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My friend's son

62 replies

serenaskies · 22/11/2021 13:25

My friend I have sons of the same age (hers a a couple of months older). I feel she wraps him up in cotton wool to the point he's very soft. Everything makes him cry, even seeing rain outside! He's turning into a bit of a snowflake and my son is asking me to stop inviting them over to our house for playdates. I'm bringing my son up to be used to play in all weather (just ensuring he's dressed appropriately, like wearing wellies and hats when needed). But friend won't let her son play in the rain, in the cold, in the snow, when there's any frost and so on.
The boy is quiet, withdrawn and just looks vacant most of the time. I know he has asthma (but so do a lot of kids these days, it's not particularly unusual). She uses that as a reason to be so withdrawn from life and playing with friends. "Oh..he can't go out in the rain, it will aggravate his asthma..". He's a very sickly child and I think so much of could be avoided if she just allowed him to be exposed to things to build his immunity.
My son moans about this boy coming over because son just ends up playing alone everytime as the other boys isn't allowed to do anything. Just sits on my sofa quiet and withdrawn. Every single time. It's getting a bit much for me too. Kids should be kids not snowflakes.

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WheelieBinPrincess · 22/11/2021 13:28

I would t particularly want you as my friend so it’s fine to phase this one out.

I agree that it’s good for kids to not be completely wrapped in cotton wool at all but not my circus not my monkeys what other people do with their children.

LakeShoreD · 22/11/2021 13:31

Rather than judging your friend’s parenting, I’d focus on the fact that your boys clearly don’t get on. That in itself is reason to stop the play dates. It sounds like you don’t but if you did want to continue the friendship then you could focus on doing adult stuff together like going out of an evening once they’re in bed.

AliceW89 · 22/11/2021 13:33

Wow. Judgemental much?

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kitkatsky · 22/11/2021 13:34

We all parent differently. She's not neglecting him or putting him in danger. She's just doing stuff differently to you

RedwineforSantaplease · 22/11/2021 13:36

You sound nice.

I think it's time to admit this friendship is over.

Dillydollydingdong · 22/11/2021 13:36

For some reason the boys don't click. That's ok, not everyone can get on. Maybe you could invite another child at the same time so that two boys can go out in the garden together. Maybe the asthmatic child will want to go out with them?

magicstars · 22/11/2021 13:39

Wow as mum of a dc with asthma, I'd like to highlight how very serious & distressing attacks are. It honestly not just a case of 'getting on with it'. Can you imagine trauma of either not being able to breathe or watching your child struggling with breath? Calling a six year old a 'snowflake' because he cries is just mean.

I think the mum is absolutely right to do what she can to protect her dc & his health.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 22/11/2021 13:40

i think its very easy to pass judgement when you arent the parent of a child that is often sick. Its unfortunate when friends have children that don't get on, arent suited etc- fine to faze it out.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 22/11/2021 13:40

Id probably leave how she parents to her. Unless you know how severe his asthma is and what his triggers are, you're in no place to comment about it. Not all asthma is the same.

The boys dont sound like they get on. You dont sound like a very nice friend.

hotmeatymilk · 22/11/2021 13:40

Yes, he’d be a much nicer child if parented by you, wouldn’t he? JFC.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 22/11/2021 13:42

You can't just 'get on' with asthma because you perceive that it's not unusual.

It can take weeks to get over an attack.

Call the friendship off, for her sake.

Constellationstation · 22/11/2021 13:44

I’d do her a favour and end the friendship, there are much nicer people they can be friends with. Saying that, your post seems deliberately goady so I’m not sure that it’s real.

louise987 · 22/11/2021 13:47

You never know the whole story. Judgement of her decisions is your prerogative but won't come to any good. She feels and behaves the way she does for a reason, as do you.
If you really want to keep your friendship, have a chat with her. A proper chat so you can both understand each other's perspectives with no judgement (she probably knows how you feel about this), and you might just save the friendship
Or keep quiet and hope it doesn't lead to the break down of your friendship
Or, if you are seriously concerned about the child's well-being (which isn't clear in your OP) have a discussion with a health visitor or other appropriate professional. It doesn't read that it requires it, but I am sure there is more behind this post than what you've put here. Good luck and I hope you maintain your friendship and your children remain play buddies

serenaskies · 22/11/2021 13:52

I'm sorry if my post comes across negative. Just for clarity, the little boy last had an asthma attack 3 years ago. Nothing since and manages with an inhaler. He takes the inhaler to school and to his swimming lessons just in case. It all seems well managed.
The thing I was trying to get across in my post is that his mum appears to be sheltering him from life itself and brings up asthma whenever giving reasons why he can't take part in something: Could be anything from birthday parties, barbecues, playing outside, football (he wanted to join same football group as his 8 year old brother).

OP posts:
mrschocolatte · 22/11/2021 13:54

Calling a little kid a snowflake is pretty nasty considering it’s commonly used as a derogatory insult.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/11/2021 13:58

You have made yourself sound really unpleasant here.

Hottbutterscotch · 22/11/2021 13:59

Yeah that’s really not how asthma works. Exacerbate it and then it will get better? Hmm...

One of my children is Asthmatic and it’s unnerving to hear other people talk as though it’s something and nothing. It’s a Lung disorder. A serious lung disorder that can end in death.
Even small attacks can require steroids that affect growth in children.
If your boys don’t get on generally then it’s fine to not force them together but it’s you are dead wrong about Asthma. If that’s the way you think I definitely wouldn’t allow my child to be supervised by you.

LaMagdalena · 22/11/2021 14:03

I have asthma and it is definitely aggravated by cold weather, and no amount of 'exposing' me to cold weather will change that. And my asthma is pretty mild!

LivingNextDoorToNorma · 22/11/2021 14:09

Your children don’t click, and that’s absolutely fine. As adults we ‘get on’ with some people better than others, there’s no reason kids should be different. Just stop organising play dates, it doesn’t sound like either boy is enjoying them.

I’m assuming, since you seem to have a pretty low opinion of her, that you have no desire to maintain your relationship with your friend either. If that’s the case, just phase out contact along with the play dates.

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 22/11/2021 14:21

Glad to hear your child doesn't have asthma. My DS does and it's not just a case of 'getting on with it..' The cold weather makes it ten times worse. I haven't wrapped him in cotton wool but I also never underestimate how bad a bad attack can be as he's been hospitalised on many occasions.

As for your friend, she can raise her child how she sees fit without your judgement. You're free to do the same with your own child.

MindyStClaire · 22/11/2021 14:31

Maybe he hasn't had a serious exacerbation because she's doing such a good job of managing it.

Honestly, I was that kid, I'm still sometimes that adult. It's not fun. My lovely PIL visited yesterday and mine is acting up now after a cold and the change in the weather - still coughing today thanks to his smoking before they arrived and her perfume.

Hottbutterscotch · 22/11/2021 14:33

My child hasn’t had a severe attack in almost two years now but before that it was a stay in hospital once every 6 weeks.
Well managed Asthma is a combination of the right meds and avoidance of triggers.

Also, it’s possible that this little boy is just realising he is Asthmatic. That can induce anxiety. It did for my child. Maybe he is anxious of rain etc because they induce symptoms. My DC won’t get on a trampoline & hates PE. It’s not nice for anyone let alone a child.

I’m sure you didn’t mean to sound so dismissive but you are. Perhaps reconsider the judgement of your friend. She likely has some anxiety around it too.

ittakes2 · 22/11/2021 14:34

It fines to stop the playdates but not fine to be so critical of your friend's parenting. You don't live their life.
I think it wouldn't hurt for you to build some acceptance for others who are different to you into your parenting - being so judgy of others is not an desirable trait.

Sayke · 22/11/2021 14:36

Judgey McJudgepants

Do your 'friend' a favour and keep your unhelpful and ignorant opinions to yourself

ittakes2 · 22/11/2021 14:36

You are saying his asthma is well managed as he hasn't had an attack in three years...you just don't get it do you?