Can people be less understanding when your child looks older than they are?

[mag2305]

My son is only just 3 but he's tall for his age and we frequently get comments about him looking more like 4 or even 5. Behaviour wise, he's definitely a 3 year old! But I do think he gets less understanding in general because he looks older. If we're at the park for example, he gets over excited and can be all over other children. So we're often saying to other parents, he's only just 3! Today at pre school, the manager said that my ds sneezed everywhere and was wiping is all over the place (nice!) and that they were talking to him about catching it in a tissue or his hand. Whilst doing this, he was stopped from going outside for a little while. I thought that sounded a bit extreme. I've taught reception and year 1 for years and even they struggle with this! But then the manager said something to me about forgetting my ds's actual age and I thought, yeh, I bet that's why you said that to him. Makes me feel kind of sad for ds.

Anyone else have a child who looks older? What's your experience?

That sounds very irritating OP. I get the same thing but on a smaller scale as my DS isn't as old as yours he's only 1.

What does the "all over other children" consist of? If he's getting physical with smaller children he needs to be taught not to, being three isn't an actual excuse.

Yes 100%. My DSD is very tall and stocky and has always looked around 2 years older than she is. Emotionally and behaviour wise she is very young for her age as well which makes it worse. At 3/4 she used to have the most horrendous screaming tantrums, throwing herself around and hitting us, and people would look on in disgust, whereas when my titchy DD3 has (albeit never so dramatic) tantrums in public I get sympathetic smiles and nice comments. We also used to have issues in soft play when she was being a nightmare in the toddler area and parents complained and refused to believe she was young enough. Overall I feel people are very harsh towards her compared to my girls who are both very petite. My youngest DD is quite tall compared to my elder two (only 9m old though) so I'll be interested to see if there's the same dynamic without (hopefully!) the behaviour element as well

@GreyhoundG1rl I meant following other children around at the park with non stop chatting to them. Sometimes he even hugs other children whether they want to be hugged or not. Or he'll give them a stroke on the head. He just loves other children and wants them to play with him but I think other children find him a bit overwhelming. He's very confident. So I didn't meant hurting other children.

I meant following other children around at the park with non stop chatting to them. Sometimes he even hugs other children whether they want to be hugged or not. Or he'll give them a stroke on the head. He just loves other children and wants them to play with him but I think other children find him a bit overwhelming. He's very confident.

You do know this is not okay for some kids right, and they are being hurt as they find it extremely mentally distressing. I had one that, as a 3yo, would have screamed like a monkey, punched your kid in the face and kicked them for good measure if your kid had of acted like that in a park or wherever with them. And I wouldn’t have blamed them.

Oh God yes.
DS looked 5 when he was 2, 7 when he started school and 16 now he’s 13!
He didn’t behave like that with other children, although we always taught him to be aware of his strength but adults were forever treating him the age he looked rather than the age he was and still are

[quote mag2305]@GreyhoundG1rl I meant following other children around at the park with non stop chatting to them. Sometimes he even hugs other children whether they want to be hugged or not. Or he'll give them a stroke on the head. He just loves other children and wants them to play with him but I think other children find him a bit overwhelming. He's very confident. So I didn't meant hurting other children.[/quote]
That’s not ok at any age

I think you need to be more on top of his behaviour, tbf. If you're "often" excusing him to other kid's parents he's clearly having a negative impact on other kids.
You can't just shrug and say"he's three!", that won't wash.

I grew quickly (5ft 8 at 11) and got this all the time as a child and growing up. It did affect my confidence. It is definitely a thing and you are right to challenge it.

Yes, definitely. My children are very tall and people always think they are a couple of years older than they are. I once had comments about Ds behaviour by a photographer who had assumed he was about 7 - he was 4!

I think that definitely people expect 'more' from the taller/bigger children. It's almost instinctive.
We had the opposite, with people 'babying' my DD who was small for her age, so they expected 'less' of her.

I always had the same issues with ds1. To the extent that when he was 6 another mum complained about him being in the female changing rooms at swimming and how it was so disgusting such a big boy was allowed in there, he was making her daughter feel uncomfortable as he was watching her (he really wasn’t) and that he should be in the men’s changing rooms (by himself). He was still in infants ffs.

I spent loads of time defending him as he was constantly mistaken for being older ‘look at that big boy acting like a baby’ - he’s only 2 or 3, or whatever.

People can be so judgy just on appearance.

And arguing with bus drivers over his age and that I should pay for him.

Thankfully ds2 was more ‘average’.

Yup I think people give people DD (only just 2) the side eye when she’s having a tantrum and not listening.

My elder DD was tall for her age, had speech delay and didn't talk with people she was unfamiliar with. She was judged as being rude a lot for not saying things like thank you, when it took a lot of effort for her even to look at someone and smile (while I said thank you for her. She managed to say it when she was six... baring in mind she could go a whole school day without saying a word to her own TA!)

Yep I had this as a kid (5'6" by the age of 10 and same build I have now give or take weight changes). It was a sense of regularly letting people's expectations down in terms of behaviour and it has affected my confidence.

We have this, my little one is speech delayed but only 2. They say lots of words but no chats or sentences but he’s so tall that people expect full blown conversations and look at him like he’s being rude. He just doesn’t have those skills yet and looking older by ag least a year doesn’t help!

My friend had this problem- her little boy always looked a lot older than he was. So they’d be expecting 5 year old behaviour from a barely 3 year old and often looked askance at her. I had the opposite; a very verbally advanced little girl who looked a lot younger than she was. (Think an 8 year old with a reading age of 11, but people thought she was 6!).

Yes, my DS is 17 months and I think he has a baby face (but my friend saw a pic of him and thought he was 4! Wtf) - but he's really tall - and I am always chasing after him at playgroup - I'm so paranoid that the other parents are judging me as being a "helicopter mum" but in my head I'm thinking, do they know he's only a baby?

I am guessing I will have more of this to come.

I have a big 19 month old, could easily pass for 3. I do find it awkward in the playground and at playgroups. His behaviour is still very young - not sharing, pushing someone out of the way, not much in the way of speech. Obviously we try our best to teach him good behaviour and I try to stop these situations arising but he is still so little. I am often asked how old he is by other mums and am used to him getting dirty looks.

I have a tall three year old too and people have always thought he's older than what he is and expect more from him.

I have the opposite situation and I think you are totally right in thinking it's easy to judge on size vs age.
My son is a tiny little thing at 3, and always been. He's language is not very developed (within normal range, nothing to worry about) and he could easily pass for a a baby half his age.
We often get the owwww and awwww from random people thinking he's such an advanced little one, doing amazing things for his age like running and climbing and using a balance bike or playing very confidently in the playground.... not realizing he's a pre-schooler!

HIS language, not he's!

Yeah we have this. DS is 7(almost 8) but could pass for 10,11. People always assume he's older. It was tough when he was little because people would speak to him like he was 6 but he was only 3!

@HoppingPavlova I’d have more of an issue with your kid getting violent than OPs being friendly