How to get toddler out of the bath!

[LilyandBilly]

DS 2.5 has recently begun refusing to get out of the bath. I’ve tried giving plenty of warning, tempting him out, threatening to remove bath toys (and seeing it through). He doesn’t care. Will lie on his front with no water in and wait it out. He’s very heavy and I’ve got a back problem, the few times I’ve tried to just lift him out he starts thrashing around and really hurts me.

This happened again tonight and I’m in tears, both because it hurts but also from shame as I lost my temper with him and was rough - he started screaming that he was cold when I forcibly lifted him out and I just lost it, shouted that no wonder and it was his own fault for refusing to come out after the water had gone. Then we were both crying. It’s pathetic I know.

What do I do?? I have a 6 month old who is waiting lying on the floor while this is happening so I can’t sit it out and wait until he decides in his own good time to stand up. It’s really upsetting me and spoiling what used to be a favourite time of day :(

Shower?

I confess I used to tell my dc to hurry up and get out before spiders came up the plug hole!!
*no adult dc seem traumatised by my methods...

Oh, I always just say “Bye, then, I’m off to read stories to all your animals” and make to leave – she starts clambering out immediately, however wedded she was to the cold, empty bath before.

Let the water out and if he wants to stay in he can

Or else he can get out and have cuddles in a towel

Be firm. Tell him he either gets out now when you will help him, with a warm towel/PJs/story etc etc or he can stay there and get cold. And leave (even if you just stand right outside the door).

I did a lot of counting to 3 when my DC were small. It usually worked as I always followed through.

Anyone else that can do bath time? Doesn't need to be at the time you consider bath time

We've had this with 3 year old too. I say something like, "DS it's time to get out of the bath now, would you like to let the plug out or should I? I'm going to get your towel now, please stand up ready for me to help you out. It seems you are having a hard time getting out of the bath right now, I'm going to count to 3 and lift you out." The first couple of times he kicked off but if you remain consistent they calm down and know that you mean business. I think you need to find an approach that works for you and do the same thing each time - consistency really is key here. Also try shifting to something positive straight after you've got him out, like asking him what toy he wants to play with after he's dressed or along those lines so he feels back in control.

I can’t really do these options and leave my 6 month old hanging around tired and hungry, nor take them to bed and safely leave DS on his own in the empty bath

Is he cold? I used to hate getting out the bath when it was winter and I froze for a few minutes until I dried off and got warm.
Getting out independently is different and more jarring temperature wise than having the bath drained.
Can you heat some towels and his PJs and make a show of magic special towels? Thus making it more exciting and reducing the cold aspect.

A shower or flannel wash is a good idea.
Also worth giving him choices at the end of bathtime so he has some control eg. Do you want the blue towel or the white towel? These pjs or those ones? This story or that one? Whatever might appeal to him.

All these suggestions involve leaving him or lifting him, neither of which I can do

I’m not being obstructive, but it needs to work for me in practice - really appreciate taking the time for your suggestions

Have you tried making it a game? 'Let's get out of the bath and hop like a frog to get your jammies on! Boing, boing...' etc. This works a treat when DD is dragging her heels about something.

You can drain the water.

Also explain that every extra minute in the bath is a lost minute of (insert whatever post bath activity he enjoys). It’s not a punishment, it’s the natural consequence of wasting time. Bedtime doesn’t move so there is simply less time to read stories.

Or just move bath time to a completely different time of day. If it is causing stress at that time, it might go more smoothly if you just completely shake up the routine.

Why can’t you leave? Or at least pick up the baby and start to leave – have you tried that? Does he start to climb out/ask to be lifted out once you leave, or is he not bothered?

I’d be inclined to skip bath time for a while if it becomes a sticking point.

Try using a timer (egg timer or on your phone)... it's the timer that's saying bathtime is over, not you. Means they don't enter into a battle of wills with you, because it's the timer. Suggested by a friend and complete game changer for us - in almost any situation! We count down the last 10 seconds, do a funny dance to the alarm, then straight out...

1. Earlier during the day, when not in the bath, you can ask why he doesn't want to get out of the bath at night. And ask if he knows how he wants to change things. Does he want an alarm after 10 minutes of bathtime. Does he want a special song that you sing that indicates this? Does he want a 'magical towel'? Oh and do explain that you don't want to yell, but that it hurts your back to lift him...

Option 2. Earlier during the day, tell him what is going to happen. Explain the steps in the correct order. Remind him of this every day for a few days. I recently did the same with DD, just turned 3. To explain that when she and daddy come home, we will cuddle, take shoes and coat of and wash hands. You can probably guess that the handwashing was the problem... Best of luck!

Are you a single parent OP?
If you are, I get that it's tough. But, your older DC will come to no harm in an empty bath (other than getting a bit chilly). They can ask to get out when they've had enough - it might take a bit of juggling, but DC1 will soon get the message that getting out when the bath has been drained is a good idea, so it will be a 'win'.
If you have a partner they need to get involved, leaving you to see to DC2 while they get DC1 out of the bath.

I usually count to three, or set a timer on my phone and say "you can have x more minutes, when my timer goes off you will get out"

Laughing at the spiders coming out of the plug hole.

And agree to the timer/alarm as mentioned above. Also worked that way for us.

Bath your baby first, they don’t need to be lying around waiting for big brother
Pull plug out, let him get cold whilst you take baby off for a cuddle. Keep the bathroom door open so you can hear what’s happening.

If part of the problem is that you feel pressure to get youngest fed and to bed, he may feel that pressure too. Definitely a good reason to change up the order. Maybe even put the baby to bed first.

I used to let the water out and if they wouldn’t come out at that point I started running the cold tap ‘to start cleaning the bath’. It’s a Victorian house, they soon shifted!

@hotmeatymilk

Why can’t you leave? Or at least pick up the baby and start to leave – have you tried that? Does he start to climb out/ask to be lifted out once you leave, or is he not bothered?

I’d be inclined to skip bath time for a while if it becomes a sticking point.

Have tried it - well walking as far as I safely can anyway. He doesn’t care he just sits there. I’m fact last time I did this he sat looking around then when I didn’t come back, did a poo. So I’m even more reluctant to try again. It would be funny - if it wasn’t 🙄

@TheProvincialLady

I used to let the water out and if they wouldn’t come out at that point I started running the cold tap ‘to start cleaning the bath’. It’s a Victorian house, they soon shifted!

Natural consequences.

A couple of ideas - can you get a clock or timer with an easy to read face, even though they can't tell the time at that age, they can get the concept of "when the big hand points to six..."

• Make a routine board with laminated cards showing tv, bath, pjs, teeth, story that they can stick up when completed.
• Let them choose which stories they want for bedtime, when they are in the bath and it's nearly time to get out you can say "bath time is nearly finished, you get to choose when you get out, you can get out now and we will have time to read three stories or you can stay in and play for five minutes longer but then we only have time for one"

I think that toddlers have so little control over most areas of their lives that allowing them to make decisions and choices when possible can really help.

Also, if you are finding that it's becoming a stressful, unenjoyable, battle of wills, try to find a way to break that cycle. It doesn't matter if he misses his bath for a night or two, maybe put him in the bath in the afternoon as a play activity whilst the baby is napping, so it's a bit more relaxed and fun, nobody's tired and you don't have any time constraints.