Woman staring at me while my toddler screamed his head off

[LetTheBirdsSing]

I feel so upset and humiliated. For the second time today I’ve had to cut short a visit to the park ten minutes in because of my toddler tantrumming.

As soon as we parked up and got out of the car DC2 (nearly 2 years old) was screaming blue murder because he wanted to bring a toy with him. I tried for a while to distract him “oh look, a squirrel!”, that wasn’t working so decided to just let him wail in the hope that he would calm down and then be ok. He kept trying to run back to the car and was still screaming his head off, people were staring at me. DC1 (three years old) was getting fed up and starting to swing on a gate and not listen when I told him to stop.

I gave up, picked up a still screaming DC2 and took them both back to the car. I was beyond embarrassed and undoubtedly had a face like thunder as I was trying to strap hysterical DC2 into the car and tell DC1 to stop kicking the seat.

I happened to look up as I was getting into the driver’s seat and saw a woman stood at her bedroom window across the road, frowning at me. I don’t know why this has got to me so much but I burst into tears as I was driving and I just can’t stop crying.

DH said to me “what’s happened now! What’s wrong with you??” As I walked in the door as he could hear DC2 still screaming and I had obviously been crying. I felt judged by a total stranger and now judged by DH as soon as I get in.

I feel like such a failure of a mum to not even be able to take my kids to the park without some total embarrassment. Normally I try to just block out the world when one of the DC is having a tantrum and just try to focus on sorting them out but I wish, wish, wish people wouldn’t gawp.

I don’t know why but I gave the frowning window woman a big grin and a wave. She then backed away from the window

Given your explanation, I would have said no to the tractor, too, and would've wanted to go home at that point. Mske it up to older dc by offloading your younger one and you'll both gave a better time

You are most certainly not a crap parent op. I wouldn’t have let my dc take the bloody tractor either 😂 I think we spend far too much time trying to appease dc (including not taking the tractor so they don’t get tempted) that they’re not learning about disappointment and how to deal with it (something that is necessary to develop in to a functioning adult as fuck me disappointment comes in waves when you’re all grown up).

It’s very possible you weren’t being judged, some people are genuinely unaware they’re frowning, it’s just a comfortable position for some. Even if she was judging, it could be because it reminded her of one of her own childhood experiences, I mean we could literally speculate on every plausible explanation and still be going in the morning 😁 the point is, it doesn’t matter, it really doesn’t matter. Your dc are loved, you’re exhausted and your dh just made a remark (albeit an unhelpful one), ss aren’t going to be rocking up on your doorstep to quiz you about why you took a tantruming toddler back to the car (hell, most of us here should be expecting a visit if that were the criteria). You’re being way too hard on yourself, put this in the past where it belongs, dust yourself down, tomorrow is another day.

When I look at people with screaming small children out and about it’s normally for one of three reasons:

1. Checking the child is ok - lots of us have jobs where safeguarding training has made child protection a habit, I’m a primary teacher
2. Wondering if the parent wants a hand
3. Thanking my lucky stars that it’s not my turn to have to fireman’s lift a tantrumming child back to the car today

I do find that older ladies can be judgemental (e.g. why isn’t that baby wearing a hat 😒) but they can also be very helpful. Last week in the village one very helpfully offered to hold the baby for me while I wrestled her older sister into the car screaming I WANT A GINGERBREAD SANTA. I could have kissed her.

My dsis had a funny story about a time when she was carrying her baby in a sling and her toddler threw a huge tantrum and lay down kicking and screaming right when they were trying to cross a main road because she dropped a raisin. She couldn't really bend down or pick the toddler up because of carrying the baby and was stuck in a pretty unsafe situation.
Just then a guy with a big dog stopped and she thought he was going to be judgy but in fact he got down to the screaming toddler and said 'get up now or my big dog will eat you' Well it might not have been great parenting but it was very effective because she got up straight away!

I would have let him take the toy too. Pick your battles!

@PurplePinecone

I would have let him take the toy too. Pick your battles!

Giving in to tantrums is how you get more tantrums!

Would try not to stare but if I did it would be because I was trying to decide whether to offer assistance or a friendly word.

Most of us have been there. Hang on in. As for the tears, I think everyone is pretty close to the edge these days.

@PurplePinecone

I would have let him take the toy too. Pick your battles!

She did pick her battle. She just didn’t give in to him because he was having a tantrum. She did right.