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My friend's son

62 replies

serenaskies · 22/11/2021 13:25

My friend I have sons of the same age (hers a a couple of months older). I feel she wraps him up in cotton wool to the point he's very soft. Everything makes him cry, even seeing rain outside! He's turning into a bit of a snowflake and my son is asking me to stop inviting them over to our house for playdates. I'm bringing my son up to be used to play in all weather (just ensuring he's dressed appropriately, like wearing wellies and hats when needed). But friend won't let her son play in the rain, in the cold, in the snow, when there's any frost and so on.
The boy is quiet, withdrawn and just looks vacant most of the time. I know he has asthma (but so do a lot of kids these days, it's not particularly unusual). She uses that as a reason to be so withdrawn from life and playing with friends. "Oh..he can't go out in the rain, it will aggravate his asthma..". He's a very sickly child and I think so much of could be avoided if she just allowed him to be exposed to things to build his immunity.
My son moans about this boy coming over because son just ends up playing alone everytime as the other boys isn't allowed to do anything. Just sits on my sofa quiet and withdrawn. Every single time. It's getting a bit much for me too. Kids should be kids not snowflakes.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Pompypomypomp · 22/11/2021 20:29

Hmmm. Not sure why op got such a grilling here. Apart from the snowflake comment, it's clear the dc is being over protected to the extent he is isolated. However maybe it's also the dc who has social anxiety issues or other mh problems? Was dc a normal child, pre asthma diagnosis op? It is very much possible that the mum caused his behaviour also. In either case there's not much you can do op... It is frustrating to see mums, especially friends (my friend doesn't let her 5 dc run as he would sweat and get sick) behaving like this and creating a lifetime of mh issues for their children. Hopefully he'll get back his sanity and independence when he grows up.

Stomacharmeleon · 22/11/2021 20:52

@PleasantFucker because it so nice and non judgmental to call someone 'dim'

PleasantFucker · 22/11/2021 21:09

@Stomacharmeleon Biscuit

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Stomacharmeleon · 22/11/2021 21:12

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PleasantFucker · 22/11/2021 21:14

Lol are you quite well? @Stomacharmeleon

Coyoacan · 22/11/2021 22:04

I remember a few years ago, people were saying that asthma was caused by overprotective mums. I don't have an asthmatic child, thank god, but I'm sure if I did, I too would be "overprotective". It must be terrifying.

ThesecondLEM · 22/11/2021 22:17

Must be so good to be a perfect parent.

maddy68 · 22/11/2021 22:27

What on earth does this have to do with you ? Why do you think you're entitles to an opinion on someone else's parenting?

Just go your own way

saraclara · 22/11/2021 22:33

@maddy68

What on earth does this have to do with you ? Why do you think you're entitles to an opinion on someone else's parenting?

Just go your own way

Ha ha ha!

Where would mumsnet be if people didn't have opinions on other people's parenting?

@ThesecondLEM you don't have to be a perfect parent to recognise that the restrictions that you're placing on your child are depressing him, socially isolating him, and potentially making him a sitting duck for bullies as he gets older.
Being an adequate parent is enough to consider your kid's mental health as well as his physical health.

Angeldelight21 · 23/11/2021 10:09

I don't think you are friends in a first place because if you were you would have this conversation with your friend and wouldn't post on the forum behind her back.

It seems you dont know much about the boy's condition or about your friend's feelings either.

You cannot be a friend with everyone and that's fine. But if you consider yourself a friend than try to understand and help her instead of just judging/critisising. Many times we cannot relate to a problem if we did not experience it ourself, so don't be so hard on peeps.

RobinPenguins · 23/11/2021 10:22

@saraclara

Weird responses. (Apart from the ones criticising you for calling the kid a snowflake - what were you thinking?)

I feel for the kid. Clearly he has no life. He can't join in things with his peers, and she's clearly way over-protective (and I speak as someone with a ton of experience of familial asthma)

A full blown asthma attack is terrifying. But what I also find terrifying as a parent, is child mental health issues. And isolating him from his friends and activities, and making him anxious about his health, is just as much a risk to him (in my opinion anyway) as his asthma might be.

I agree with this. The asthma thing seems like a red herring that’s been pounced on by people who wanted to criticise the use of the word snowflake, which is not a good way to describe a child but doesn’t mean that this isn’t a strange situation.

I’d stop the play dates, my DC would feel really uncomfortable in this situation so I wouldn’t continue to put them in that position. I also wouldn’t want them influenced by the other child’s behaviour to think that’s the way they’re supposed to behave when you go to someone else’s house.

Pompypomypomp · 23/11/2021 11:47

@saraclara I agree

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