Super alert baby

[lykfay]

Hey everyone,

I have a 7 month old DD she is my first and she is super alert and very demanding ! She needs constant activity to keep her happy, Shes quite Whiny at times. She can literally hear a pin drop and I’m pretty sure she has eyes in the back of her head. Really nothing gets past her.

She is so stubborn and so strong willed. I’m finding it difficult to wean her. She seemed to start off ok but I think she’s teething and it’s putting her off. She keeps turning her head away all the time.

Since day one she has been quite difficult. When she was born she did the loudest longest cry anyones ever heard. She was quite unsettled as a newborn but I always put that down to her having silent reflux which caused her a lot of discomfort. She’s never liked her mosses basket or cot, she’s always wanted to sleep on me and would always wake up if I tried to put her down. She has been very clingy with me and still is. Only really seems to be happy if she’s being held and bounced around.

I’ve always found it difficult getting out the house with her especially when she was a newborn and being so unsettled all the time.

She answers to her name ( most of the time ), she looks when I point at things, She does socially smile ( even though it’s hard work for the poor person trying to get her to smile ) but she isn’t the most smiley baby I’ve ever seen. I get a couple of smiles a day and that’s it. She laughs ( cough laughs ) again hard work to get her to laugh but I’ve not actually had a belly laugh. She does give eye contact but it’s not amazing. She looks at you and the looks away but she definitely doesn’t avoid it.

She just seemed a lot more smiley and I definitely received more eye contact before she became so alert.

She has hit all her milestones so far except for babbling. She never really did much cooing as a baby but she definitely babbles the only thing is she doesn’t do it very often.

I've struggled with constantly worrying something is wrong with her, all sorts of neurological problems and my latest: autism.

I've spent the past 7 months fighting the way She is, feeling hard done by and honestly not accepting her. I have been in tears most days through exhaustion.

I find it really difficult going out to baby groups as everyone else’s baby is so chilled and content. Seems like they would sit there forever.
I just imagined having a baby so differently.

She isn’t the best sleeper. Tends to catnap in the day and wakes up about 3-4 times in the night but she’s fed to sleep so I think that might be the problem so trying to work on that.

I just wondered if you had a similar baby in the past how they turned out?

I’ll openly admit I’m a whittler and overthink everything but I just can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t right because she seems so different to other babies.

Thanks in advance and thanks for listening to my worries. X

All that sounds exhausting. I would strongly recommend speaking with your health visitor asap, even if you are not due a visit.

@Justaflippertyjibbet

All that sounds exhausting. I would strongly recommend speaking with your health visitor asap, even if you are not due a visit.

Is this for real?

She sounds like a completely normal 7 month old?!

Agree, sounds utterly normal.

My eldest was like that and didn't sleep through the night until she was 3 and always very alert. It was very tiring but she is the most gorgeous lovely 9 year old now.

Yes sounds totally normal to me, especially my first. It was hard.

Sounds normal to me!

Sounds completely normal OP..

If she is "whiny" most of the day have you considered she may be bored of being inside or over tired?

You say she cat naps but how many naps is she having a day etc?

Sounds like my dd. Who is now 20 and a very bright and sociable young woman

I couldn't put her down as a baby. And as a toddler/young child she would never play on her own. Some kids are just like that. Exhausting but once she started school she just got on with it. V self-sufficient and organised. Still is

Sounds like my eldest. Slightly more 'high need' than some friends babies who would sit in the pram on a full long day out or who would sleep through after a big formula feed. BUT you've described a very veerry normal baby, probably with more average behaviour than the ones who sleep alone / sleep all night / get a full 3 meals a day in them at 7 months.
The bit that feels tiring here is your anxiety. That's what I'd Speak to someone about.

Both my girls were like this. Never slept cried a lot. Bf to sleep but woke a lot. Mine did speak very early and dc2 walked on earlier side.
But unfortunately definitely dc1 does seem to have some sen (maybe asd/adhd). Now at 9 mainly doesnt get on with peers especially other girls. She is very impulsive. .
However it maybe unrelated to early behaviour. But i have to say its a bit annoying i put so much effort into exclusive bf but my kid is the most difficult of well the girls certainly. In fact an out of school activities person was really nasty last week about dc behaviour. But doesnt get that dc struggles with pe and performing and maybe transitions.
Anyway dc1 is also very bright (which maybe the bf??).
In our case we do have difficult characters in 3/4 of the grandparents (the other sociallly anxious) both aunts were also strong willed and dc cousin has adhd.
Also obvserving a few parents with kids with probable sen that whilst school and other parents blame the parent - very often the kid has other less difficult siblings. It is also pretty ridiculous complaining to me when even teachers and other groups cant cope! I feel like most people have no idea how hard it is living with a difficult child - be that difficult baby or child. Why them telling the kid off would work - when many before them have tried.
I think my main thought of asd is that dc1 doesnt have a sense of authority - be that teacher/head teacher/parent or someone elses parent /club leader.
One positive being though that she is less inclined to copy some friends bad habits as in unlikely to smoke later as doesnt care what others think.

It has got easier but its still not anywhere near easy (compared to most parents in y5 class).

Both my babies were/are like this (my second is almost 7 months and sounds very like yours!). With my first, I let it stress me out more and fought it more. I just go with it with my second (I have him in a sling a lot) - it is very tiring but less so this time round as I don’t use energy worrying about it. Hugs to you because it is hard! I really do think your baby sounds very normal.

My first was just like this!!!! A midwife in hospital said she had never known a newborn to fight sleep like he did, it was almost like he had a fear of missing out from day 1! I brought him to baby yoga/baby massage etc and he was only happy if he was up looking around him and nosying at the other babies That first year was really hard, sleep was always a big challenge and he was a real Velcro baby who could definitely be described as ‘high needs.’ He is now 2 and is the funniest, most sociable little man who is full of beans and makes us laugh all the time. The determination is still there so that can be challenging at times but he is so much fun. Try not to worry, it’s easy to over analyse everything, especially with your first but I think this sounds very normal!

My DD was a bit like this, a very high needs baby who didn't sleep much and wanted to be held all the time, preferably carried about to look at things. However... once she could walk she became the most incredibly easy and well-behaved toddler. She never really had tantrums, enjoyed walking around a supermarket, happy to sit and chat in restaurants... so there is hope!

"Alert" was the word people always used about my first baby. His sleep was... not great. He needed my attention All The Time. He weaned ok but was very fussy about food in several different ways. Various things over the years (including genetics) have made me wonder about what used to be called Asperger's.

He's 22 in a couple of weeks, in his last year of an engineering course and with a decent social life. (Diet has improved too )

I found he was interested in Toys That Did Stuff - anything with buttons to press was an instant hit!

I can't help getting the impression that you're trying to fit your child to your expectations, rather than just enjoying her as she is. (That's not a judgement, by the way - I think for various reasons my expectations were actually quite close to what I got, so I just went along with it!)

My DD was like that. She never read the baby book & was stubborn from the outset. Nosy. Would only go in a sling if facing forward. Never stayed still. Climbed anything & everything.
High performing & high energy in primary years. She now in high school. Doing well plus a million extra curricular things & loads of sport.

Thank you for all taking the time to share your personal stories. It really does mean a lot. It’s so very reassuring to hear a lot of babies are/ were like DD and they’ve turned out absolutely fine. I was a bit shocked at the first comment, my heart was in my throat but thanks @1940s for coming to my rescue.

@Merryhouse Wow engineering that’s amazing, sounds very smart. I know extremely intelligent people can show some traits of autism but not actually be on the spectrum. Did you say your son was diagnosed or you just suspected?

@Skips123 I also think about her being overtired which leads to her to being so grumpy. She tends to catnap for about 35-40 mins 3x a day but not long after she wakes up she’s yawning because clearly she’s still tired. I try to resettle her but once she’s up she’s up. I keep hope when she’s more mobile it might tire her out more. Not sure if it’s wishful thinking.

@HSHorror sorry to hear that someone wasn’t very nice about your DD. That’s not on ! People shouldn’t comment. I have a friend who had ADHD and he grew out of it, he’s such a lovely friend to have. Do you suspect ADHD or Autism but never been diagnosed? People with easy babies don’t understand!

I read little bits about high needs babies and seemed to feel like DD fitted into the description quite well.
Just plays on my mind how unsettled she was as a newborn. I know they say quite a lot of autistic babies can be like this. I literally couldn’t take DD out anywhere or didn’t feel like I could because of all the crying she did. For the first two months she would only ever settle with me not even with DH. What’s killing me is that I would have to wait 2-3 years to find out if she’s ok.
I sat crying on the sofa last night as my cousin has just had a baby who is now 6 days old and they’ve already been out and about with their little one and apparently she slept through the whole time they were out. I never had that with my DD just made me feel sad.

Did anyone else have any trouble with weaning ? Any tips would be great please.

I do suffer with anxiety and do believe it’s playing a major part in how I’m feeling. I did talk to my HV about it but she recommended counselling but I just don’t have the time at the minute with DD. Maybe when she’s older. I sometimes think I might have PND.

I just thought I’d love the baby stage so much more and I’m finding it incredibly difficult. I know that sounds awful. I really don’t want to look back and regret not enjoying this stage as everyone says how quickly it goes.

Every morning I wake up with a knot in my stomach just from pure worry. I find everyday so hard atm as it’s always the same. I put on a happy smiley face for my DD, I sing, dance to try and get her to smile and laugh only to be rewarded with a few. I go swimming once a week and to baby groups once/ twice a week, I like that it get’s me out the house but at the same time I don’t like going because it makes me realise even more how different DD is to others. We live in the middle of no where so can’t just pop out for a walk. Sometimes she is ok in her pram and sometimes she isn’t. Went for a walk the other day with a friend and she whinged the whole way until I picked her up.

Has anyone else had a serious high needs baby ? Or a baby that didn’t babble much ?

Me and DH have had a few arguments about this topic as he think DD is absolutely fine but like I said I just have that gut feeling she isn’t and they do say a mums instinct is never wrong. My parents have even fallen out with me at one point because of how upset I was getting about her.

I did want to have more children but now I’m not so sure. Will have to wait and see I suppose.

Thank you for letting me open up and talk about how I feel. No one else seems to want to hear it.

I think trying to diagnose autism at 7 months is too early. Both me and my sister are autistic and we were very different from each other as babies…

In fact, of all my mum friends, no two babies are the same. Some are much more chilled than others. And sleeping habits vary wildly.

I know it’s hard but you’re doing a fantastic job .

Have you tried baby led weaning? My baby has always hated being spoon fed and does much better feeding himself (it gets messy though ).

Mine is like this still at 1.

When he was born, the doctor came around and couldn’t stop laughing calling him ‘ the professor’, as all the other babies were sleepy a few hours old and Ds was just staring at every one

Mine was very like this as a baby and he is autistic. Other babies vsimilar to him autistic too. Others... not. Too early to tell, and seven months is way too young to begin the diagnosis process. I would say 18-24 mths at the earliest really. Just try to enjoy your baby. What will be will be.

This sounds very familiar. DC was BF, wanted to be held all the time, would protest about everything, dodgy sleep, always on the move. Still 'spirited' now, but happy, doing well. Wasn't interested in actually eating at 7 months, would play with food, push it in the direction of her mouth, but rarely ate anything properly until around a year. Generally gave her stuff to hold herself and also spoon-fed sometimes with porridge, weetabix etc. I drove myself mad stressing about her particularly with not napping, not being quiet like the other babies etc, easy to say now, but I wish I'd accepted her as she was and followed her lead a bit more and worried less.

@lykfay you've described my 7mo DD bar the smiling and laughing. However mine doesn't recognise her name yet.

I don't think yours has autism at all.

What I do think though it'd that you've described a classic case of postnatal depression and anxiety, especially the bit about the nut accepting her as she is and falling out with family over your worries and concerns.

I really think you need to get a GP appt and show you're original message here but say you may think it's PA anxiety and depression.

You have nothing to worry about on your DDs front. Sounds practically identical to mine even though all babies are different. xxx

What do you do to get her to laugh an smile? I've noticed that some of my mum friends have less smiley and laughy babies if they're not enjoying being a parent to a baby as much as those who do. And if you say you've been pre occupied with worry and crying most days it's not surprising. Babies do sense our emotions so try not to worry so much and see what the GP says.
You may not have found exactly what tickles you're LO yet. I've found the more crazy and nonsense that you do the more giggly they get xxx

How much do you talk about to her? Again babbling babies are usually babbly when mum never stops talking, singing etc to them xxx

You can only parent the child you've got - one of the best pieces of advice I've read.

I've got two, one was significantly better at being a baby than the other. Both catnappers though, both massive whingebags till they could crawl, both ridiculously curious about everything and everyone. Its a long standing joke at the stay & play I go to that I never sit down or finish my coffee because one of them is always getting themselves in a cupboard or climbing somewhere they shouldn't.

I think this is about your feelings though and you should really prioritise your own well being - whether that's getting counselling, meds or just getting time on your own for some self care.