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Original poster

When you've had your last baby - how did you feel?

79 replies

Howtotameyourtoddler · 07/01/2022 20:25

I have two children, a three year old daughter and a three week old son.

For a multitude of reasons, my husband and I have agreed not to have any more children and he wants a vasectomy. I know that this is the right decision for our family and that we are beyond lucky to have had two healthy babies. I also suffered from PND, I was miserable for the last bit of my pregnancy and I'm currently processing a very distressing birth with DS. I'm excited to focus on raising our two growing children, and on reclaiming my career, body and social life. I see our future as a family of four and I am entirely happy and content with that.

BUT even knowing all of this, I feel a deep sadness at the thought that that's it. I'll never be pregnant again, never give birth or meet my newborn baby again, never breastfeed again. All the anticipation of a new baby - the pregnancy tests, the appointments, the scans, the lists of names, the kicks - I won't get to experience that again. It feels so silly, but I feel really sad about leaving this phase of my life behind.

Has anyone else felt like this? How long did it last, and did you just eventually get over it?

Ps I'm aware that my postnatal hormones have probably got something to do with this. But if I'm feeling like this now, when I'm living through the sleep deprivation, the colic, the endless nappies and the birth trauma, what am I going to be like in a couple of rose-tinted years?!

OP posts:
Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 07/01/2022 20:34

I haven't been able to get rid of ds's stuff - including 5 prams...
Blush. Ds is 7.

ButterflyBitch · 07/01/2022 20:38

I don’t feel sad about it at all. I was so horrendously poorly in both my pregnancies that I know if I ever fell pregnant I’d struggle to know what to do about it. I have been sterilised you make sure it doesn’t happen. I do miss the baby days and cuddles with a tiny one but I hated being pregnant. Every single second of it so I think I felt relief. Now the kids are a bit older, I can’t imagine going back to it. It’s finding that acceptance really and I reached that stage quite soon after my daughter was born. Give yourself time to come to terms with it and really be sure before you make any long term decisions.

Sausagesausagesausage · 07/01/2022 20:40

Relieved. I knew we were done and I've seen loads of tiny newborns since and feel nothing but relief (once I've had the "aw so cute" moment) whereas pre baby 2, I felt that pang of wanting another baby every time I saw a little one.

A third would mean significant changes to our lifestyle, house and what we could afford to do with the children. I feel like we're both done, mentally and emotionally. DH is off for the snip at the end of the month.

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M1RR0R · 07/01/2022 20:41

Sad. I don’t think I’d ever feel ‘done’ though even if I had 10. I love pregnancy & the miracle of growing a baby & giving birth.
DS is 9 months so hoping it goes away…

Biscuitsneeded · 07/01/2022 20:45

I felt sad. I would happily have had a third child, but DP didn't agree. However, once DS2 got to about 3 I started to realise things were getting easier, and that wouldn't have been the case if I had had another one.

ToastCrumbsOnAPlate · 07/01/2022 20:45

I'm relieved. My last pregnancy was so stressful as it followed a late loss that I doubt that I could go through it again. Also , our youngest is autistic , and as wonderful as he is , he struggles with sleep. It wouldn't be fair to have another in our situation.

Ragwort · 07/01/2022 20:48

I didn't feel at all sad ... but I absolutely knew that I only wanted one and would never have to go through pregnancy, birth etc again.

BeanyBops · 07/01/2022 20:49

Relieved. A few weeks in with DD1 I realised 'this is awful... I don't ever want to do this again... Hang on, I dont have to do this again if I don't want to!'. Thought I'd change my mind later on, but DD is 2 next month and much as I love her, time has only cemented those feelings. Sometimes I feel sad she won't have siblings, and I expect that feeling to get worse as she gets older tbh, but my feelings seem to be the exact opposite of yours. A deep seated 'thank fuck I'm never doing this again'.

Echobelly · 07/01/2022 20:49

Fine - neither especially happy nor sad. In an ideal world I'd have had three like my mum but it would have meant so much more financial stress - we'd have needed a bigger car, a bigger home, another three years of childcare fees when my salary didn't even cover 2 sets simultaneously - so I'd long since made the decision it just wasn't a goer and I never regretted it.

KylieKangaroo · 07/01/2022 20:50

Relieved! My second pregnancy nearly broke me and I'm so glad I never have to do it again!

WhatsWrongWithMyUsername · 07/01/2022 20:57

When DC2 was around 6 weeks old I was all for having another one. Quickly. I think I was on a high after coping with a newborn and a toddler and I thought the hardest bits were behind me.

The feeling wore off in time - each time I got past a difficult stage (hurray no more nappies ever! Hurray no more night feeds ever!), or I encountered new difficulties (siblings fighting constantly…). It became clear we struggle to cope with two children, let alone any more!

Once we got past the toddler years in particular I knew for certain I’d never want to go back to that!

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 07/01/2022 21:19

Absolutely fine.
I had hyperemisis in both pg, an emcs abs a crash cs, and I was nearly 41 when I had my second child. She’s 10 now, I’ve never felt a moment’s broodiness.

Ihaveoflate · 07/01/2022 21:19

Relieved. I have one child and every milestone we reach away from babyhood (weaning, potty training etc.) only makes me think 'thank g_d I'll never have to do that again'.

Blueberryblueberry · 07/01/2022 21:30

I felt sad when I was 'in it' with a newborn and even an older baby.... I had friends with older children who'd say they could 'never go back' and I just couldn't imagine ever feeling that. Once the DC started getting older though, the thought of going back to babies, nappies, naps etc became much less appealing as my focus was on the DC I had, and basically accepting the decision to stop at 2 and just focus on enjoying it. So much of what we do now just wouldn't be possible/or would be particularly difficult (types of holidays, sports activities we do), if we'd had a third. Hormones definitely play a part - I think I'm a bit sad I couldn't convince DH to have a third, but I'm literally one of those people cuddling newborns and saying (and meaning) I could never go back. (There are also lots of babies in our family so I've never quite got to that rose tinted stage as there's always a baby crying, needing to be fed or put down for a nap which probably helps 😂)

dementedma · 07/01/2022 21:32

Very happy. I was sterilised during my final C section and done with babies.

ZoeTheThornyDevil · 07/01/2022 21:35

I felt pretty similarly until my second child was 3. Then I felt I came out of the baby fog and now the more we move away from the baby phase and I see the advantage of more independent older kids, the more I'm glad DH took the choice away from me by having the snip. I honestly think my feelings were about half post birth hormones and half just not wanting to face that the childbearing part of my life is over. But now I am looking forward to the next stage more and more.

furbabymama87 · 07/01/2022 21:39

I was sterilised during my fourth section. I knew it was the right decision as 4 children is enough for me and I didn't want to risk my health further. I thought there might be moments of regret but there never have been, I just feel as though that stage of my life is over and it's a relief in a way.

PumpkinPickle22 · 07/01/2022 21:49

Relieved!
I have 1 and although I’m sad my lo won’t have a sibling I am very relieved I don’t have to do it again.
I hated being pregnant, hated seeing healthcare professionals and midwives all the time, hated hated giving birth and hated hated looking after a new born. I had very bad PND and PNA and I’m glad I’ve never got to experience that again.

I never feel excited when I see babies in fact they make me feel very panicked!
Even looking at new born clothes makes me feel sick

I have an amazing 7 year old and now
Love being a mum

PumpkinPickle22 · 07/01/2022 21:50

@Ihaveoflate

Relieved. I have one child and every milestone we reach away from babyhood (weaning, potty training etc.) only makes me think 'thank g_d I'll never have to do that again'.
Amen!
Junobug · 07/01/2022 22:06

I have 4. I've now got to that stage of being grateful that I won't have to wean, and change nappies again. My youngest still isn't a good sleeper and I can't wait until I can sleep again. I can't wait until dh and I can go away for a weekend on our own again. I want a job where I can use my brain instead of feeling like an unpaid housekeeper.
I don't think anyone, friends and family would be surprised if I had a couple more but I feel done and I didn't until I'd had no.4.
I will always love babies, I will always have that feeling of wanting more and I do sometimes feel that sadness and jealousy when I see new mums but I recognise that it is completely hormonal and not rational and I think some of us will always feel like that.

Porthia · 07/01/2022 22:11

I think I will always have a teensy bit of me that wants a baby, BUT I’ve come to accept that I have had all the babies I ever will have and the hormonal drive to have more (which peaked when my youngest was about 18 months) is getting less and less. I think I could be persuaded if DH wanted another but he definitely doesn’t and I’m quite pleased that I don’t have to be pregnant and give birth again!

wonderstuff · 07/01/2022 22:15

I was a bit sad about not having a newborn again, but after two horrific pregnancies I have never been more sure of anything, I never ever want to do that again.

Now my youngest is 11 I’m really happy to be in a stage where they’re less dependent and I can start to be a bit more selfish again. I’m a much happier mum to older children than I was as a mum to tiny ones.

MondeoFan · 07/01/2022 22:19

I don't mind the pregnancies it's the births I'm not a fan of. Second birth much worse than the first. When I had my 2nd I was 42 so knew I was done. I've treasured every moment

Scottishflower65 · 07/01/2022 22:22

After 6, still sad. Tubes tied as womb over stretched. But also relieved.

YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators · 07/01/2022 22:22

Elated!