Can't cope with dogs now baby is here

[LaraLou99]

I have a four month old dd who is an absolute delight. I love being her mum and we have an amazing bond.

I've wanted children for about 3 years but my partner wasn't ready. Hence why he bought me a puppy as a surprise Christmas present 3 years ago to help fill the void. I totally fell in love with our puppy, and she basically became my baby. This dog had serious separation anxiety issues from day 1 so last year we adopted a rescue. In many ways this solved a lot of issues as the two of them have an amazing bond and love each other. Dog 1 now goes to bed without screaming the place down because she has company.

However, now baby is here, frankly I find them annoying. They make everything dirty, they're bad behaviour is driving me insane and I just don't feel like I have the capacity to look after them too. I love them so would never get rid of them, and I'm sure this feeling is temporary, but right now I feel like I can't cope. One of them pulls so hard on the lead when I have the baby in a harness I think she's going to do me an injury (she did when I was pregnant so I had to stop walking her).

How do I change my attitude towards them? I do feel like generally there's just too many things I have to manage/ look after in life which is where this feeling is coming from (Ive already started working at a new job). Any ideas?

Also dog trainers - find a good one, or one that does boarding BUT be prepared it only works if you keep the training ongoing at home. I take my younger dog and the trainer always says - nothing gets done in an hour or two a week, we give you the tools but you must work everyday all day to get the dog to be the dog you want it to be.

Just here to echo others, it’s partly hormonal and partly exhaustion. My parents dog was my first ‘baby’, when he used to come and stay I doted on him and he was always my priority when I went to visit my parents! I had to look after him when my son was eight weeks old and I just remember being really irritated by him most of the time, and feeling horrendously guilty about that. It definitely settled down after a while.

Train your dogs, problem solved. The pulling is sorted by a decent harness

‘TrAIn yOUr dOgS’

I’m sure these replies are incredibly useful to the OP and all dog owners. Eye opening in fact, a world wide revolution for dog owners across the globe, you should really write a book full of all the fascinating useful advice you have to help others become the out-and-out member or society you seemingly all are.

@gogohm

Why not ask the breeds and recommend a harness? Why come on and be a cock?

It is hard work when you have a little baby, but it does pass. I definitely went off Spuddog a little when DS was a baby, but it passed. I miss that dog so much now (we lost him a few months ago). We would all have missed out on a lot if I’d have let those temporary feelings lead.

Invest in training (remember that means your time, training only works when you commit to it) and ride it out, is my advice.

However everybody I know who's had a trainer has seen no real change? Or are they just going with bad trainers?

My best friend is a dog trainer. If people follow her advice consistently, they see results. The ones that don’t haven’t put the work in, they usually admit it but she can tell anyway.

Personally I think it’s short sighted to get dogs if kids are in your plans. But you’ve got them so you have to find a way through. Trainers, putting the time in and accepting it’s hard. Remember, you are your dogs whole world.

I'd focus on brain games, hiding treats around in socks and little boxes etc that they have to sniff to find and then open. Our trainer said this was the best way to really exhaust dogs and make them happy, and he does love these games. Lots of praise to them. Kongs and puzzle mats. Remember to give them plenty of affection. Look at some of the non pull leads people have recommended.

Can get microfibre mats that clean their feet as they come in.

It sounds like you're just feeling really overwhelmed and exhausted at the moment. A couple of friends with second babies have said they felt somewhat similar about their toddlers, and kept up full time daycare etc when on mat leave. Just overwhelming when you're sleep deprived and knackered. And about partners also. I wonder if your patience just goes a bit for a few months. I'm due soon (with a first) and hoping I don't feel the same about my lovely dog, partner or family.

You do have too many commitments in my view. That's just too much plate juggling and I can't imagine how the dogs are getting enough care. This will only get more intense.

I felt exactly like this when my little boy was born. I felt like I has no time and just wasn't as into my dog as before no idea why. 2 years on and it's better now but still not like it was before.

@gogohm

Train your dogs, problem solved. The pulling is sorted by a decent harness

She's struggling with a new baby and two dogs so when are you expecting her to find the time and energy to train the dogs?

Wow the people saying just train your dog are clearly people who haven't ever owned a dog with challenging behaviour - it is not always that simple.

OP I totally get where you're coming from and felt very similar to start with. Our baby is also 4 months and we have 2 dogs, one of which is behaviourally challenging due to anxiety. We have done a lot of work with him historically and he is huge amounts better than he used to be, but is still hard work! I suppose according to some of these people we should have just not had a baby 🤷‍♀️🙄

I do agree re some of the practical solutions suggested - dog walker, perhaps doggy daycare. A behaviourist may be more helpful than a trainer from what you've said about your first dogs issues.

Also look at practical ways to make life easier. Can you can segment your house with baby gates etc so you don't have to have the dogs around you all the time? We find the baby gate works better than shutting the door as the dogs can still see us and the baby, but are able to relax in their own space. Make sure you're also out of the house with the baby but without the dogs each day so they've got time to relax without the baby around (it's stressful for them too). Don't feel guilty - they need their time and space. Come up with practical solutions to help with the mess eg outdoor tap you can hose them off with, towels kept to hand, regular slot with a dog groomer to keep coats short. Consider a cleaner to help with housework if needed. A big thing which has helped me is our baby going to bed around 7/8 upstairs with a baby monitor so my husband and I can have 1-2 hours to ourselves. This has helped me have a bit of time when I can relax and I generally feel less stressed and more able to cope with that bit of downtime (I'm fully aware this contravenes safe sleep guidance but it's the right decision for us).

I have really pushed myself to still take our dogs out for walks twice a day rather than handing everything over to my husband, as that is what I used to love doing. He does walk them when I don't have the energy/time though. Have you tried a figure of 8 lead for your dog that pulls? That revolutionised walking ours who were both bad pullers.

I do think a lot of these feelings of lack of love are hormonal and a normal emotional response to having a baby and feeling generally overwhelmed and exhausted. My personal experience is that I can feel a gradual return of affection for our boys and I'm hoping it continues. Wishing you luck and just ignore the unhelpful posters.

You will feel better in time, but in the meantime I would see what you can do about training them so the undesirable behaviours are less of an issue.

How many walks a day do you do and how many walks a day does your partner do?
It could be as simple as your do needs to pull his wright more.

But definitely get a dog walker. And look into a trainer.

Can you get a dog walker? Also, help with the behaviour you don’t like?

Doggy day are is a good idea too

There are two adults in the house so shouldn't be a problem.

I feel so sorry for your dogs.After baby arrival they were viewed as a nuissance.you dont deserve those dogs.they deserve a home where they get proper training,regular walks,play and love.Please make at least an effort to find a loving new home for them.its the very least you owe them.And for goodness sake tell your DH to never ever surprise you with a dog again.Dogs are living beings and not a box of chocolate!

Priorities change when you have babies, pets tend to take a back seat, but pets are a responsibility. I believe if you own an animal it is for life. It is possible to give your pets a good life and be a good parent too. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.

I have two of the nicest, really well trained (wasn’t my doing they’re retired working dogs) Labradors you could get. I went seriously off them after baby number one. Wasn’t as bad after my second. Family members were quite happy to walk them etc as they are so good

Anyway it all settled down and the children love the dogs so I think it was hormonal
In your position get a dog walker and heft your other half to clean and help round the house more. It will get easier as the baby gets older and when spring is here with drier weather and longer days.

So much judgement!

My dogs have a wonderful life. We buy special grain free food for them because they like it. My partner and I both work from home 95% of the time so they have loads of company. We moved somewhere with a safe good-size garden for them to run around. We make an effort for them to see their local doggy friends to run around with. Our rescue was an ex-breeding bitch from a puppy farm, she was terrified of humans before we adopted her and since weve showed her so much love, now you'd never know she'd spent 5 years in captivity.

Take your shade elsewhere please

Thank you for the useful comments, I think trainer and cleaner would be a huge help

@Iguessyourestuckwithme

Give up the baby and keep the dogs?

What an idiotic response

Rehome the dogs. You made a mistake.

Normal way to feel. I do think the trainers are necessary bad, lead pulling is a difficult problem to fix and does require a lot of input from owner not just a trainer clicking their magic fingers! Organise house so baby has a clean area to be in and eventually crawl about in once your baby is 1 or older you may feel more relaxed about a bit of mess or dirt but at 4 months it is of course best to keep that away from them! You’ll figure out something and don’t listen to the give up baby keep dog rubbish! However much you love your dogs feelings can change once a baby arrives and sorry as much as I love dogs babies are mini humans and I’m afraid they come first😯

OP I don't have any different advice for you but please ignore the idiots saying you don't deserve the dogs/rehome them. It's clear you love them and this is just a tough stage with a new baby that you'll all get through in time. Getting a cleaner made a massive difference when we had our newborn & cat.