I don't do any fun activities with my toddler

[failing444]

He's 18 months and has lots of books and toys but is clearly bored of them. I just can't face doing messy play activities like painting or anything else - the thought of the huge mess (and the fact that he will probably get bored after about 5 minutes anyway) just makes me feel exhausted before I've even begun.

I feel bad that he's just stuck with his same old toys though and feel so guilty that I'm not giving him all these different sensory experiences that everyone else seems to. I look on Pinterest and there are so many people having the best time with their babies but we don't do anything like that. I'm so uninventive.

We do have a small garden but the lawn is quite long and cats and foxes use it as a toilet (!) so I'm reluctant for him to potter round on that.

We do go to the playground which he enjoys, but it's the same old thing every day.

I feel like such a crap mum and such a failure

"How do people have the energy to set up all these big, messy activities?"

Having moved in these circles a bit it takes a lot of mental energy that some of us just don't have to spare for it.

We had a "sensory" tray for a year that DD LOVED but otherwise... we dont do that much certainly not the Pinterest worthy stuff. I tried cornflour with her last night and she liked it dry but hated it wet so left to get something else to do. Wooden floors help because we can just sweep and move on and DD can do some of the clean up herself.

On the flip side we find it very very hard to just go out to the park or splash in puddles or go for a walk in the wood, this seems ideal to me but it's just not something we can easily do.

Oh yes and messy play alternatives we did:

Big box of teeny toys.
Paint brush, water and the fence.
Pavement chalk for the patio.
Build a sofa fort.
Cuddly toy puppet shows.
Saucepan musical games.
Roll of cheap lining wallpaper for painting on, and for rolling out and drawing roads for toy cars. Cut up kitchen Sponges instead of brushes for Painting.

I just remembered, my son had a little broom and mop iirc from argos. He loved them. And going for a walk with his toy buggy.
He kept ripping the cloth seat out he only liked the frame 😁

I think if you have a good sing and dance you will feel uplifted too.
Put some of your old favs on.

Do you still see the HV? Give her a ring, she might have some ideas for you/support.

Are you eating well, hydrated and getting enough sleep? These minor things have a massive effect on wellbeing.

M'y kids did most messy stuff outside (painting) or in the bath (body paints).

Mostly we did adventure walks with the dogs. Any bit of water outside was popular

Actually no I think about it big bold of water on the kitchen floor also v popular.

Bowl

Use natural yoghurt and different food colourings. Let him paint the bath, then it's a case of washing it off then he can wash off in a fresh bath with bubbles. My DD loved it at that age. Also you could get different pasta shapes/cheerios etc and let him stack them on a skewer in his high chair. Minimal mess. My DD used to like playing with bubbles by the kitchen sink, using plastic cups, bowls and spoons.

I have never once done messy play with my 2.5 year old. She's not overly interested even now, and certainly wasn't at 18 months.

Things we do when she's not at nursery:

• swimming
• toddler group
• soft play
• library
• park
• farm park
• going for a ride on the bus (anywhere!)
• supermarket (loves sitting in the trolley)

Toddlers can be repetitive creatures, it isn’t the most intellectually stimulating time for all mums. Your post doesn’t sound like you’re a bad mum at all, it sounds like you’re languishing because the days are all very similar. Do you work? Could you think about working/volunteering part time to exercise different skills for you? If you put your toddler in nursery they’ll do all the painting and messy stuff for you too.

I second the idea of looking on Facebook/gumtree for a slide, small climbing frame etc. we have one of those sandpit tables and my toddler will spend ages playing with that. He also loves ‘painting’ with water and a big paintbrush on the garden path.
I like giant pompoms for indoor sensory play, they can be scooped, sorted, hidden, squashed etc and they’re not really messy or hard to clear up. Play dough is pretty good too as long as you don’t have carpet, any bits that get dropped dry out and can be swept away.

According to my DM, one of my favourite things to do as a toddler was empty all the time out of the cupboards, she’d then wipe the cupboards clean and I’d enjoy putting the tins away again

I only do messy play occasionally at home in the summer where it can be outside. I think that's pretty normal! People who do it more than that are unusual IMO. And I didn't do painting until they can be trusted not to knock the water over.

I agree to look for groups and classes in your local area. Once you're going to a few regularly you'll start to see the same faces and can arrange one to one coffee meetings at each others' houses. Toddlers don't need a load of specific stimulating or varied activities, but it's nice for you to get out and have company and therefore that's nice for them as well. Churches often run playgroups and although they would like you to come to the church sessions, you don't have to. They might sing religious songs but usually the majority of the group is non-religious. Try joining local mum groups on Facebook as well.

Regular events like library storytime, or a quieter session at the local pool are nice to go to to give your week a bit of a rhythm. If you have any local museums that are free he might like wandering around there, or check if any of them do reduced price opening at a certain time. Any local attractions that offer a season ticket - nice Christmas present to ask for if any relatives ask what to get. (A paid for run of classes like sing and sign, tumble tots etc also good).

And alternate your playgrounds so it's not the same thing every time. Find one with ducks or squirrels to feed. Get some second hand wet weather gear and go puddle splashing, mud stomping or playing in snow when the weather allows it.

I wouldn't do painting at this age, but some art stuff can be really quick to set up and clear away. Collect leaves and use a pritt stick to stick them onto paper (then chuck in the green recycling before they crumble everywhere and make a mess). Get some cheap but chunky felt pens from the £1 shop, or pricier ones that are non-staining, and let him scribble away to a bit of paper taped onto the high chair tray, so he can't wreak havoc with the pens elsewhere. Aquadraw is another good one and would make a good Christmas present. Buy a load of cheap stickers and let him go to town (probably better from around 2). Or get a pack of coloured paper, rip/cut pieces out and stick with a pritt stick. It doesn't matter if the finished picture looks nice as he will have fun doing it and it's fine to just throw them away. I only keep a small selection of their drawings. Let him rip up a free newspaper or junk mail, then recycle the shredded bits.

If he's still in the stage where he will put everything in his mouth then just leave the arty things until he's a bit older. It really doesn't matter. :)

I’m a nana now and I don’t know what ‘messy play’ is.
With my grandchildren I do baking, painting, make and play with play dough. None of these make excessive mess.
Going to parks, collecting leaves and gluing and painting them is a good activity.
Just plan 1 thing each day, and take no notice of what you see on line, it’s a load of rubbish!!!

My son hated messy play at the groups in fact he only just tolerates anything messy now and he's 5. I'd of spent more time setting it up and cleaning up than engaging with him. At home my son used to love dens, playing in boxes, a little ball pool, those cheap tents and moving stuff around the room with a plastic wheelbarrow, towers with blocks, piling up tins from the cupboard, zooming him around on a toy car, trips anywhere on the train or bus. Then the usual soft play hell once per week, we did swimming too but my god that was stressful and neither of us enjoyed it but I still put us through it every week god knows why! I had the same worries as you.

There's various aspects to this:

• Do you think your child is missing out by not doing these things? If no, carry on as you are. If yes....
• Do you enjoy doing these things? If yes, great! If no...
• Can you outsource these activities to anyone else (nursery, playgroup, grandparents)? If yes, great! If no...
• Can you think of any ways to make doing these activities less painful/messy? Get a tuff tray? Turf your DS out in the garden to do painting in a waterproof suit? Wipe clean mat on the kitchen floor? Take some paints on your walk and do painting in the woods so no mess at home.

Children generally thrive on a range of activities and experiences which give them the chance to develop their fine motor skills, cognitive abilities and social skills. That doesn't mean you have to do lentil-pouring or messy play with spaghetti though. If your child is doing other stuff with you, they'll be fine.

I never mind dry messy play with a bag of cheap lentils but I cannot deal with loads of mess and cleaning up. Pompoms was a good alternative I found - loads of pouring and scooping but easy to tidy away.

I think 18 months is hard because they can do loads of things physically but don't have loads of sense or concentration. I found sofa cushion soft play or any sort of obstacle course was a good one for my active DS (good for rainy days when you need to burn off some energy). We'd go to a couple of playgroups a week, plus the library and go to different parks (or different bits of the same park) as well as doing the shopping, running errands etc. In the house it was loads of Duplo, balls and play kitchen mostly.

You're not crap. Find someone to hang out with, sort your garden out. Cut the grass and hang up CDs to scare cars and foxes up, clean up the poo asap or it encourages them to come back and do more.

Easy non messy things to do at home:
Get out saucepans and bang them with a spoon
Make a bed or den on floor with blankets, play peekaboo or wake up/asleep
Teddy bear picnic with a couple of cups
Bowl of water in the garden with something to stir it, pour it etc
Kick a ball around outside
Get a spray bottle and spray and wipe things
Sweep up with the dustpan and brush
Paint outside eg the fence with a wet old paintbrush, or use chalk
Get a toy pram and walk a teddy around
Get a disco light or turn lights down and have a daytime disco
Watch a snippet of telly eg nature programme, video of a sport like golf then act it out
Go out collecting leaves and conkers and play with them

Etc etc - I think you just need to discover the joy in it. It's easy to get in a rut.

About that age, Duplo or mega blocks start being fun too. Make staircases, towers, castles etc

Get out at least once a day, you'll feel better for it!

I only do 'messy play' if it serves a purpose for me. Normally that's making cake (which I can eat) or doing something like making Christmas cards for grandparents. Otherwise, it's why I send my DS to nursery.

And I agree with pp messy play is overrated and those social media posts are often extremely selective. It's fine to not be exhausting yourself with effort the whole time.

Some of the ideas on here are good tho I've never been into the ones with labelling, letters and numbers etc

fiveminutemum.com/

As well as the park, you can go to other places eg watch trains at the station, see ducks at the park, go to a supermarket or the library, walk round a residential area and look at the flowers, guess the colour of the next door, see if you can spot cats etc.

I also have an 18 month old who I don’t do messy play with very often. The thought of setting it up for my DD to play for 2 mins then to clean it up… 🤦🏼‍♀️

I also feel guilty about it. I tried to set up painting for her this morning, she loved it for a whole 2 minutes then it took me 20 minutes to clean up her and the mess so I know what you mean.

One activity that she has loved is I blend Cheerios to make sand (she puts everything in her mouth still so I don’t trust real sand).. I put it in her sand/water table and she loves it. Much easier to clean up than real sand too. I give her containers and spades so she can practice transferring it.

Thanks very much for all the ideas.

Our house is also small - we only have two rooms downstairs and there's limited space to put stuff. I wish we had more room.

@Vicky1989x do you have the sand/water table inside or out?

Messy play is too much hassle at that age, and repetition is really important at this age so playing with the same toys is good. You could pack some of them away and reintroduce now and again for variety. Any kind of water play is great you could let him 'paint' the wall of the house or the fence, with water and an old brush. My little one loved washing up plastic dishes or washing her toys at that age, kept her busy for a while and just a case if drying up the splashes, even better if you can do it outside. The park every day might be very samey for you, but your little one probably loves it.

Agree with popping him in the bath and lots of pouring and splashing. Also pop him up to the sink and give him some egg cups etc. Go to places where he can see trucks/buses trains etc. They love that. But really just let him off in the park to run and run as I will strengthen his legs and ire him out.Put some toys away for a week or two and then o them out as a big surprise and off he will go again
It's tough in the winter if you can't get out so do whatever it takes to get by. Curling up on the couch with a book is lovely.