Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

In-laws friend always there on babysitting day

94 replies

SarahNTL · 02/12/2021 08:48

I rarely argue with my DH however we disagreed yesterday and I'm not sure what the outcome should be. My DH's parents kindly babysit my 1yr old once a week. I don't need babysitting as I work from home, but my MIL insists seeing the baby weekly, and why not enjoy a little break myself.

They recently rekindled with an old friend, who invites himself daily to their home. The first time I heard of this, my DH presented this old friend as a strange character who had gone through a lot, nothing terrible, but not someone you're dying to meet either.

So when I heard that this man had been there all day with my 1yr old, I sort of asked that it be a one time thing and that I would prefer if only my in-laws took care of my DS.

It's now been a month of this happening weekly. This man stays the whole time, and I feel uncomfortable about it.

So I mentioned this again, trying to be more assertive. My DH got very angry about this, as he now claims this man is family and has a great personality, and thinks I'm being totally unreasonable.

I understand that my DH has now remembered the good stuff about this man as he has been seeing him weekly when dropping off and picking up our DS.

I also understand that I'm not there to dictate who my in-laws should invite or not. But I just ask that this man doesn't come on babysitting days until I've at least met him.

My family doesn't have the same dynamic with friends and would reschedule with their friend rather than systematically have someone else with my DS.

Should I let it go and not follow my gut feeling (based on nothing) or listen to my DH who says that if he trusts him then I should too.

Thanks for sharing any comments you might feel is helpful or similar situations.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Canigooutyet · 02/12/2021 08:53

How are you going to insist this happens?

MintJulia · 02/12/2021 08:54

What exactly is your concern? That the stranger has an unhealthy interest in your child? Or that your pils will be distracted and not care for your dc properly.

Can you arrange to meet the man quickly, or can you check with the police - Sarah's law?

It's not really your job to tell pils who they can have in their home but I can see why you want to get it resolved. Maybe keep dc at home until you have met him.

romdowa · 02/12/2021 08:57

Honestly I'd say to trust your instincts. I'd be stopping dc visiting weekly until you've had a chance to meet this man and suss him out or that pils agree he won't be present when your dc visits.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Families General parenting

RockinHorseShit · 02/12/2021 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

MalbecandToast · 02/12/2021 08:58

What exactly is it your worried about?!

purpleme12 · 02/12/2021 08:59

Why don't you want him there?

User2638483 · 02/12/2021 08:59

I think you’re not basing your suspicions on much,
I would go round there to drop off/collect yourself and meet him.

User2638483 · 02/12/2021 09:00

If they were popping out and leaving dc with him I’d have a worry but doesn’t sound like they’re doing that.

User2638483 · 02/12/2021 09:02

Also just out of curiosity, what type of work from home is it that you do where you don’t need childcare?

LoveComesQuickly · 02/12/2021 09:02

You do seem to be basing this on nothing at all really. Maybe spend some more time with this man before leaping to conclusions?

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 02/12/2021 09:02

Can you arrange to meet the man quickly, or can you check with the police - Sarah's law?

No you can't get a check on the history of a stranger based on the fact you haven't met him.

Op is your dh the type to let your child be unsafe? Why don't you trust his judgement or just go meet the guy.

PicsInRed · 02/12/2021 09:03

Many women and mothers deeply regret ignoring their instincts.

I would end the arrangement immediately.

Bellevu · 02/12/2021 09:03

Saying you don't need childcare for a 1 year old when working from home is exactly why bosses are clamping down on home workers and demanding pointless check ins.

You cannot work from home with a 1 year old (unless working for yourself where productivity and deadlines are your problem).

Mamabear04 · 02/12/2021 09:06

Go with your gut. If you are uncomfortable then unfortunately your DH and inlaws need to respect that. Dont just put up to please other people. Do what you think is best for your child. I feel for you, it's a difficult situation x

LittleMysSister · 02/12/2021 09:16

I don't think I'd really mind about this? Surely he doesn't come over every day for the whole day?

Would you feel better if you went round and met him one day? If he's there every day I guess you could pop in any time and meet him.

If you are really bothered though I guess the only thing you can do is to stop the babysitting arrangement, nothing wrong with that.

MrsMiddleMother · 02/12/2021 09:20

Yanbu. The whole point of the babysitting is that the grandparents spend time with the baby, so having a visitor each week is out of order imo. I'd listen to your gut, stop the visits and just say if the want to spend time with baby they can but on their own not with someone you don't know.

lobsteroll · 02/12/2021 09:21

Have you met this person yourself?

lobsteroll · 02/12/2021 09:23

Sorry, just saw that you said you haven't.

I think that would be the first step. You've got a picture of him in your mind that could be totally different to the reality.

Of course you can say you don't need the childcare anymore. You don't need to specifically say what the reason is.

Is he always at the house or only comes when the baby is there?

Bagelsandbrie · 02/12/2021 09:24

Is he only there for literally the day they have your child? Or does he come on other days / times as well?? If he’s only interested in being there when your child is there that’s the time alarm bells should ring.

MrsFoxyplease · 02/12/2021 09:28

" PIL, Is John visiting in Monday?
Ok, I'll keep baby home. It's not fair on your visitor or yourselves having baby around taking up your attention. Plus baby doesn't know him and neither do I.".
Let me know when it's just you two and I'll bring him round.

AngelinaFibres · 02/12/2021 09:29

Seems a bit odd that this person is visiting weekly and that every week that visit coincides with your baby being there. Also seems a bit odd that someone would stay all day when they are seeing someone every week. If a friend of mine was having a granddaughter day I would visit on another day so I could have a nice time with her without interruptions and without invading her time with small person. Did he do this weekly visit before your daughter started going or is this a new thing that has suddenly started.

SoItWas · 02/12/2021 09:30

I would find this odd too op. Especially the fact it's a recent thing. Different if it had been their routine for years, and he really was like part of the furniture by now, but that's not the case. Until recently, your dh himself thought he was a strange man.

Dinosaurwoman · 02/12/2021 09:30

The thing about why predators get away with their behaviour is because they don’t come with a label on their forehead. You can’t tell by meeting someone. Look at behaviour, how many men actively want to spend time with their friends when they are baby sitting, not many! You’ve got to wonder, if he always went round on Tuesday and that was your baby’s day as well that’s fair enough it may be perfectly innocent. But seems different if he suddenly pitches up now there’s a young child around. He could innocently enjoy being around a grandchild but I think you’d need to spend time with them all to see the dynamics.

HeidiHaus · 02/12/2021 09:30

On the face of it this wouldn't worry me but I think you need to find out if he only arranges his visits for when the baby is there...if so that would concern me I think. Listen to your instinct.

AngelinaFibres · 02/12/2021 09:32

Just re read that you say he is visiting them daily. That is a bit much in itself. Maybe time for a rethink of your childcare arrangements

Flip

1 2 3 4