Would you deceive your husband by pretending to take the pill because you're desperate for another baby?

[BigBlueHat]

theoretically speaking would anyone do this?

Has anyone out there done it? Or created an "accident"in some other way.

Just interested to know .......

I wouldn't personally for lots of reasons. Mainly because we are fortunate in that we agreed in the first place how many children we would like. My instinct is that it could spoil the trust you have but that is only imo and I am not in a position to judge as I am not desperate for another baby...

Desperate NOT to have another one in fact!

No.

I would (hypothetically) consider telling him that as I wanted another baby and he didn't I was going to stop taking the pill and contraception would be his responsibility, but not deception. It'd be a bad start to a new life.

Never! What's the point? If you are willing to deceive in this level what else would you do? You have to have trust and have to want the same things...especially children! If I was desperate for another baby I would discuss it with my partner. If he said no then I would then have to weigh up my options but I would never deceive him.

No. It's a bloody evil thing to do. Imagine waking up one morning and your husband saying "Guess what darling! We are adopting a baby! We are going to be parents again!"

No - I really want another baby - however - IME it is hard enough when both of you have activley decided to have a baby - the idea that I could have deceived him would make it even harder on the more difficult days of parenting.

That said - I am quietly trying to get Dh to see that baby 3 may not be such a bad idea.

No way - it HAS to be a joint decision

No, No, NO

When I met my ex he said he wasn't into marriage and children, but within 9 months he asked me to marry him. I asked about children as I knew I'd want them at some point and he said yes, but not now.

I got more and more broody and he was less and less ready. One three years into the marriage I asked him seriously if we could start trying for a baby. He said he didn't want to have babies with me, might might with someone else and the marriage was over.

If I had engineered an 'accident' it would have been a whole lot worse.

no.
dh didn't want a 2nd child, I desperately did. We nearly split up over it - but I would have never considered doing this.

I know someone who has. But I never would

No way

no, absolutely not

could trap someone and breach their trust like that.

how could your spouse ever trust you again after that?

it is not fair to the child either.

could not trap someone....

no

I know someone who did. It cost her her marriage.

Haven't done it but dh was very reluctant for no. 2 so basically I told him I was trying for a baby and if he wanted to prevent it then it was up to him to stop it - he didn't and we are now both happily expecting no. 2 I wasn't on the pill so didn't have that option so I'm not sure if I could of actually gone through with it but the thought of tricking him did cross my mind more than once.
I did actually end a 9 year relationship because my ex decided he did not want children and I did - funny thing was he got his next partner pregnant in the first 3 months of their relationship

No. If you are desperate for kids and he is not then you have to deal with that as a couple. I assume you have children already so it's not like he's saying he doesn't want any children ever.

It may seem unfair that you want another but he doesn't. However marriage is a partnership and you signed up to acceptance of each other and respecting each other's choices. You have a contract with him. Don't break that or he'd be within his rights to tear up that contract.

He's your husband, your best friend, you should be able to talk to him about how you feel. If you can't do that, then you shouldn't be having another baby without working out what's going wrong with your marriage first.

Exactly what Cliff said, I think to stop taking the pill when he thinks you are taking it, is a one way ticket to the divorce lawyer.

No. I would not do this. I can understand the desperation (been there) but it is unacceptable to force a child on someone through deceit. It is a life-changing event, a massive commitment and not a decision you have the right to make for someone else.

to give a little more information. Dh and have been married 8 years and have a very good strong marriage. We have 3 dc's age 6, 4 and 2. I desperately want another, dh says no, or at least not at the moment. I'm 38 soon and don't really want to wait.

I just don't know how to persuade him. I've become obsessed with the whole thing and find it hard to think of other things at times. I know I should be thankful for what I have, and I am, but I can't put an end to this overwhelming deire to have another.

What can I do?

I think you need to look behind the desire. Why do you really want another baby? Are you afraid of getting old? Do you work? If not, are you afraid of what will happen to you once they are all in school? Is your identity instrinsically linked to your children? Your desire to have another could be a symptom of a bigger problem.

Agree with everyone else, don't trick him into it, consequences could be dire and he might never trust you again, not great for anyone in the family. If you are feeling this desperate then have you thought about exploring the reasons why you want another child so much with someone professional, counsellor or whatever? Or even Relate? Might help you come to terms with whatever decisions you make together as a couple, and it would give you some ways of dealing with these overwhelming feelings.

No. You could tell him you've stopped taking pill and ask what he wants to do about it. It's up to him to take preventative measures then. Not right to stop and have him thinking that you're taking it. Even if you were to claim it was an accident he would always be suspicious.

No. You could tell him you've stopped taking pill and ask what he wants to do about it. It's up to him to take preventative measures then. Not right to stop and have him thinking that you're taking it. Even if you were to claim it was an accident he would always be suspicious.

I suspect a couple of my friends have done this but I can't be sure. I can understand the temptation and the difficulty if you're longing for another baby and he isn't BUT I think it could have a devastating impact, long term, on the relationship and some knock on for the child too.