DD2 was born after 2 missed mc when I was 43 yo. I always wanted DDs and after DD1 (now 21) I had 3 x DSs. (now 20 to 16). I have a history of depression. That's the background.
When DD2 was first born I constantly checked her to make sure she was breathing, just like I did with the other 4. However she is 9 months old and I'm still doing it. I can't sleep even when she does because I wake up to make sure she is still alive. In the car when she isn't screaming I have to check her.
I went to midnight mass with my mum and DD1 this year, leaving DD2 (awake) with DH and the DSs. I spent the first half of the service tormenting myself with visions of her falling down the stairs/ choking/ suffocating. Of course she was fine when I got back.
This isn't normal, is it? Can anyone else relate to this? Do I need to see someone?