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Original poster

When you've had your last baby - how did you feel?

79 replies

Howtotameyourtoddler · 07/01/2022 20:25

I have two children, a three year old daughter and a three week old son.

For a multitude of reasons, my husband and I have agreed not to have any more children and he wants a vasectomy. I know that this is the right decision for our family and that we are beyond lucky to have had two healthy babies. I also suffered from PND, I was miserable for the last bit of my pregnancy and I'm currently processing a very distressing birth with DS. I'm excited to focus on raising our two growing children, and on reclaiming my career, body and social life. I see our future as a family of four and I am entirely happy and content with that.

BUT even knowing all of this, I feel a deep sadness at the thought that that's it. I'll never be pregnant again, never give birth or meet my newborn baby again, never breastfeed again. All the anticipation of a new baby - the pregnancy tests, the appointments, the scans, the lists of names, the kicks - I won't get to experience that again. It feels so silly, but I feel really sad about leaving this phase of my life behind.

Has anyone else felt like this? How long did it last, and did you just eventually get over it?

Ps I'm aware that my postnatal hormones have probably got something to do with this. But if I'm feeling like this now, when I'm living through the sleep deprivation, the colic, the endless nappies and the birth trauma, what am I going to be like in a couple of rose-tinted years?!

OP posts:

MuchTooTired · 07/01/2022 22:29

I’m torn over it really. When my DTs are adorable and aren’t ripping each other apart, or I’m sorting out another outgrown batch of clothes I feel so upset that I’m never going to experience a new baby again, nor have the perfect experience I wanted. On the flip side, when they’re being absolute nightmares I’m relieved that I don’t ever have to go through this stage ever again, and I’m starting to get my life back just a little bit.

I’ve recently been feeling more and more sad, and like I would like another. DH is adamant that he’s done though, and I don’t think that’ll change. I just hope I don’t end up feeling resentful that I didn’t get a say in the decision. I don’t even know if I could handle another!

Mylittlepixie · 07/01/2022 22:30

I think its all very normal. DH got a vasectomy when DC 2 was 6 months. Shes 6 years old now.
So many relatives and friends including my sister and SIL had babies in the last 6 months and I really caught the baby fever. I was questioning if we made the right choice. Ive been baby sitting my niece one day per week for the last 6 months and i can tell you i definitely made the right choice! Its cute and all but its also exhausting and im so glad when i can return her at the end of the day.

Driposaurus · 07/01/2022 22:32

I felt “done” but nostalgic after I’d had my last.

My last was a surprise, we hadn’t made our minds up but #2 was a “difficult” baby and any rational decision would have made him our last. I’m very glad my body made an irrational decision ;)

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Showpan · 07/01/2022 22:33

Excited to not have the difficult baby stages again. Two under 2 has been tricky and harder than imagined, one baby was a breeze.

Jsh125 · 07/01/2022 22:35

I totally understand where you're coming from, we always knew two was our ideal & once our second arrived I definitely felt a bit sad that I wouldn't do any of this again. My youngest turned 3 a few days ago & I still have the little pang of 'no more babies' but on the whole that's faded over time & I know that if I found out I was pregnant my overwhelming feeling would be 'oh crap'. It's faded over time for definite and I honestly couldn't see us going back to the baby stage & all its craziness

stairgates · 07/01/2022 22:39

For me I had to get to the point of feeling absolute dread at the thought of another baby to be able to say the last is my last, the longing feeling by human design is very hard to get rid of without a traumatic experience to help it on its way in my experience, so go with sensible rather than feeling :)

Popskipiekin · 07/01/2022 22:41

It’s the nostalgia over the tiny baby bit that gets me sometimes. I absolutely adored the little baby stage - I was lucky, both our babies were fairly calm and gave me better sleep than many people get - and I do miss it, but I know I could never go back. DS2 is 5 now, and it just works well for us with two kids. I’m glad my SIL is pregnant with number 2 and I will get a little baby to fuss over and help out with in a few months time - so that’s how I plan to get over the broodiness: find other babies DH and I hope we might foster when the boys are grown up. It’s a head over heart decision. Life would be much harder with a 3rd, and I just know our boys would have less of me if we went for number 3, so it’s best for them that we don’t. I’m not 40 yet but I’m mentally preparing myself for a rush of hormones and the need for another baby in a couple of years time, but I’ll just need to fight and override it when it comes!

MissSmiley · 07/01/2022 22:46

I don't think it's all about broodiness, you're on to a new life stage when you finish having kids, I had endometrial ablation in my early forties during the peri menopause and I had to accept at the stage I agreed to it that there would be no more kids, I knew I didn't want anymore but I was still sad that my fertile (lol 9 rounds of ivf 🤣) years were over and that I was getting older.

Thesearmsofmine · 07/01/2022 22:54

Sad, youngest is 5 now and I still have fleeting moments of sadness but not often. It was worst for me when he was around 3 which would have been the time when we would have ttc if it had been an option.

DramaAlpaca · 07/01/2022 23:18

I felt done and complete after my third child was born.

Nadiae · 07/01/2022 23:48

I had my fourth a few weeks ago and feel exactly the same as you. Four is definitely enough for us and I’ve been ridiculously lucky with my pregnancies and births and feel like another would be seriously tempting fate (felt like that about no 4 tbh!) but I’m sad this phase of our lives is nearly over even though it’s hard! The excitement, anticipation, the growing bond and unbelievable love when they arrive, watching them grow and develop their own personalities, developing sibling relationships, I love it all. Don’t love pregnancy or sleep deprivation or the logistics and mess and noise but honestly I would do it again if we had the money, space and time… I think.

DH has said he’ll get a vasectomy and part of me wants to get the coil instead just in case, but the other part thinks that’s just prolonging the agony and maybe I need the closure of a vasectomy to properly move on. I think if the possibility was still there I’d constantly be thinking “what if”. But not sure I’m ready to render it completely impossible either. Even though any more than four would be utter madness. Gah!!

Xmasbaby11 · 07/01/2022 23:54

I have 2 and it's what we wanted. A few days after dd 2 was born, I sat on the sofa with us all and had an overwhelming feeling of completeness, like we're all here now.

Never changed my mind or felt broody and the dds are 8 and 10, and I'm 45! It's a good thing too because for various important practical reasons, it would have been unwise to have another (my health, money, Dh's agesl, dd1's autism).

PermanentTemporary · 07/01/2022 23:57

Broodiness died when I had ds. I didn't expect it but I never felt it again. I dud feel patches of intense sadness that he'd be an only, probably will always have those, but for myself I only feel liberated from those thoughts.

Justajot · 07/01/2022 23:59

I just felt "done". We struggled to make a decision about having a second, so there was never any doubt that our second would be our last.

My clearest memory of knowing we were done was when DD2 arrived and we were told she was a girl. The thought that crossed my mind was "that's it, I'll never have a son". But the thought was entirely without emotion, either good or bad, just a fact.

Aria2015 · 08/01/2022 00:03

After my second, I felt super broody for a third for the first 9 months. I was Googling 'will I regret not having a third child'! But it's worn off now and I'm loving two and not pining for a third. I feel content now. When I had my first, I'd get sooo broody at my Timehop but this time around, I love remembering back (she's nearly 18 months now), but I'm not 'I want to do it again'. So for me at least, it did wear off. But not because anything put me off. My feelings just changed from feeling like 'I don't want to be done' to 'I enjoy what I have'.

sweetkitty · 08/01/2022 00:03

I had 4 babies in under 6 years and when FS was born I knew I was done. It was as if all my broodiness just left me. The thought of another baby terrified me. DH had a vasectomy and I went on the mini pill just in case. I did get a few wee awe moments putting away his newborn clothes but they were fleeting. Whenever I see a pregnant women I just think I’m so glad it’s not me (I had horrendous SPD) I feel so done with that part of my life, I’m onto the next part now.

Original poster

Howtotameyourtoddler · 08/01/2022 07:13

So interesting to hear other's experiences. Sounds like most of you felt relieved! I'm hoping that sense of freedom will come in time.

I've woken up after a very restless night with the baby, I can barely open my eyes for tiredness, and I'm immediately being directed in some elaborate dog role-play by the three year old. In moments like this, I'm happy not to have another!

OP posts:

Matbest · 08/01/2022 07:19

I felt very content and relieved I didn't need to do it again! I just knew we were done.

Ijustlovethem · 08/01/2022 07:28

After all 3 of my DCs I felt an overwhelming urge for another. After the 3rd however, that went away really quickly - and now my youngest is 3, whilst I feel a bit wistful at the thought of pregnancy/the excitement and anticipation/the newborn stage, I have absolutely no desire for another and feel zero grief about it. I just feel very done, especially now life it getting significantly easier with them all.

zebrarobot · 08/01/2022 07:32

Dd is our 3rd and shes 7m. I felt the same in the first few weeks after she was born, but then a few days ago during a horrible non-sleeping night I said to dh "i dont ever want to do this again!"
Now on a new day after a good nights sleep I would say yes we will probably have another. It honesty varies day to day but I feel when I am "done" i will have a feeling and know it. Dh is open to one more too but just depends.

Congrats on the new little one op x

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 08/01/2022 07:33

I felt absolutely done after 1. Horrific birth and never wanted to go through that again. I'm pushing 40 anyway, had a high risk pregnancy and spent my entire maternity leave in lockdowns etc.
Then I got pregnant again accidentally. I was sure my DP would want to abort - we discussed it but never got anywhere with the conversations so decided to let it happen. I've regretted it ever since. We definitely should have stuck at one. I've had next to no care and I'm due in 5wks. Was sent to the hospital yesterday and it's an absolute shambles. There are no beds at all, I wasn't seen in the almost 8hrs I spent waiting and only get to see a midwife every couple of months despite it supposed to be every 2wks for another high risk pregnancy.

My DP still hasn't booked his vasectomy in as 'we need to make sure everything is ok with this baby first'. There's no way I'm going through this a third time, no matter what happens with the current baby.

I've never once felt broody in my life though and my intention had always been to stay child free. I feel guilty for bringing a second child into the current situation in this country/world. I think I'll feel huge relief once this baby is born that I'll never be going through it again.

Iwant2move · 08/01/2022 07:36

Heartbroken.
He was my third.
I knew it was the right thing to do and I had my tubes tied three hours after he was born.
I felt sad for about fourteen years but my sensible side always knew I had done the right thing.

Knees88 · 08/01/2022 07:37

My 2nd pregnancy i was pregnant with twin boys. Until one of them died at 20 weeks. My DC is now 9 months but I still find it hard to see my family as complete. I feel exhausted and the thought of another pregnancy and newborn is too much but I find it hard to let go of idea of not habunh another baby. Maybe because I thought there would be two of them. I feel guilty like I'm saying my DS and his older brother isn't enough or something

BiscuitLover3678 · 08/01/2022 07:39

Give yourself time op.

newusername1977 · 08/01/2022 07:40

My third was my last, I would have liked more but I had to persuade my husband into our third and so I knew it would be our last. Knowing it was my last, even though it made me sad, it really helped me have closure, as I was properly able to say goodbye to each phase, and enjoy it, and not have the "what if we have more" in the back of my mind. I have been a bit sad here and there over the years, but overall I have felt at peace with it.

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