I don't do any fun activities with my toddler

[failing444]

He's 18 months and has lots of books and toys but is clearly bored of them. I just can't face doing messy play activities like painting or anything else - the thought of the huge mess (and the fact that he will probably get bored after about 5 minutes anyway) just makes me feel exhausted before I've even begun.

I feel bad that he's just stuck with his same old toys though and feel so guilty that I'm not giving him all these different sensory experiences that everyone else seems to. I look on Pinterest and there are so many people having the best time with their babies but we don't do anything like that. I'm so uninventive.

We do have a small garden but the lawn is quite long and cats and foxes use it as a toilet (!) so I'm reluctant for him to potter round on that.

We do go to the playground which he enjoys, but it's the same old thing every day.

I feel like such a crap mum and such a failure

When my boy was this age, park every day was about all I did.
He would be really challenging if he never had that fresh air and run around.
Has he got a ball?

Do you sing and dance?
Try listening to/singing along with nursery rhymes and doing the actions/dancing.

It doesn't sound like you are a bad mum to be.
Are you feeling down?

Oh, stop looking on Pinterest!

I was never madly keen on messy play so I used to take my DC to the children’s centre for a bit of that - painting, sand, pouring lentils etc. Can you do that?

DC really don’t need very much but if he’s very bored at home, could you mix it up a little bit? Waterproof coat and a bowl of water and some pouring stuff in the back garden for instance?

You can get water singing books. No mess, good fun, like magic.

Our local church does messy play sessions: anything in your area like that? (no religion).

Water painting, not singing (that would be magic )

Are there any mum and toddler groups in your area? I'm not sure what's running now because of the pandemic but when mine were little I used to go to a different one about 4 times a week!

Kids got to play with different toys/other children and I got to have a coffee and chat with other mums. It kept me sane!

We go to a stay and play session once a week but there aren't any children's centres offering messy play near us sadly.

I tried lentils and dry spaghetti but DS lost interest after about two minutes. I will look into water painting books, thank you.

I feel like such a failure.

Are you feeling down?

I am a bit, if I'm honest.

How do people have the energy to set up all these big, messy activities?

Pop him in the bath with lots of bubbles and some plastic cups and spoons. No mess, a clean child at the end and entertainment for as long as you can keep it warm ish.

My daughter used to love her big storage box of stuff. I had a blanket I put down on the floor, a plastic under bed storage box with some measuring cups, jugs, spoons and Playmobil people. I'd then put stuff in it that could be scooped, plastic packing peanuts if any of those had arrived in the house, or a very cheap box of aldi own rice crispies. She would bury the people, scoop the stuff, then id just Chuck everything back in the box, put the lid on, gather up the blanket and empty it. Instant clean up.

I don't do messy plays at home. Leave that to nursery, sessions at the church and soft play.

Check your local soft plays they hold sessions/play groups etc

Church Hall toddler groups are a lifesaver for us.

At 18m my ds also loved going to the supermarket for the weekly shop (can you point at something green? Can you point at something red?). Folding (unfolding) and helping to hang out the washing. Taking all of the tins out of the kitchen cupboards. Sailing plastic takeaway trays in a bowl of warm water. Anything they can copy you doing.

Nothing instagrammable but all fun! Most of the photogenic stuff is much less fun than it looks!

The problem with big messy activities is they take ages to set up, child plays for 2 mins and then you've got ages to clean up. Honestly comparison is the thief of joy. You get out to a toddler group, go to the local park - it sounds like your doing a great job!
Letting them explore outside is a great sensory experience. Agree with pp if you want to do more at home I suggest water play in the bath 🙂

I also tried lentils once. It took about 6 months to get them all swept back up. Never again!!!

Most “people” dont do lots of messy complicated play at home, just the ones who “curate” their lives on Instagram. Honestly everyone else just goes to the park, kicks leaves, splashes in puddles, bashes plastic bowls with wooden spoons etc. Just do that, add in a bit of singing and dancing along to the radio etc. Your toddler will be just fine.

The problem with big messy activities is they take ages to set up, child plays for 2 mins and then you've got ages to clean up.

This is exactly what I feel!

My daughter would be amused for hours with measuring spoons, pots, rice and lentils.....my son not so much - he was just like what's the point?
However, home made play dough always went down really well and isn't too messy....make it with plain flour, salt, oil.and boiling water.....no need to cook it.
Day 1 activity....go to the shop to buy the bits.
Day 2 activity....make and play with it. Roll it out, cut it, add things to it....e.g food colouring, lentils, porridge para, glitter.

Then when finished throw it all away....(I does keep a few days if you want to- wrap it in clingfilm and stick in the fridge.

For books - go to the library.

Find one more playgroup you can go to and that will give him a whole load of other toys to play with.

Definitely try to sort your grass out....you will be really pleased you did as he gets older. You can pick up outdoor toys really cheap of Facebook market place. We had a slide/climber thing that wasn't too high but really was good when they were young. I think I paid about £25 second hand for it....I did just give it away in the end - but we'd had about 5 good years use from it.

You aren't rubbish. You are doing your best. And as someone else said....don't compare yourself to Pinterest.

Most of the photogenic stuff is much less fun than it looks!

I agree with this. I know someone who posts on social media about her child and all the WOW activities they do together. The set ups look amazing, and from her comments you would think the child was engaged for hours and had a fantastic time exploring.

The reality is very different. The child is placed carefully and several hundred photos are taken.The best one is then posted online and the amazing activity is tided away before the child can make a mess.

The child gets nothing out of it and would be much happier with some tins and spoons to make music. But from the outside it looks like she's an amazing mother who puts in so much effort for her child.

I could have written this when my kids were young, OP. Playing with toys bored me to tears.

They're teenagers now and to be honest you will wish that you had done so many things differently, including this, but the things that stand out to me as huge parenting mistakes are when I really lost my temper. That's all I really regret in a meaningful way.

I doubt my kids even know I don't like playing with toddlers. They have no recollection of that.

Just remember everything you see on social isn't exactly as it seems.

Books, teddies, songs, dancing, pots and
pans, going for a walk, watching the birds in the garden, toys, peekaboo, finding different colours and shapes around the house, counting, colouring books are all great for little ones and don't make a huge mess.

You're not a failure. I do t do messy play. I'm not spending ages to set it up then she's to clear up for 2 mins of play time.

My two got all that from nursery or preschool. Even though I'm a SAHP we still sent them for 2 days a week so I got a break and they got that experience.

I do lots of parks and playgrounds. Lockdown made that the only option really when my youngest was 18 months old.

My two were never fans of messy play activities anyway. We used to go to playgroup once a week and swimming once a week, and other than that it was the park most days! Seeing as I pretty much saw the same people at the park all the time, it seems like that was the normal
Thing to do!

My children are all adults but back in the day nobody did messy play at home certainly not for 18 months old. Saucepans and wooden spoons on the kitchen floor was about my limit. Social media has a lot to answer for

I volunteer at a church messy/sensory play group. It takes a group of us HOURS to set up and then clean away afterwards. Can’t believe anyone would do this stuff in their own homes. So much effort for a few mins of play time.
Pavement chalk is good. Or a brush and pot of water for outside. They like felt tips and crayons just as much as paint and it’s easier to clean up.

I have the same issue, just can’t face the mess for two minutes of occupied child. Instead, I made an activity basket of non-messy things (eg. Foil art, dotty art (where you put coloured stickers in a pattern - no mess), sticker books, felt art where you arrange bits of felt on a felt card in a scene, water painting book, a Melissa and Doug dinosaur stamp set, easy jigsaw puzzle, duplo bits etc, crafty bits like pompoms and pipe cleaners etc) and when he said he was bored or if he was playing up, I would suggest he pick sth out of the activity basket for us to do together. I think he enjoyed the control of being able to choose what he wanted from the basket and they were all things that could be used again and not messy. Maybe you could try one of those?

OP children have developed normally for thousands of years without all this kind of stuff. If you like doing it, that's great - I did - but I knew that it was also for me not just DD.

Imagine our great grandmothers rolling round the floor with bloody lentils! It really didn't happen until quite recently!