wouldn't.

As for suggesting that she leaves the 14 month old in a room on her own - words fail me. Haven't they heard of Madeleine McCann?

I'd take my child to one of the evening events (one later night won't hurt) but otherwise enjoy my time there with my child - going for walks, seeing the sights, doing a bit of shopping. Let your DH enjoy the wedding.

Otherwise, he can go on his own, but you say you've spent already. And if there's no budging the bride and groom, I'd make a point by being absent and enjoying my holiday with my child.

If refusing to leave your dd alone is making a fuss then fucking fuss away op!! Is yuri dh usually such a sap?

I don't understand why you booked the flights

I wouldn't go, and I think my dh would have booked flights for a day either side of the wedding.

If you choose to have a wedding abroad, you can expect that some people won't be able to go.
If you choose to have a childfree wedding then again, some people won't go.
If you choose to have a child free wedding abroad, then the group of people not able to go gets larger.

The evening things you can shift her bed time so she can join in, remember it's very different out there, big afternoon nap and DC stay up later and hopefully sleep in too?

Let the family help looking after her during these events.

You may be thankful for family free time on the day of the wedding itself!

If you've already paid up I would definitely go.