Do people actually have "me time"?

[mummyof2littleones]

I have a 5 year old and 9 week old and find it extremely difficult to grab even 30 mins for myself once or twice a week. I was just hoping that someone would tell me this is completely normal with two little ones 😂

My friends (who only have one child or none), seem to think I'm exaggerating when I say I very rarely get the opportunity to have a soak in the bath or sit and read my book.

During the week I get up, feed and change the baby, then try to get bits around the house done while my little boy has his breakfast. I'll get baby washed and dressed, then the same with my little boy before taking him to school. When me and my baby girl get back home from the school run, it's feeds/nappy changes/play groups/food shopping (not every day for food shops or play groups though), and napping on repeat until school pick up again. When she naps, that's when I do my best to get washing/dishes/prep for tea done. When I've picked our little boy up from school, we come home, do his homework and we spend time together the three of us before my husband comes in from work. Sometimes I'll put some tele on for my little boy or get his colouring books out while I potter on starting to cook the tea and my baby girl sits in her highchair (that is suitable from birth) in the kitchen with me. After tea, I'll clean up while my husband baths the kids and gets them ready for bed or vice versa.

We take it in turns each night to read the kids a story before my little boy goes to bed and then I'll get bits done like a quick dust around where it's needed or put washing away before having a shower myself. That leaves me with about 40 mins to sit and watch some tele with my husband before I'm yawning and heading to bed.

When I've spoken to my friends about our typical weekdays, they've said they think I'm daft for not taking more time for myself. But these are all things that are part of our everyday life and I couldn't just decide not to do them otherwise mornings especially, would be chaos 😂 surely our daily life sounds normal as my friends have made me think that I'm too set with a routine and I should relax more.

I'd love to have a bit time to myself more often or to spend more quality time with my husband, but we don't have any other support to allow for this to happen.

Our weekends are less routine, but I'm now wondering if I am too strict with our routine through the week.

Does anyone else agree that it sounds as though I'm too "stuck in my ways" as my friends put it?

@VitaminA

I have 3 DC and I do get time to myself, though not much. My golden rule is: don't do any housework during nap times. Nap times are when I relax. I also don't do playgroups, they're a waste of time in my opinion, unless you want to find mum friends. Going out in the evening is much harder to organise. I never managed that before my babies were 10 months or so.

I take her to baby groups as it's a nice change in environment and it'd just be a bonus if I made a few more friends 😊

Sounds normal with a 9 week old, get her to nap on you so you can do guilt free tv watching and phone scrolling!

I've got a 7 month old and I'm currently sat in the car reading my book while DH and baby are swimming, only came in case boob is needed but if all goes well I'll stay home in future. Hoping this is the start of a bit more time to myself

You don’t need to have a hobby to want time off from DC.

If your DH has say 3 hours on a Sunday then why don’t you have the same on a Saturday. You don’t have to do anything worthy with it, it’s ok to just want to veg. Although getting out of the house for that time makes it easier to ensure the DC don’t bother you during it!

Could you meet up with friends more often, or if not, just go sit in a nice cafe with a book or your phone.

A little time off is so helpful

@maa32

Having a partner who's available to help is a big part of it. I get an hour to myself in the evening after DH finishes work. That said, it doesn't always work out but I'll get plenty of time when they're bigger and don't want to sit with me all the time haha

My husband is really good and we share jobs when he's home from work so I can't complain 😊

Me time.... What's that.

I get lots of me-time because I have a large family that loves having dd overnight😂
Before she started school my sisters and nieces would have her overnight or take her out for the day. My inlaws also had her overnight one night a week.
Now she's at school I do get time to myself when I drop her off in the morning. At the weekends she sometimes stays with family.

Totally normal with such a young baby i would say. Once they’re going to bed at an earlier time and sleeping better then I got my evenings to have me time but realistically that’s about an hour after dinner and before bed.

Get some noise cancelling headphones and take yourself upstairs to read/listen to music/chat to friends or whatever. It is definitely good to have some time away from being on duty.

I have always had me time, because I need it so badly, even when ds's were small. I think it's a mental decision early on to just all take time for yourself. I made it happen, and Dh was really supportive, let me have a bath in peace etc. I think it's doable if you talk about it to your partner. And if you also just make it happen at some point during the day or night.

What time do you go to bed? I couldn't cope without decompression time when I had a toddler and a baby so I used to get time to myself by staying up beyond midnight. I was knackered with an erratically sleeping baby so it didn't really matter sleepwise but I at least got to be me again for a few hours every evening.

I have friends who went the other way, though, and went to bed at 9 then complained of having no time to themselves.

I think it's lovely so many of you have that time to yourselves and have people close by who can help you out 😊

@callygoballistic I head to bed between half 10 and half 11, so I tend to start to unwind between 8:45 and 9:30. For all it's only about 40 minutes of wind down time, it makes all the difference and I look forward to it! 😊

@minipie

You don’t need to have a hobby to want time off from DC.

If your DH has say 3 hours on a Sunday then why don’t you have the same on a Saturday. You don’t have to do anything worthy with it, it’s ok to just want to veg. Although getting out of the house for that time makes it easier to ensure the DC don’t bother you during it!

Could you meet up with friends more often, or if not, just go sit in a nice cafe with a book or your phone.

A little time off is so helpful

That's very true! My hobby I suppose is my little catch ups with my friends where I can grab them. We all work shifts (again, when I'm not on mat leave), so the four of us getting time off together is a rarity, that's why it tends to be once a month or so. Would be lovely to try and get together more often but it's not always do-able unfortunately.

@mummyof2littleones

I think it's lovely so many of you have that time to yourselves and have people close by who can help you out 😊

@callygoballistic I head to bed between half 10 and half 11, so I tend to start to unwind between 8:45 and 9:30. For all it's only about 40 minutes of wind down time, it makes all the difference and I look forward to it! 😊

Sorry I can't work out the maths on this at all. If you sit down at 8:45 and go to bed at 11.30 that's almost 3 hours of me time right there?

@callygoballistic I said I go to bed between half 10 and half 11. I said I start to wind down usually between 8:45 and 9:30 so if one night it is half 9 when I sit down and start to relax and go to bed at half 10 that's an hour at most, as I'm out like a light when I get into bed unless my baby is awake for a feed/nappy change. However my 9 week old is still obviously feeding etc between these times before I come to bed too so it's not completely relaxed.

[quote mummyof2littleones]@callygoballistic I said I go to bed between half 10 and half 11. I said I start to wind down usually between 8:45 and 9:30 so if one night it is half 9 when I sit down and start to relax and go to bed at half 10 that's an hour at most, as I'm out like a light when I get into bed unless my baby is awake for a feed/nappy change. However my 9 week old is still obviously feeding etc between these times before I come to bed too so it's not completely relaxed.[/quote]
Oh perfect so you do have a lot more time than the 30 minutes once or twice a week / 40 minutes a night you first thought you have.

You have way more than that! Winning! Looks like you've already increased your me time just by recognising it.

"Me time" wasnt used when mine were babies.
It sounds like a corny phrase along with "Mummy friends"! However I had plenty of it.
Since each child was 6 days old they went into a creche for 2 hours Monday to Friday at my sports centre so I could gym and swim.
I met up with my friends once a week in the evening for few hours from ds1 being 3 weeks old. I still managed hairdressing appointments as well as my waxing, brows and pedicure.
I think it's so important to take care of your self and keep friendships up.

@callygoballistic it's not something I was complaining about; my friends had mentioned they think I am too stuck in my ways with our routine and I was really only asking if others have a similar routine through the week and very little time to themselves or if it was a bit too regimented. I thought a rough guess of how much time I get to myself or winding down on a night was fair enough, I didn't think I needed exact timings as they aren't always the same from one day or week to the next. There are some nights I get no wind down time too (which I'm not complaining about either and is absolutely fine), it's just the way things work out sometimes, so no two nights are the same.

My friends (who only have one child or none), seem to think I'm exaggerating when I say I very rarely get the opportunity to have a soak in the bath or sit and read my book
I find that really bewildering and it's not something I can relate to when the kids were small. I used to love reading their routine if bath, supper best story and then my bath to do my hair and face mask and relax. ( it used to be followed by watching TV with wine and chocolate but soon realised it had become a habit! The wine and chocolate has to be stopped!

I get quite a lot, I only have the one, but he is generally asleep by 7:15, I also don’t work Fridays, so most of my day is child free.

It's not something I was complaining about; my friends had mentioned they think I am too stuck in my ways with our routine and I was really only asking if others have a similar routine through the week and very little time to themselves or if it was a bit too regimented.

I bet if you didn't have a routine like that and were finding it hard to find 'me time', they'd say (trying to be helpful) the problem is 'you need more of a routine...' Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I have one 10mo and I haven't really had any time to myself since she was born - she sleeps around 9.30 to 4 or 5ish, attempts at shifting that seem to just end badly. I also have worked full time plus extra since she was 7mo. The only babysitters are also our daily childcare so need a break, and when my husband takes her alone I need to use that time for more work (plus often when she goes to sleep working for a while more) so no 'decompressing time' at all. Maybe an hour each week at the weekends total?

I think its just something some of us have to put up with for a while...

I have me time because I have one 3 year old. When he was under 6 months there was zero me time and it was just about surviving so at 9 weeks I'm not surprised you have no time! I'm pregnant again so back to the newborn stage again for me soon!

I was going on a walk/vent with a neighbour for me time at that age. a lie in on the weekend (awake but in bed and DH in charge of everything but breastfeeding) It's very difficult.

I don't really get much but always have time to have baths and read a book and stuff like that. The only completely child free time I get is when they're in school and youngest is in nursery 9 till 12 but I usually use that time to do housework. I really do enjoy that time just to collect my own thoughts.

Ah thank you all for the more recent replies too 😊 I'm glad my routine seems normal to you all and it's lovely that so many of you have taken the time to reply. I don't intend changing our routine at the moment because everything would descend into absolute chaos, but it's reassuring to know that many of you did the same when your children were of a similar age x

Following with interest as I do think what you're describing is totally normal, particularly if you have no outside help. I've been wondering something similar i.e. "what am I doing wrong that I seem to have no free time?" I have 3 dc: 4yo, 2yo, and 3 months. Older two are at nursery 9-3, but I just seem to spend all my days tidying up/sorting/organising/doing housework, cooking, laundry (oh lord, the laundry!! Washing, drying, sorting, folding, putting away...), feeding baby, changing nappies, trying to get baby to nap, mopping up sick...baby and I barely leave the house! Then once the older two are home it's constant demands for snacks/tv/toys out etc, dinner, bath, bedtime routine, and cleaning up the chaos they create in a matter of hours. 2yo has recently started getting out of bed so doesn't go down until 9-10pm some nights (and often wakes multiple times during the night, on top of baby's wakings for feeds) By the time she's asleep and I've sorted a few things for the morning/got ready for bed it's often after 10.30pm and I lie awake guiltily scrolling through mumsnet knowing I'll be even more shattered in the morning than if I just put my phone away and went to sleep...!