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Original poster

Can't cope with dogs now baby is here

79 replies

LaraLou99 · 11/12/2021 12:29

I have a four month old dd who is an absolute delight. I love being her mum and we have an amazing bond.

I've wanted children for about 3 years but my partner wasn't ready. Hence why he bought me a puppy as a surprise Christmas present 3 years ago to help fill the void. I totally fell in love with our puppy, and she basically became my baby. This dog had serious separation anxiety issues from day 1 so last year we adopted a rescue. In many ways this solved a lot of issues as the two of them have an amazing bond and love each other. Dog 1 now goes to bed without screaming the place down because she has company.

However, now baby is here, frankly I find them annoying. They make everything dirty, they're bad behaviour is driving me insane and I just don't feel like I have the capacity to look after them too. I love them so would never get rid of them, and I'm sure this feeling is temporary, but right now I feel like I can't cope. One of them pulls so hard on the lead when I have the baby in a harness I think she's going to do me an injury (she did when I was pregnant so I had to stop walking her).

How do I change my attitude towards them? I do feel like generally there's just too many things I have to manage/ look after in life which is where this feeling is coming from (Ive already started working at a new job). Any ideas?

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NeverEndingFireworks · 11/12/2021 19:01

@PlanktonsComputerWife

However everybody I know who's had a trainer has seen no real change? Or are they just going with bad trainers?

That's nonsense, I'm afraid. It just means they have been too lazy / neglectful to consistently implement very simple techniques, as pp said stop dead still if they try to pull, positive reinforcement for the correct behaviour, be consistent. Dogs are simple creatures. The same techniques work for DC so you will be getting some parenting practice to boot

This.

A trainer doesn't train the dog - a good trainer shows YOU how to do it. This needs time and dedication.

We thought we would never get pregnant - took 5yrs - and yes, we had dogs as child substitutes, two of them. By the time we did have dc the dogs were very well trained, walking them with a sling/pram/pushchair was not a problem. Getting out with the dogs and the pram was fantastic for my mental health.

If you seriously want to keep the dogs then you both need to put time and effort into training them otherwise they will continue to be a stress rather than a joy.

Suzi888 · 11/12/2021 19:06

What breed are they? Do they have good recall? If so, could you take everyone out and let the dogs off? (Only if they come back obviously)
How big is your garden? Ball game?
Throw baby in the pram /harness and walk each dog separately?
Kongs?

Dog Walker and cleaner are great provided you have the available funds.

Honestly it will get easier and my DD absolutely adores our lab, I grew up with dogs and cats and it does teach our children a lot being around them.

Good luck!

PurplePosies · 11/12/2021 19:10

If your dogs are pulling on the lead and not behaving at home, you haven't trained them, it's that simple. You don't need to get rid of them or get a dog walker, you need to understand your dog behaviour, work with them appropriately, and ensure that you are in charge. Don't look for a trainer, look for an accredited behaviourist, otherwise you're likely not going to get the best outcome. you're likely

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SamanthaVimes · 11/12/2021 20:00

I remember feeling really similar about our cats after DD was born (and they obviously take much less looking after than dogs do!)

I think it’s because you’re using so much energy to take care of the baby you don’t have a lot left to give.

If it helps I don’t feel that way anymore (one of them is curled up on my lap now and it’s lovely) I don’t remember when it changed but I definitely love them again now.

Saltyquiche · 11/12/2021 20:10

The people I know who failed to train the dog with a trainer are people who are inconsistent with strategies and don't mind an untrained dog

Thatldo · 11/12/2021 21:41

@LaraLou99

So much judgement!

My dogs have a wonderful life. We buy special grain free food for them because they like it. My partner and I both work from home 95% of the time so they have loads of company. We moved somewhere with a safe good-size garden for them to run around. We make an effort for them to see their local doggy friends to run around with. Our rescue was an ex-breeding bitch from a puppy farm, she was terrified of humans before we adopted her and since weve showed her so much love, now you'd never know she'd spent 5 years in captivity.

Take your shade elsewhere please Wine

Thank you for the useful comments, I think trainer and cleaner would be a huge help

Compare this with your initial description of your problem.its like a different person.inyour first message it was like: dogs are annoying,they leave dirt,have no time.every bit about your dogs was negative since arrival of baby.if there is one thing real doglovers hate is the previously all loved dog,suddenly is a nuissance.
SweetBabyCheeses99 · 11/12/2021 21:49

Of course your aversion to your pets isn’t hormonal. You’ve just got other priorities now which have enabled you to see the situation objectively. I know that Britain is a nation of dog/cat lovers but there are lot of people who dislike both for precisely the reasons you’ve described!
This is precisely why they ran that advertising campaign that a dog is for life, not just for Christmas. And why anthropomorphising our pets into being our “babies” is a bad idea.
You can wait until they die, or you can get them rehomed. There’s no magical cure.

Obsidiansphere · 11/12/2021 21:56

Can dh walk them or get a dog walker

Stiffcondomhat · 11/12/2021 22:01

Get rid of the dogs. Along with a sizeable donation to the animal shelter.

Original poster
LaraLou99 · 12/12/2021 08:00

@Thatldo my attitude towards them has changed, not my actions. They are still cared for in every way they need, I just find it tiring and a pain as opposed to enjoying it like I used to.

Please leave the thread

OP posts:
Sweetsaremyfave · 12/12/2021 08:15

These feelings are temporary, they will pass as time goes on. Get a head halter for the one that pulls. Changed my walks with my dog overnight, could walk him using one finger now 🙌🏻

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 12/12/2021 08:24

Dog walked and/or a dog trainer to sort the walking issues.

A tired dog is a well behaved dog in our household. My dp takes them for a good 6/8 mile walk on a Saturdays and Sunday, I walk them during the week but on the lead and not as long, they are far quieter on a weekend due to the longer walk

Also your baby isn't that old, give it time for everyone to settle in.

BackBackBack · 12/12/2021 09:39

There's "judgement" and "shade" because I see people like you all the time. And it's the rescue's running on a shoestring that have to pick up the pieces.

If your so confident that your feelings haven't changed and it's all going to be fine, then what was the point of your thread? Hmm

Latinorapida · 12/12/2021 13:23

What about your other half doing the dogs walks and taking them out to the loo for the feasible. Is that possible? Or daycare if you can afford it?

Thatldo · 12/12/2021 14:15

@BackBackBack

There's "judgement" and "shade" because I see people like you all the time. And it's the rescue's running on a shoestring that have to pick up the pieces.

If your so confident that your feelings haven't changed and it's all going to be fine, then what was the point of your thread? Hmm

👍
twinguilt · 12/12/2021 15:24

When we had twins our much loved but high needs ( nervy) dog took a back seat - and at times he drives me mad, however we've adapted. My DH does most of the dog walks (if yours works from home he can do this - it's a good break from sitting at the desk) and we have numerous baby gates dividing dog from toddler. I can't say there haven't been times that I've thought it would be fairer on him if we have him up, but I couldn't do that as we love him so much, and actually he's come so far with his nervousness - he's getting really good with the little ones as we never put him in a position where he doesn't have a choice. I think if you want to keep him it's about setting your home up so it works for you all and making the effort to think how it must be for the dog. When I can in the evenings he comes for cuddles on the sofa with me and I love that!

Original poster
LaraLou99 · 12/12/2021 18:50

@BackBackBack

There's "judgement" and "shade" because I see people like you all the time. And it's the rescue's running on a shoestring that have to pick up the pieces.

If your so confident that your feelings haven't changed and it's all going to be fine, then what was the point of your thread? Hmm

Err did you not read my dog is a rescue...

And I will repeat, my actions HAVE NOT changed but my attitude has. I am still meeting all my dogs needs just with less love than I used to. And even then, they are receiving so much love from dh, both our parents, our neighbours and friends.

What's your aim here? It's clearly not to help a new mother find balance in her life?

OP posts:
FTEngineerM · 12/12/2021 18:57

Look. I felt the same. The EXACT SAME. After our first son was born I began detesting our dear old boy (he wasn’t naughty and never ‘misbehaved’) that I’d had my whole adult life. We looked after him but I just couldn’t be the same, I saw him as a walking germ.

Cut a long story short.. he’s dead now. He died exactly a week after our second son was born. I had to make the awful decision to get him pts after we found out he had uncontrolled diabetes and was very uncomfortable, so at the grand old age of 11 (he was a 60kg rottweiler so that’s quite old for such a big boy) we laid with him as he passed away.

As soon as I got home I regretted everything, all the feelings, all the ‘germy-ness’ I felt. It didn’t matter because he was my first baby. He taught me responsibility,

Your reacting to motherly instinct to keep your baby safe, that is all. Try and keep in perspective that they were your babies first, they won’t live as long as you or your DC. One day they’ll be a distant memory.

BackBackBack · 12/12/2021 20:10

I did read that your dog is a rescue. Perhaps it's news to you that there is a really high return rate to rescues of dogs that have previously been homed, for this exact reason. I have one such dog on my sofa right now - three years in a home being fussed over, and then shunted straight back when a baby came along.

Your OP literally says that you can't cope with the dogs now that you have a child. If you read back then you will see I have given you some advice already.

Dashdotcom · 12/12/2021 20:18

I had the exact same thing with my dog, she is an absolute sweetie pie really and good most the time. She can be annoying and clingy but that’s just her nature.
But I found her so overwhelming when I had my baby. I think for me it was feeling like I never got a minute to myself and she was just another reason I didn’t.
I managed to change my attitude with time- probably when my baby got to 6months and I could put him down for 2 minutes and he was sleeping in his own room so I clawed back 30 seconds to myself a day.

And also I kept telling myself that I’m part of only two people my dog classes as her entire world, 2 minutes making an effort for a fuss and playing makes her whole day. She won’t be around forever and I know I’ll have nothing but regret if I haven’t appreciated her loveliness while I can. Even when I’ve lost my cool and shouted at her to bugger off when she’s under my feet, she’s come straight back to me with her happy face. That’s such an unconditional love isn’t it?!

Plus I can already see her turning into my little boys best friend (he’s now 10 months) which is amazing to watch.

It’s hard. But just remind yourself why you love them every day.

drpet49 · 12/12/2021 20:24

* It’s not a matter of getting a trainer it’s up to the owners to implement the training consistently . You only get nice , well behaved , well adjusted dogs if you put in the time and effort . Your first mistake was not training the original dog and you then made the second mistake of getting another dog to try and solve the issues of the first one rather than actually doing it yourself.*

^This. OP is just another lazy dog owner.

PlanktonsComputerWife · 12/12/2021 20:54

OP, many of us (who dote on dogs) have experienced this emotional pulling away when a baby is born. You are right that training, more walks and a cleaner are the way forward. You WILL dote on your dogs again when your head is a bit clearer, promise.

Original poster
LaraLou99 · 12/12/2021 20:56

Well I feel like shit. I assume that was your aim so I hope you feel good for it

OP posts:
NynaeveSedai · 12/12/2021 20:57

How much is your partner doing towards caring for the dogs?
I get it. My cat was my princess for 14 years and when I brought DS home from the hospital I couldn't stand her pawing at me and trying to sleep in his Moses basket. It is a weird adjustment but it will pass.

PlanktonsComputerWife · 12/12/2021 21:00

People don't know your circs, OP. You have said that there are many people caring for and doting on your dogs. What you are waiting for is the mental shift back to living your dogs as much as you did. You WILL. When your babies are old enough to run around with and play with their canine protectors / best friends, you'll feel a rush of love like never before.