How to get toddler out of the bath!

[LilyandBilly]

DS 2.5 has recently begun refusing to get out of the bath. I’ve tried giving plenty of warning, tempting him out, threatening to remove bath toys (and seeing it through). He doesn’t care. Will lie on his front with no water in and wait it out. He’s very heavy and I’ve got a back problem, the few times I’ve tried to just lift him out he starts thrashing around and really hurts me.

This happened again tonight and I’m in tears, both because it hurts but also from shame as I lost my temper with him and was rough - he started screaming that he was cold when I forcibly lifted him out and I just lost it, shouted that no wonder and it was his own fault for refusing to come out after the water had gone. Then we were both crying. It’s pathetic I know.

What do I do?? I have a 6 month old who is waiting lying on the floor while this is happening so I can’t sit it out and wait until he decides in his own good time to stand up. It’s really upsetting me and spoiling what used to be a favourite time of day :(

Ps should also have said OP, lots of sympathy. I've been there and it's awful. My youngest is 18 months now and it's a distant (but awful!) memory. Take it easy on yourself, a few rough bedtimes won't scar him forever

Thanks for the ideas, maybe changing up the routine is a good one to try. Running the cold tap - ha I love it! He hates being cold though, he would sob his little heart out

@NannyR I love these! You are genius. Will you be my nanny please 🙏

@DriftingBlue

You can drain the water.

Also explain that every extra minute in the bath is a lost minute of (insert whatever post bath activity he enjoys). It’s not a punishment, it’s the natural consequence of wasting time. Bedtime doesn’t move so there is simply less time to read stories.

Or just move bath time to a completely different time of day. If it is causing stress at that time, it might go more smoothly if you just completely shake up the routine.

DS 10 has ADHD and a phobia of having his hair washed. I do use the natural consequence of "if you waste time by having a meltdown now, you'll have to go straight to bed with no YouTube because you have to get up for school tomorrow." It works.

Why can’t you leave him in the bath? In what way is it not safe?

When DS messes about and won’t get out, we count to five, or sometimes we have a timer on, and if he won’t get out after the timer has gone off and we’ve counted, we leave him in the empty bath and wait in his room.

Why can’t you leave him in the bath? In what way is it not safe?

Hot tap. Slips and falls.

New character onesie ?
A choice of which PJ's to put on ?
Bath earlier in the day so there's an activity they could choose for afterwards?
Give a 5 minute and 2 minute warning so getting out doesn't come as a shock.

@MrsTerryPratchett

Why can’t you leave him in the bath? In what way is it not safe?

Hot tap. Slips and falls.

I can’t believe that was even a question

Pp’s suggestion of running cold tap to “clean the bath” was a great one!!

Don’t run the cold tap, that’s mean

I would use a clock as suggested. Is your dp around to lift ds out?

he's 2, you're the adult, you're the one with authority. Don't let him have a bath, tell him it's because of his behaviour. Wash or shower until he behaves.

He hates being cold though, he would sob his little heart out

That's the point of it, he learns he doesn't get to decide when he gets out of the bath, if you can't get him out yourself, he needs to learn he gets out before he gets cold.

We have a 'pre bath' routine as dd is prone to this sort of thing. So before getting in the bath she picks her pyjamas and which books she would like to read.

When it's time to get out she is reminded of what she picked and that usually does it. If she still refuses she is told that if she wastes more time she will only be able to have 1 book instead of the 2 she wanted.

We also have a set list of things so I can say to her now 'what do we do before bed?' And she replies 'brush teeth and last wee!' Which has become a bit of a game so something like that may work as well. Reminders of what the routine is.

Stop the baths?

@girafferafferaffe

We have a 'pre bath' routine as dd is prone to this sort of thing. So before getting in the bath she picks her pyjamas and which books she would like to read.

When it's time to get out she is reminded of what she picked and that usually does it. If she still refuses she is told that if she wastes more time she will only be able to have 1 book instead of the 2 she wanted.

We also have a set list of things so I can say to her now 'what do we do before bed?' And she replies 'brush teeth and last wee!' Which has become a bit of a game so something like that may work as well. Reminders of what the routine is.

This is what we do, so she knows what we're doing when we get out of the bath and is excited for it, she actually wants to get out.

Is your bathroom nice and warm? Sounds like he's just cold so doesn't want to come out as he'll know it will be cold. You could also have a warm water bottle ready and heated towel.

Have you got a step in the bathroom so he can get himself out of the bath?
We have this: Pourty Up Step White/Grey https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07FGTLRQF/ref=cmswwrcppapiglttfabc2VZWPVF5JGM3VPN1R0ER??encoding=UTF8&psc=1

My 2.11yo likes to get himself out of the bath but weirdly we have to leave the water in. No idea why.

@LilyandBilly well plenty other posters were also wondering! I’m not suggesting you leave him there for the evening, but you can step out of the room for a couple of minutes if the water is all gone, surely.

If your parenting was so good, you wouldn’t be here asking for advice, would you? When we left our son for two minutes and waited on the landing, he called us almost immediately - you haven’t even tried that, so maybe lose the superior, incredulous tone?

@LilyandBilly

Thanks for the ideas, maybe changing up the routine is a good one to try. Running the cold tap - ha I love it! He hates being cold though, he would sob his little heart out

Then he will learn to get out before the 'cleaning the bath' water starts, won't he!!

Oh God, it was the bane of my life when they were small. I used to just drag them out... I remember sometimes popping out for something and asking DH to get them out of the bath and 20 mins later they'd still be in there because DH's idea of getting them out of the bath was to shout 'Get out of the bath' to them from the lounge, like that would work.

Of course you can take the plug out & leave him in an empty bath! You are giving him so much attention, that's the inventive for him to refuse to get out.

Start looking after the baby, reading some stories, keeping one eye on him. He'll be happy to get out pretty quickly.

Could you do bath time in the morning instead? When my DD did this I was on maternity leave with my second DC so mornings were more flexible and I changed to doing her baths in the morning so that bedtime wasn’t effected by a tantrum but also because she wasn’t tired and grumpy it wasn’t so much of an issue and there was an incentive to get out the bath so we could play/go out/have a snack etc

@Gretaburley

Don’t run the cold tap, that’s mean

I would use a clock as suggested. Is your dp around to lift ds out?

Clearly the father is not around at bath time or this wouldn’t even be an issue. It’s supposed to be a little bit ‘mean’, it’s supposed to be making him choose to get out. It’s not supposed to be a lovely treat. If your not prepared to leave him, which is what I would do (With a nonslip mat/towel to prevent slipping and the hot tap firmly off) then timers/games or bribery might be the way forward.

@SilverGlassHare totally agree.

Are you doing a bath every day? Twice a week is probably plenty unless he does something to get dirty. Plus bath time doesn't need to be in the evening when he is tired/grumpy. You can do a bath or shower in the morning or afternoon instead x