How to get toddler out of the bath!

[LilyandBilly]

DS 2.5 has recently begun refusing to get out of the bath. I’ve tried giving plenty of warning, tempting him out, threatening to remove bath toys (and seeing it through). He doesn’t care. Will lie on his front with no water in and wait it out. He’s very heavy and I’ve got a back problem, the few times I’ve tried to just lift him out he starts thrashing around and really hurts me.

This happened again tonight and I’m in tears, both because it hurts but also from shame as I lost my temper with him and was rough - he started screaming that he was cold when I forcibly lifted him out and I just lost it, shouted that no wonder and it was his own fault for refusing to come out after the water had gone. Then we were both crying. It’s pathetic I know.

What do I do?? I have a 6 month old who is waiting lying on the floor while this is happening so I can’t sit it out and wait until he decides in his own good time to stand up. It’s really upsetting me and spoiling what used to be a favourite time of day :(

Some good, playful, suggestions here. Definitely change up your routine when you try and implement them, to try and break the cycle.

Have baths once a week and/or in the morning/afternoon for a while. Only when you have enough energy for a tantrum. And ideally right before something good, like snack time.

At that age I used to throw a towel over my children when they got out of the bath and bath them and try to guess what was under a towel- "it is a puppy? Is it a snake? Is it a hedgehog? No it's DS1!" If you play this after he's finally got out, he might be more willing to get out next time to play. "Let me find out who is under the towel" Then milk and fruit in the bedroom to temp them though.

I would also threaten a shallow bath if they're get out nicely. Big bubbly baths are are for children who get out nicely and go under a towel when the water goes. "Bye but water, see you tomorrow!" to remind them the fun will be back.
My DC always got so filthy at that age that they needed a bath pretty much every night. Once a week would not have cut it!!!

Bath him less and not at bedtime.

Shower him in the morning with you/ daddy.

Bye but water, see you tomorrow!" to remind them the fun will be back.

This is what I say when I pull out the plug, it really seems to help knowing that they get to do it all again soon. 2yo has started waving at the water as it swirls away 😂

I'd bathe him in the morning before breakfast.
He'll want to get out and eat.

Then he can ‘sob his little heart out’ whilst getting out of the flipping bath. Do you have a shower? Baths sound like more hassle than they’re worth.

There's a great book called "The Guzzle" which talks about how the Guzzle takes the water back to the sea. We take the plug out and tell our 2.5 year old that the guzzle / sea needs the water. Works every time!

We would play a drying game. I got a really large fuzzy bath mat and they would get out of the bah a straight onto it. I would throw their towel on top of them and then I would have to try and guess which bump was he head and which bump was the bottom (hilarious if you are a 2 yr old) arms and legs are also fair game for mixing up. Meanwhile I am drying like mad and they are giggling. You just need to make a name for the game and have them like it once to get a good routine started

We had similar with DS. He loves the bath and just doesn't want to leave and would happily lie there in an empty bath. I'm pregnant with #2 so physically I just can't drag him out anymore. What has worked for us is using a step stool so DS can get in and out of the bath himself with a little bit of support. He's so much more cooperative and it's a lot less physically demanding for me.

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

I confess I used to tell my dc to hurry up and get out before spiders came up the plug hole!! *no adult dc seem traumatised by my methods...

This has reminded me I used to do this too

No lasting harm that I'm aware of

Get a shower attachment and just give him a shower perhaps?
I think emptying the bath and having an animated conversation with teddy would have most kids wanting out.
“Which book teddy? Yes of course we can read that book! Ok are you all ready? Billy? Oh I think he’s just getting out the bath to join us in a second..ok let’s have a look at the picture… yes I can see a fox as well… what’s he doing?……. Oh hello Billy!! Come on in!”

@LilyandBilly

Thanks for the ideas, maybe changing up the routine is a good one to try. Running the cold tap - ha I love it! He hates being cold though, he would sob his little heart out

I used to turn on the cold shower and make as if to clean out the bath. Only took a couple of 'cleans' to ensure he was out before I started.

And if he gets cold and becomes upset then a very simple 'well that's what happens when you're all wet and won't get out of the bath and into a lovely warm towel' chat. Consequences.

Top tip - use bathtime to tidy the bathroom and clean the sink - the transition to cleaning the bath is much easier then

I actually think that turning a cold shower on a child is a pretty cruel thing to do, it's very different to the natural consequence of "bathtime's finished, let's pull out the plug, oh dear you're a bit chilly, maybe you need to get out now?"
It's more like "I'm going to do something pretty unpleasant to you to make you obey me" which sounds dramatic but it's what it boils down to.
When I discipline children I try to be respectful and not do or say anything that I wouldn't like someone to do or say to me as an adult and I certainly wouldn't be happy with someone tipping cold water on me in an attempt to teach me something.
I know that most children (probably) don't have lasting issues from this sort of discipline, but it just doesn't sit right with me.

We only do baths once or twice a week (for the opposite reason - my child hates them). She also has long hair which we only wash every couple of weeks and it's never dirty or greasy.

Just do a flannel wash on the other days. I'm fairly sure children don't really need a bath every day, unless they're caked in mud. Why make life more difficult than in needs to be?

When my lo is refusing I simply opened the bathroom door or window. That allows just enough cold air to get in to the warm bathroom as make her a wee bit chilly. She soon announces she wants out to get dry. Now she understands better I say, the door is going to be opened once the water has drained. She doesn't always refuse to get out but I think she likes when it's her decision to get out, even if I make the conditions right to encourage that along.

Sorry if this has already been suggested, I haven’t RTFT, just your responses.

I also struggle with back/neck/shoulder pain and have come to the conclusion that the only thing that works is screen time bribery. I’ve started letting DD play some games on my phone if she gets out of the bath nicely. Or at all really. She knows the app music now so I get the app going and hold it in front of her and she basically climbs out if he bath following my phone until she sits on her potty and I give it to her for a while.

It’s not the kind of parenting that I pictured myself doing when I was pregnant, but I didn’t picture myself with a debilitating health condition either. And it gets her out of the bath, stops her getting cold, stops me stressing and getting tense which makes the pain worse and leads to shouting and tears, so there it is.

Hope your back problems are something that you can recover from, and that you do 💐

Quite frankly if you can’t pick him out then you need something like the ‘clean out the bath’ method otherwise you’ll be there all night waiting for him to decide to get out.

When I trained my dog I asked him to do something three times and if he didn’t comply by the third time, I made him do it. Think, asked to sit three times and on the third time gently push his bum down to sit. Then a reward. Nothing cruel, just a easy consistent method.

I do this with my similar age DS and since you can’t pick him out I’d ask three times, with all the warm towels, sweeties, stories you have to offer. Then if he hasn’t got out I’d ‘clean the bath’ with lukewarm (not cold) water. Then all the praise when he does get out.

Not sure if it's been suggested but my son is slightly younger and he stopped listening to "me" a while ago, i always had to count down from 5 and do whatever it is.
Then i discovered he will listen to just about anything else, a pretend spider (my hand), the sponge, his own legs, the light switch, so nowadays all instructions come from surrounding objects! Another good one is, spider is bored and will go away if you don't do x.
It does need a lot of creativity and you need to keep changing it up, and it needs a few deep breaths at times, but it's more fun for me too than the alternative(which I've tried rather a lot of times and got frustrated!)
Good luck!

Couple of suggestions:

*visual timer to time the bath, show when the end is near (can get an app or egg timer). Do count down from 10 to pulling plug out.
*make something to look forward to after tha bath (eg reading favourite book or a small chocolate treat) and remind him of that close to end of bath.
*shake up bath time to get out the bad pattern by maybe doing it a different time to day or something.

Is it because he gets cold do you think ?
Maybe an extra fluffy dressing gown to go over his towel

Anyway- just some ideas

I get you OP I also have a stubborn, and very heavy (16,5kg) wild toddler. I don’t have the same hard time with a bath but I do with other things! Some people just won’t understand that with some toddlers nothing works be it asking, begging, shouting, crying, forcing, blackmailing. Nothing!
What I don’t get is why you have to bath him every day? I bath mine 3 times per week - that’s enough. I think in your case I’d stopped baths for a good few days and tried to explain the behaviour needs to stop, but then again who knows if it’s going to work or not. Anyway this shall pass one day, I’m sure it’s just a phase

@NannyR

I actually think that turning a cold shower on a child is a pretty cruel thing to do, it's very different to the natural consequence of "bathtime's finished, let's pull out the plug, oh dear you're a bit chilly, maybe you need to get out now?" It's more like "I'm going to do something pretty unpleasant to you to make you obey me" which sounds dramatic but it's what it boils down to. When I discipline children I try to be respectful and not do or say anything that I wouldn't like someone to do or say to me as an adult and I certainly wouldn't be happy with someone tipping cold water on me in an attempt to teach me something. I know that most children (probably) don't have lasting issues from this sort of discipline, but it just doesn't sit right with me.

Meh. Nobody said to shower the kid in cold water. Cleaning the bath is what happens afterwards, if kid is still in the bath when the cleaning starts and they get cold, tough. Consequences. Don't engage. Tantrums/refusal seem to get attention, even if it is negative. Back to basics - I'm letting the water out in 2 mins, 1 min, plug out, are you getting out? Water drains, right I'm cleaning the bath, oh cold water never mind.

FWIW I never bathed my dc daily, not worth it.

"The duck needs to go to bed now, darling"

If the water is out (so no drowning risk), I used to leave the room and switch the light off (door wide open, it wasn’t properly dark), saying I’m off to choose a story, give me a shout when you want to get out.

Apparently dimly lit empty cold baths aren’t actually all that interesting.

I told mine that if he stayed in too long he would go wrinkly, and showed him a picture of a prune. The prune was called poor Kevin and his mother had tried everything to unwrinkle him but to no avail. We had whole stories about poor Kevin, who still had to go to school even though his uniform was too big, and who couldn't play football because he was too wrinkly.

After a few minutes of cajoling, I empty the bath water and then when the bath is empty, I turn off the light and walk out. Works nearly instantly!