Aibu to hate my baby sleeping in her own room?

[amidsummernightsdream]

Sorry this is just more of a rant as I’m shattered. Tried to move my lo into her own room this week. She’s 8 months and too big for the next to me now.

It’s probably not the best time as she’s waking up lots for feeds in the night (i started another thread about this) and I’m continually up and down with a dummy, so I saw every hour of the clock but like I said she’s too big for the next to me now, so something needs to change.

The worst bit is the bloomin monitor. When she was next to me you’d hear the stirrings or her chatting away which would wake me gently. Now I just get woken by a loud electronic cry on the monitor, that wakes me with a start. I can never feel like i can settle.

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to feel so fed up with this. I miss her sleeping next to me, it was so much easier to see to her needs.

I’m not sure what the alternative is though. She’s outgrown the next to me. Cot too big to go in our room and definitely don’t want her to sleep in our bed. She ended up in our bed at 5 this morning and no one got very much sleep from then.

Am I being unreasonable to not like my baby sleeping in her own room and wish we could carry on using a next to me crib?

@amidsummernightsdream

Thanks *@LowlyTheWorm* maybe that would be a good option. Don’t know though, I just feel like i should be able to make this transition…

Why?

Thanks everyone, it’s really helpful to get some different opinions. I felt i was really late in moving her over.
@Thatsplentyjack because most people i know have moved their babies to their own room now. My mum did it much earlier with me and my sister did with hers. Plus my husband is of the view that she should be in her own room too.
In theory I suppose I am. It would be nice to have that space and my room back but instinctively and practically, the reality is different and I really enjoy sleeping next to her.

@WheekestLink i do snore terribly 🙈 but doesn’t seem to bother her at all, think she’s used to it now!

That meant to say i felt i was really late in moving her over as most people i know had already done so by this stage. Your responses are really helpful as i can see that this isn’t necessarily what everyone does.

I think I’m going to keep her in the next to me tonight and for the next few days while I see how I feel and whether or not to invest in a smaller cot for our room. Thank you for the IKEA suggestions, i will take a look

Everyone is different. I moved my youngest at 4 months. We all slept better for it and it worked for us. I know people who have shared a bed with their children for years. I could never do it because I sleep terribly with my kids in the bed, but it seems to work for them.

Stop worrying about what you think you should be doing, and what everyone else has said they do. Just focus on whatever feels right for you.

Is your husband sharing the getting up to feed and resettle, or is it mostly or all you? If he wants the baby in another room, he should be happy to go to her each night. I kept mine in our bedroom until they were over 2 as they woke up so much. Way easier for me to have the cot by my side of the bed and pick them up for a cuddle. Traipsing to another room would have meant much less sleep for me, so dp had no objections to them staying.

@SimpsonsXmasBoogie i don’t think it’s so much worrying what other people are doing but as a ftm trying to benchmark and gauge what’s appropriate and apply it to us.

She will need to go into her room at some point and I’m trying to judge the best time to do that. Am i better persevering or not, i really don’t know what is best for is to be honest, which is why other people’s opinions and experiences are helpful.

As i said in pp in theory I would like her to be in her own room now, I’m not blindly doing that because other people did but judging by what other people i knew did that seemed to be a realistic expectation.

However, the reality of that is different and has what caused me to post today. I would like her to be in her own room and i would like a full night’s sleep but that’s just not happening right now.

If the there weren’t so many wake ups it wouldn’t be an issue and maybe that’s what I’m really bothered about- the amount of eaje ups, which are easier when she’s next to me. She used to be such a good sleeper and part of me think i should have done this earlier.

But we are where we are and she IS waking up a lot and so for now, i think she may be better off staying with me a little longer

It just worries me that i might be making this worse for the future hence the aibu but who knows!

My LO is nearly 14 months and still sleeps in with us. It’s no big deal, if you want to keep her with you, just do it!

because most people i know have moved their babies to their own room now. My mum did it much earlier with me and my sister did with hers. Plus my husband is of the view that she should be in her own room too.
In theory I suppose I am. It would be nice to have that space and my room back but instinctively and practically, the reality is different and I really enjoy sleeping next to her.

Who cares what any of those people did. They oy did that because they were also told its what they "should do" but for hundreds of years people slept in beside all they're children.
Are the people you are trying to copy the ones that have to get up with your dd in the middle of the night? Is your partner getting up during the night? Doesn't sound like it. Try thinking what's best for your dd rather than doing what other people did.

My husband doesn’t get up with her as he works ft (although i will be part time in jan too) and (tale as old as time) she settles better for me but then i get that we probably now perpetuate that.

Also I’m sorry if i gave the wrong impression in previous posts but I’m really not ‘copying’ anyone.

I think my last post articulates better how i feel. Ultimately I do want her on her own room but the reality of that is not what i hoped and we’d get better sleep i think if she stayed with me for now.

I think the frustration comes from her waking up so much to feed (basically having 80% of her milk at night) which is a new thing in the last few weeks, she slept beautifully for 6 months and maybe then was the time to make the transition

Also just to add my husband had offered numerous times to get up with her, so if I thought that would help, he would share that with me no problem. He does more than his fair share

I didn't even think about it till DD had stopped night feeds. Traipsing through to another room in the middle of the night is grim.

As it was, she slept in her own room for a while, then wanted to come back in with us, and now she kind of does a bit of both. We all get plenty of sleep so that's all I care about!

Turn the monitor off you don't need it it will just disturb you more. Leave her for a bit and see if she will self settle you dont need to jump up at every sound !

@NewmummyJ

Agree with PP, small cot or move furniture to accommodate your larger one. There is no rush to get your baby into a separate room to sleep despite what the sleep guru's say. I doubt caveman put their babies in the next cave at 6 months old. It's a societal expectation based on capitalism.

CaveWOMEN would have slept with their babies to prevent wild animals taking off with them. Bugger all to do with capitalism!

@Starcaller you’ve hit my issue right on the head. That was exactly what i was thinking last night - what am i doing this for? It was grim

Previously she was a great sleeper and so i had always planned to move her into her own room when i was ready

But now i’m ready, she’s changed!!

Now she has changed her wake up habits, i need to adjust my expectations. I think i need to wait until the night wake ups stop first.

Thats what i’m struggling with though - adjusting the expectation, more night wake ups, longer in my room than i thought and the practicalities of that ie needing to buy something else for her to sleep in

@cherrypie66 do you think? I was really unsure what the advice was on this. It’s only next door so i would hear her if she was properly crying.
I have developed a loathing for the monitor 😂

It's tricky, I def fell into the trap with DD of feeling like she 'should' be in her own room, and I could weep thinking of the hours I wasted sitting by her cot or fretting about 'self-soothing' when really we should have just done whatever got us the most sleep, because you can deal with almost everything if you have decent sleep!

I'm expecting DC2 and am promising myself I will be a lot more laid back about it and just do whatever is the easiest for us all and not care about what's expected. If that means they are in our room for a year or however long then so be it. Life is so much better when you aren't sleep deprived!

I turn the sound off on my monitor. I can still see it, but I can always hear her anyway and there's nothing worse than and electronic cry 2 seconds after the real one.

@Starcaller yep that was me last night sat by the cot encouraging her to settle on her own. I’m just not sure there’s enough justification for it for me to be just sat there….
Previously, I would have nodded back off with her in the next to me and if she needed the dummy again, id have done it one eye open, half asleep and straight back off again.

The last 3/4 nights have been the worst sleep we’ve had since she was a newborn!
Part of me thinks why are we doing this?!

I’m aware i might be going around in circles with this and/ or contradicting myself in parts but i think that just reflects the nature of the conflicting feelings i have about whats best to do and what I actually want.

And what i actually want is to simultaneously sleep next to her holding her hand with her forever AND sleep on my own and have my own room/ time/space/ full 8 hours sleep back … but that’s being a mum I guess. It is helpful for me to talk it though and get other experiences too, so thank you

I didn't move DD to her own room until she was 18 months. We slept better with her close by. Just do what feels right and works best for you.

8 months is a really difficult time for baby sleep, every baby is different but there's NO way mine would have settled in another room at that age and I didn't want him to either which is perfectly normal too

sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/amp/

We did the crib side off next to bed worked perfectly and we all got much more sleep

Providing comfort now isn't a bad thing it's going to pay off in the long run - I stopped worrying about "shoulds" and we just go with what works now - they're not going to be this tiny forever and the whole "rod for your own back" thing is rubbish as things just constantly change naturally all the time with babies and they do just gradually get more independent over time

My little one sleeps through now most nights and I would never have believed that at 8 months. I did nothing to achieve this other than sleep next to him and comfort when he needed

We don’t use a baby monitor overnight, DS’s room is right next to ours so if he’s properly crying we hear. If he’s not properly crying then I know it sounds harsh but I don’t have any desire to hear it.

An 8 month should be able to replace their own dummy. To get her to realise she can, you should start handing it to her rather than putting it in her mouth, every single time you give it to her. Then at bedtime throw throw loads in the cot, we do about 10, including those glow in the dark ones. We also have a very dim nightlight to help. Haven’t replaced a dummy since DS was 7 months.

But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with keeping her in your room for longer. Do whatever gets you the most sleep has always been my philosophy and I think as long as they’re still having night feeds you’re just making work for yourself by moving them. Could you rearrange the furniture to make space for the cot?

An alternative to a small cot could be a travel cot. Will come in handy as baby gets older and you can get mattresses to put in them to make them more comfortable. My 2 slept incredibly well in them!

@milkieway thanks for that link, that graph- wow explains a lot!
You hear a lot about 4 month regression but not so much about this later one we seem to be experiencing now. Maybe i need to do some more research.
Just sent the link to my husband!

@LakeShoreD she can replace it no problem but if she wakes on the night she gets too upset to look for it. I think to get her to look would require an element of letting her cry and I’m not wanting to do that just now.

Having said that i put 4 dummies in, not 10! Maybe more are needed

Haha only 4 dummies and we’d definitely have problems I think they’re still learning object permanence at that age so if they can’t see it then they don’t necessarily know to look for it. Hence 10 so there’s always one right in front of his face. I usually find at least 3 or 4 roll out overnight between the bars too. Or maybe my kid just has issues IDK?! 🤣 But hey it works and whatever gets you undisturbed sleep is a winner in my opinion!