Can't cope with dogs now baby is here

[LaraLou99]

I have a four month old dd who is an absolute delight. I love being her mum and we have an amazing bond.

I've wanted children for about 3 years but my partner wasn't ready. Hence why he bought me a puppy as a surprise Christmas present 3 years ago to help fill the void. I totally fell in love with our puppy, and she basically became my baby. This dog had serious separation anxiety issues from day 1 so last year we adopted a rescue. In many ways this solved a lot of issues as the two of them have an amazing bond and love each other. Dog 1 now goes to bed without screaming the place down because she has company.

However, now baby is here, frankly I find them annoying. They make everything dirty, they're bad behaviour is driving me insane and I just don't feel like I have the capacity to look after them too. I love them so would never get rid of them, and I'm sure this feeling is temporary, but right now I feel like I can't cope. One of them pulls so hard on the lead when I have the baby in a harness I think she's going to do me an injury (she did when I was pregnant so I had to stop walking her).

How do I change my attitude towards them? I do feel like generally there's just too many things I have to manage/ look after in life which is where this feeling is coming from (Ive already started working at a new job). Any ideas?

This is totally normal, and yes, it's exhaustion / hormones.

Training! If you can't make a class perhaps hire a dog behaviouralist who can help you get the dog walking to heel. That one is fixable. And perhaps hire a dog walker a couple of times a week? Warning: You may find you get anxious when they're out and realise they're still your babies.

Re: dirt, remember germs are good for babies! It's often the kids raised in a swirl of Dettol who end up weaker immune systems.

Give up the baby and keep the dogs?

I think you need to get a dog trainer in and commit to change.

Unfortunately your dogs are like this because of the training you have/haven't supplied up until this point

I say this as the owner of an adorable little arsehole rescue who has a few niggles herself. I am pregnant and have been training since 3 months pregnant to get her less reactive to doorbells/the postman/a car having the audacity to park outside our drive.
It's not easy and not perfect yet but it's improving and i know I will be frustrated if I don't address it now.

If you can't commit it may be worth considering rehoming (i say that non judgementally, I think new job plus baby plus two dogs = mega stress)

Get a dog walker - if they're walked properly every day it makes life so much easier

I felt the same when my son was born.... I just didn't have time for it all

But, it got me out of house and I think they saved my sanity. She used to come and get me if he was crying, sit next to him in the highchair, she was great on a lead with the pram too if she pulled I would've got very frustrated!

Maybe do some training with the lead puller? If my dog pulls I just stop dead and she has to sit and wait.

they are such good friends now.

Get your partner to do more. More walking, more cleaning. Sorted.

I think this is normal. People will come on to bash you no doubt but that will be unconstructive.

The night I went into labour with DS1 I was panicking about how the dogs would feel about me bringing home a baby and how it would affect them. When I came home from the hospital I instantly wished they weren't there. I assume it was hormonal, but I've definitely wished we didn't have them from time to time since then.

That was 5 years ago, we have another DC and one on the way now. It's been up and down. It would undoubtedly be easier if I didn't have them - no need to go out in all weathers to walk them, the house would be a million times cleaner for longer etc, but my feelings towards them is a lot better!

I think a lot of it has to do with feeling overwhelmed about everything when you have a kid. Washing, dishes, household admin, sleepless nights are all unavoidable in life (for most!). It's easier to blame the choice to have dogs on feeling that way but if you didn't have them, you'd probably just direct your exhaustion and frustration at something else.

Unfortunately you had at least 9 months if not longer to sort out their behaviour and the pulling in particular which you didn't do so now of course you have badly behaved dogs and a baby.

You need more help from your partner and possibly a dog walker depending on their working hours etc. You also need to commit some time and money to training them. OR you could just become another irresponsible dog owner and get rid of them, letting the rescue centre and adopters pick up the pieces.

@Orarewedancer

I think this is normal. People will come on to bash you no doubt but that will be unconstructive.

The night I went into labour with DS1 I was panicking about how the dogs would feel about me bringing home a baby and how it would affect them. When I came home from the hospital I instantly wished they weren't there. I assume it was hormonal, but I've definitely wished we didn't have them from time to time since then.

That was 5 years ago, we have another DC and one on the way now. It's been up and down. It would undoubtedly be easier if I didn't have them - no need to go out in all weathers to walk them, the house would be a million times cleaner for longer etc, but my feelings towards them is a lot better!

I think a lot of it has to do with feeling overwhelmed about everything when you have a kid. Washing, dishes, household admin, sleepless nights are all unavoidable in life (for most!). It's easier to blame the choice to have dogs on feeling that way but if you didn't have them, you'd probably just direct your exhaustion and frustration at something else.

I'm sure you're absolutely right on that last bit.

I know the lack of training lies with the owners and I take responsibility for that. However everybody I know who's had a trainer has seen no real change? Or are they just going with bad trainers?

@Hellocatshome

Unfortunately you had at least 9 months if not longer to sort out their behaviour and the pulling in particular which you didn't do so now of course you have badly behaved dogs and a baby. You need more help from your partner and possibly a dog walker depending on their working hours etc. You also need to commit some time and money to training them. OR you could just become another irresponsible dog owner and get rid of them, letting the rescue centre and adopters pick up the pieces.

That last sentence is a bit harsh - I could never do that

However everybody I know who's had a trainer has seen no real change? Or are they just going with bad trainers?

That's nonsense, I'm afraid. It just means they have been too lazy / neglectful to consistently implement very simple techniques, as pp said stop dead still if they try to pull, positive reinforcement for the correct behaviour, be consistent. Dogs are simple creatures. The same techniques work for DC so you will be getting some parenting practice to boot

I'm sorry if it sounded harsh but that's basically your two options do something about it or get rid of them. I suppose their is another option which is just carry on as you are but that doesn't sound like much fun for anyone.

I think I remember a Mumsnet thread I found when I was pregnant, which was about new mums suddenly developing a real aversion to previously loved pets! Not just finding the practicalities tough but really turned off by their animals out of seemingly nowhere. I wonder if it's a biological thing to make sure baby is still number 1?! Fortunately it didn't happen to me. My dog was absolutely my first baby but blessedly is very chilled and low energy so he has coped ok with being further down my list of priorities. I would expect that as baby gets easier you will find you have more capacity for the dogs naturally. In the meantime, try borrow my doggy? I've just signed my dog up to get him some more walks and companionship and it looks like a really good option for helping out!

Get a dog walker if you can afford it or make sure your DP takes them twice a day.

Are they making everything dirty because they're in and out the house and garden?
If so, get a runner mat by your back door - it'll clear off a lot of the mess.

You could put a baby gate on the kitchen (assuming that's where your back door is!) so they can get back in the living room immediately.

Lastly, remember they're part of the family too. They're probably missing a lot of the attention they used to have.

I'm sure a huge amount is hormonal

I would try and identify the biggest trigger and put some practical steps in - if it's the walking, can you get a dog Walker? If it's the mess can you get a cleaner/ get some of those instantly drying towels?

Also a little bit of one on one time with your dogs to reconnect. You know that it's not their fault, being a mum can make you forget about looking after the other important relationships in your life. It's overwhelming but definitely can be manageable.

It’s not a matter of getting a trainer it’s up to the owners to implement the training consistently . You only get nice , well behaved , well adjusted dogs if you put in the time and effort . Your first mistake was not training the original dog and you then made the second mistake of getting another dog to try and solve the issues of the first one rather than actually doing it yourself . Can you get a walker or put them in daycare a few times a week .

Money. Ousource whatever you can, for now.

Dog walker, even if not every day. Day care for a day a week (for the dogs) to give yoi some hours off. Cleaner and/or outsource the ironing for now.

Even if you don't or can't afford to do all of it, look at what help you can buy yourself and what things would make the biggest difference to you.

A trainer cannot train the dog for you because dogs don't learn like that. They'll learn to behave one way with the trainer but carry on as before with you - so they work best when you hve the time to work with them and learn along with the dog(s).

I adore my dogs, but I found them had when I first had DS. I'll just echo everyone saying get a Dogwalker. Ours came every week day through my maternity leave and it made such a difference.

Now DS is a toddler the bond he has with them melts my heart. He loves his doggies so much and they love him too.

I truly feel for you! I've had cats all my life and had my 2 sons quite late (38 and 39) and always joked I was crazy cat lady. We've recently moved to a new house and our boys are 18 months and 6 months. I had postnatal psychosis with my first son and have depression and severe anxiety following my second and a lot my anxiety is around the cats. I feel totally differently towards them, they use a tray even though they go out and always poo and miss it and I'm constantly cleaning the tray, wiping the floors, hoovering the sofa bed in the conservatory and won't let them in the living room or upstairs. The thought of rehomibg them makes me feel terribly guilty so I'm in a catch 22 and I imagine you feel the same

I felt the same about our cat for the last month or two of pregnancy and then for maybe 5 or 6 months after baby was born. it did go away but it wasn't until more recently I saw other mums saying similar and that it is a 'thing'.

I used a bungee running lead with a waist belt, so that I could be hands free on walks if required, and a ruffwear front range harness (if the dog pulls when on the front attachment they just spin round to face you).

Get a good semi structured carrier (I had an ergo baby) and switch to a framed back pack as soon as you can, and an off road pushchair (out n about nipper 360).

DD had all her naps in either a carrier or pushchair (even when not in dog walks) so you can blend nap routine and dog walking. When DD went through a tough spell with her napping, and would only nap on the move, the dog was getting 3+hours of walks a day, and his behaviour at home was amazing as a result.

DD is now nearly 4 and her and the dog are best mates.

So you have come here to see how many will recommend you give the dogs away. You and time to make changes and you didn’t bother. Poor dogs with probably take the short straw now

This isn't a pop at you, but as someone involved with dog rescue it really does piss me off when people buy dogs as a "surprise". And yes it does tend to be blokes who do it as a way to get them off the hook from having kids for a few more years. Then when the babies do come along the poor bloody dog gets ignored - or given up. The lucky ones go to a rescue. The unfortunate ones get sold on or given away in the free ads - which carries a high risk of ending up in dog fighting rings, or in puppy farms if they haven't been spayed/neutered.

Anyway -

OP in your case it is quite common to go "off" pets when you have a young baby. If you want to try and persevere with the dogs then get a dog walker in, find doggy day care, get appointments with a groomer for nail and teeth care etc. Outsource as much as you can, and you'll likely find that you get past this and you want the dogs as part of your family again.

If you are really struggling then the kindest thing would be to talk to the rescue where the last dog came from. A decent rescue will take them back - although, and I'm sorry this is harsh, they will probably judge the fuck out of you.

I hate these bloody threads, a badly behaved dog is the result of a stupid human. How many times must this message be said before people get it. What exactly did you expect? A miraculous change in dog behaviour once your baby appeared?

Get a trainer or do what you should have done in the first place and train your dogs.

I felt similar when I first had DS. I think just because it’s something else to look after when you have your new baby, plus housework and family/ friends to see but honestly DS is 2 now and I have a third. DS loves them, now he’s older we can walk the younger one together (other 2 are terrible on a lead so cannot be done with DS). The two older ones we can take to the park and let off for a run with DS or my me and DP rotate walking them.

It’s crap this time of year with muddy paw prints etc but they don’t know what’s happening, get nice big cows ears, pizzles or yak bones for them to keep them happy whilst you’re occupied with baby, slow feeder games, kong wobblers etc. That way if you miss a day of walking they aren’t going stir crazy! Now DS has one nap I love spending it with just the dogs, cuddles on the sofa. Be kind to yourself but give it time x