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Original poster

Aibu to hate my baby sleeping in her own room?

77 replies

amidsummernightsdream · 31/12/2021 09:20

Sorry this is just more of a rant as I’m shattered. Tried to move my lo into her own room this week. She’s 8 months and too big for the next to me now.

It’s probably not the best time as she’s waking up lots for feeds in the night (i started another thread about this) and I’m continually up and down with a dummy, so I saw every hour of the clock but like I said she’s too big for the next to me now, so something needs to change.

The worst bit is the bloomin monitor. When she was next to me you’d hear the stirrings or her chatting away which would wake me gently. Now I just get woken by a loud electronic cry on the monitor, that wakes me with a start. I can never feel like i can settle.

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to feel so fed up with this. I miss her sleeping next to me, it was so much easier to see to her needs.

I’m not sure what the alternative is though. She’s outgrown the next to me. Cot too big to go in our room and definitely don’t want her to sleep in our bed. She ended up in our bed at 5 this morning and no one got very much sleep from then.

Am I being unreasonable to not like my baby sleeping in her own room and wish we could carry on using a next to me crib?

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LowlyTheWorm · 31/12/2021 09:23

Look out for a cheap small cot and take the side off to put it next to your bed for when she wakens. I think IKEA used to do an ideal one that was small but functional for up to 18 months

NewmummyJ · 31/12/2021 09:31

Agree with PP, small cot or move furniture to accommodate your larger one. There is no rush to get your baby into a separate room to sleep despite what the sleep guru's say. I doubt caveman put their babies in the next cave at 6 months old. It's a societal expectation based on capitalism.

MelonTits · 31/12/2021 09:31

YANBU. @LowlyTheWorm ‘s suggestion is good if a small cot still fits in your room.

We moved DS into his own room just before six months but also put a daybed in there. If you can fit a bed (or even just a mattress/fold out bed) in their room, it’s so useful when they are ill or unsettled and you have more of a chance of getting some sleep. I bunk in with DS quite a few times a month, when DH is I’ll or wants a lie-in or whatever.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6-9 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families
Original poster
amidsummernightsdream · 31/12/2021 09:33

Thanks @LowlyTheWorm maybe that would be a good option. Don’t know though, I just feel like i should be able to make this transition…

OP posts:
linerforlife · 31/12/2021 09:36

I found it very hard for the same reasons as you! I also emotionally found it very hard to be apart. So I did it gradually. DD went into her big cot for the first part of the night until either her first waking or my bedtime. Then I started extending it. So I would feed her and put her back down after her first wake up, and go to bed without her later on and bring her to my bed on her second wake up. Then extended again until she was actually sleeping in her own room all of the night, unless teething etc.

Original poster
amidsummernightsdream · 31/12/2021 09:37

@MelonTits daybed in her room may work better.

It doesn’t feel right leaving her. Didn’t think i would feel like this but just seems so counterintuitive (and impractical!) to have her in another room.

Am i going to make the transition harder though if i wait longer and she becomes more aware?

OP posts:
Drbrowns · 31/12/2021 09:39

Get a small cot from ikea. They’re pretty cheap as well. There’s no should when it comes to your child. It’s natural to want them near you. My two oldest where in my room til they where nearly two, some people move them out at 6months. It’s whatever works for you and your baby.

RobinPenguins · 31/12/2021 09:40

@amidsummernightsdream

Thanks *@LowlyTheWorm* maybe that would be a good option. Don’t know though, I just feel like i should be able to make this transition…
Just because it’s not the right time now doesn’t mean you’ll never be able to make the transition. I’d only be wary of trying to do it during peak separation anxiety time.

As an alternative, is there room for a bed for you/your partner in her room alongside her cot? Would allow you to take turns if her sleep is bad at the moment. Then you’ve done the transition to her room, and can do the transition away from you at a stage when you feel ready.

Original poster
amidsummernightsdream · 31/12/2021 09:40

@linerforlife that’s kind of what we’ve ended up doing too but i suppose i was looking at it negatively, as though i’d ‘failed’ getting her to sleep the whole night in there, which typing this now feels ridiculous to say.

Did you use a next to me when she came back to you in the night or did she sleep in with you?

OP posts:
ShippingNews · 31/12/2021 09:41

Can you find a better monitor ? This one sounds like it's a big problem for you. Maybe do some research into ones which don't wake you with a big start ! Good luck.

Fizzl · 31/12/2021 09:49

Following as my daughter is coming up for 6months and also don't feel ready to move her. She's a good sleeper but does still wake usually for one feed and occasionally stirs a little and just needs patting/comforting. I can do all of this without barely waking so moving her into another room also seems counterproductive but I've been wondering what to do when she no longer fits in her next2me as our room won't fit her cot. I'm thinking the ikea cot as a sidecar is possibly best option but worry a bit about the safety of this as it's not meant to be used for this purpose but I guess risks are minimal if done securely?

Aria2015 · 31/12/2021 09:55

I got a mini )space saver) cot after the next to me. It wasn't much bigger length and width ways but was safer for a baby that was able to sit up and pull to stand because it was deeper. Had that next to me until she was about 13 months. By which point I was 100% ready for her to be in her own room because we were disturbing each other more and more.

dementedpixie · 31/12/2021 09:58

I didn't use the monitor when upstairs at the same time as you can hear them crying anyway. We had the parent bit downstairs so we could hear them wake when we were downstairs and they were in bed.

Original poster
amidsummernightsdream · 31/12/2021 10:05

@RobinPenguins i feel like she’s recently started with separation anxiety and is very clingy to me in the day.

Funnily enough in the night she does seem to settle down lovely and really tries to get herself off. The problem is due to the amount of times she is waking to feed. She seems hungry but I have a feeling this is the separation anxiety? Wanting to feed for comfort.

Do you know when peak separation anxiety is? Is now a bad time?

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 31/12/2021 10:09

Throw loads of dummies in her cot if one of the reasons you’re up is because she loses it. She’ll get better at finding it.

Turn the volume down a bit on the monitor so it’s less loud.

Any change is something to adjust to.

Original poster
amidsummernightsdream · 31/12/2021 10:12

@LittleBearPad turning down the monitor is a great shout. Ridiculously did’t think of this in my sleep deprived state 🙈

I have left a lot of dummies in her cot and if she was put in there during the day with them she’d have no problem reaching to get one but i think she’s too sleepy/ dazed in the night and starts to cry. Once she cries, she’s too worked up to look. So i think for this to work there would be some element of leaving her to cry to figure it out and I’m not sure I’m ready to do that yet

OP posts:
StopStartStop · 31/12/2021 10:22

Have your baby near you. You won't regret it.

liveforsummer · 31/12/2021 10:32

No one needs to be grasping through in the night to keep putting dummies back in. Move your furniture or get a little cot/travel cot for now

liveforsummer · 31/12/2021 10:33

That was meant to say traipsing

Maireas · 31/12/2021 10:33

She's a little baby.
Have her next to you, it's better for both of you.

liveforsummer · 31/12/2021 10:34

Re the extra feeding she's probably having a growth spurt

WheekestLink · 31/12/2021 11:02

I wouldn't have put her in her own room unless one or both of you were waking her up with snoring.

She really is very little, 8 months is very much a baby and I couldn't sleep apart at this age.

We moved DD into her own room when she was disturbed by us coming up to bed / getting up through the night to use the loo. I think she was about 3, the same time I stopped breastfeeding.

Worldgonecrazy · 31/12/2021 11:06

Your feelings are normal. We are not supposed to sleep away from our babies, it’s a modern idea. Our brains and instincts around parenting are very much still in the caveman era. Our instincts tell us that having our children separated whilst sleeping is putting them at risk. If you can find a way to safely cosleep you will probably find you get more sleep overall.

Thatsplentyjack · 31/12/2021 11:10

I just switched the next to me for a small ikea cot and have it strapped to the bed in the sane way. No need for her to be in her own room. Alway think that's a strange idea to have little babies sleeping alone and then everytime they wake you have to get up.

FTEngineerM · 31/12/2021 11:14

@amidsummernightsdream

Thanks *@LowlyTheWorm* maybe that would be a good option. Don’t know though, I just feel like i should be able to make this transition…
Don’t feel like you should feel or do anything.

She hasn’t even reached an age where she’s spent more time outside you than inside you.

You’re still her comfort if you don’t like the separation just do as PP said and get a small cot. Hell even put a mattress on the floor?