Do people actually have "me time"?

[mummyof2littleones]

I have a 5 year old and 9 week old and find it extremely difficult to grab even 30 mins for myself once or twice a week. I was just hoping that someone would tell me this is completely normal with two little ones 😂

My friends (who only have one child or none), seem to think I'm exaggerating when I say I very rarely get the opportunity to have a soak in the bath or sit and read my book.

During the week I get up, feed and change the baby, then try to get bits around the house done while my little boy has his breakfast. I'll get baby washed and dressed, then the same with my little boy before taking him to school. When me and my baby girl get back home from the school run, it's feeds/nappy changes/play groups/food shopping (not every day for food shops or play groups though), and napping on repeat until school pick up again. When she naps, that's when I do my best to get washing/dishes/prep for tea done. When I've picked our little boy up from school, we come home, do his homework and we spend time together the three of us before my husband comes in from work. Sometimes I'll put some tele on for my little boy or get his colouring books out while I potter on starting to cook the tea and my baby girl sits in her highchair (that is suitable from birth) in the kitchen with me. After tea, I'll clean up while my husband baths the kids and gets them ready for bed or vice versa.

We take it in turns each night to read the kids a story before my little boy goes to bed and then I'll get bits done like a quick dust around where it's needed or put washing away before having a shower myself. That leaves me with about 40 mins to sit and watch some tele with my husband before I'm yawning and heading to bed.

When I've spoken to my friends about our typical weekdays, they've said they think I'm daft for not taking more time for myself. But these are all things that are part of our everyday life and I couldn't just decide not to do them otherwise mornings especially, would be chaos 😂 surely our daily life sounds normal as my friends have made me think that I'm too set with a routine and I should relax more.

I'd love to have a bit time to myself more often or to spend more quality time with my husband, but we don't have any other support to allow for this to happen.

Our weekends are less routine, but I'm now wondering if I am too strict with our routine through the week.

Does anyone else agree that it sounds as though I'm too "stuck in my ways" as my friends put it?

I think it sounds normal for 2 kids of those ages. Tbh if you want time to yourself you have to plan. If you need a babysitter to go out then you need to research that. If you want date night you have to plan that. All of that takes bandwith which you just dont have when you are sleep deprived. They just dont get it so please dont worry about what they think.

I have one child and a FT job and no me time. Child is at school now and it's not better - yet...

Sounds very familiar! With two kids it's really hard to get time to yourself.
Reading your routine though I think there could be some room for manoeuvre to save some time...

1. batch cook some meals at the weekend to make dinner time prep easier
2. get your DH doing some washing / cooking / tidying up and share the housework when he is home so you have more time together (my DH cooks whilst I run around the house tidying)
3. if you can afford it, have a cleaner come round once a week / once every other week so the household jobs are reduced?

That day sounds totally normal to when my (now 6 and 18 months) 2 were smaller, now they're both asleep by 8 so a couple of evening hours is bliss!

I have one child and work 4 days a week. I would say I have lots of time for myself. I go to yoga twice a week, I run during my lunch break, I see friends most weekends for a few hours while baby is with his dad. You have to take the time if you want it.

'me time' seems to be a Mumsnet invention.

I had a 14 month gap with mine so I didn't have the school run but I went back to work at 5 and a half months post baby

Totally agree about batch cooking then easy shortcuts like baby potatoes etc.
When dh gets in .. you go out for half an hour and let him sort things eg dinner could he ready so Id go out for a walk or coffee or look around the shops if they open near you. Or have your bath then

Both DH and I work FT and we have three DC (5, 3 and 3 months) but I do think it’s possible - you just have to prioritise it. So instead of spending 20 mins dusting or folding laundry when the kids are in bed, chose to sit down and read a book etc. Yeah, the dust and laundry will still be there but you will feel much better for it.

At weekends can you and your DH take it in turns to have the kids whilst the other has some ‘me time’ even if it’s just to go to a gym class or to sit alone in a coffee shop etc?

Get your food online too

I have 2 school aged dc and work as and when I'm needed. When I'm not at work and the dc are in school as normal I get the day to myself. Dh & I kind of share the house work but he does more than me so I just fill my time either sleeping or doing a hobby.

Thanks everyone! I think the batch cooking is definitely something I'll start doing, never even thought to do it but I definitely will look at meals to start to batch cook and freeze 😊

I'm on maternity leave and since my other half went back to work after his 2 weeks paternity, this is just the routine I've found we've fallen into really. I work full time (when not on mat leave) so our routine will obviously change again when I go back to work. I do 4 12 hour shifts a week so our little girl will be in nursery when I go back to work.

Online food shops also sound like a good idea too to save some time.

We can't afford a cleaner sadly but wow that would be lovely if we could!

Thank you all, I'm glad it sounds normal 😂 my friends don't say it out of malice, they know I've always been active and on the go a lot, even before I had children.

I get me time now Ds is 12… hope that helps

At that age we’d sit straight down when they were in bed tbh.

Little baby is only 9 weeks so it will get so much better
Just a few ideas - you could listen to podcasts and audio books for a bit of me time. Still able to get bits done.

Get a slow cooker (they are inexpensive in argos etc). Gammon is lovely. Stews. Chicken casseroles. Pork chops in bbq sauce type of thing.

@ProudThrilledHappy

I get me time now Ds is 12… hope that helps

Hahaha this is reassuring 😂

@Pegasussnail

Little baby is only 9 weeks so it will get so much better Just a few ideas - you could listen to podcasts and audio books for a bit of me time. Still able to get bits done.

Get a slow cooker (they are inexpensive in argos etc). Gammon is lovely. Stews. Chicken casseroles. Pork chops in bbq sauce type of thing.

I use my slow cooker constantly in the winter months especially, couldn't be without one! Never thought about podcasts though, what a good idea! Thank you 😊

When the kids are little you can do this by having say two hours on Saturday morning or an evening in the week where you go and do something. Even if that's sitting in a cafe reading. Your husband can look after both kids. Your husband could do the same on another day while you look after them.

I think the biggest thing is guilt. You feel like you shouldn't be going out on your own. But your dh really can cope and it will do you good.

When my eldest was born a friend of mine with a newborn used to go out every Saturday morning on her own. At the time I was in awe but I totally get it. She said she needed time to be herself and she looked forward to it every week.

@eddiemairswife

'me time' seems to be a Mumsnet invention.

"Me time" was something I had long before I had children or found Mumsnet 😂

@mewkins

When the kids are little you can do this by having say two hours on Saturday morning or an evening in the week where you go and do something. Even if that's sitting in a cafe reading. Your husband can look after both kids. Your husband could do the same on another day while you look after them.

I think the biggest thing is guilt. You feel like you shouldn't be going out on your own. But your dh really can cope and it will do you good.

When my eldest was born a friend of mine with a newborn used to go out every Saturday morning on her own. At the time I was in awe but I totally get it. She said she needed time to be herself and she looked forward to it every week.

My husband plays rugby on a Saturday dinner time until around 3pm; this is usually when I'll take the kids to a soft play or to a park depending on the weather. Yeah he would manage absolutely fine and is brilliant with the kids. I try to meet up with my friends once a month for a meal which is something I really look forward to 😊

Guilt does set in though, nothing quite like parental guilt!

Well if dh plays rugby every Saturday why would you feel guilty at all

I have 3 DC and I do get time to myself, though not much. My golden rule is: don't do any housework during nap times. Nap times are when I relax.
I also don't do playgroups, they're a waste of time in my opinion, unless you want to find mum friends.
Going out in the evening is much harder to organise. I never managed that before my babies were 10 months or so.

Sounds normal to me. I remember once I drove straight from a medical appointment with my baby to collect my son from preschool, I arrived 10 minutes early, so I parked up, turned on the radio and ate a sausage roll and thought wow I'm having me time

@Pegasussnail

Well if dh plays rugby every Saturday why would you feel guilty at all

It's something he's done since before we even met and he still deserves to do something he enjoys. It is the only hobby he has and I don't bedgrudge him. It's just normal mummy guilt I feel. I have thought about looking for a hobby for myself but not sure what I'd like to do. I'm not a gym type person haha

@HotPenguin

Sounds normal to me. I remember once I drove straight from a medical appointment with my baby to collect my son from preschool, I arrived 10 minutes early, so I parked up, turned on the radio and ate a sausage roll and thought wow I'm having me time

Honestly I can relate to that so much! I love a scroll on Instagram if my baby falls asleep in the car 😂

Having a partner who's available to help is a big part of it. I get an hour to myself in the evening after DH finishes work. That said, it doesn't always work out but I'll get plenty of time when they're bigger and don't want to sit with me all the time haha