I don't do any fun activities with my toddler

[failing444]

He's 18 months and has lots of books and toys but is clearly bored of them. I just can't face doing messy play activities like painting or anything else - the thought of the huge mess (and the fact that he will probably get bored after about 5 minutes anyway) just makes me feel exhausted before I've even begun.

I feel bad that he's just stuck with his same old toys though and feel so guilty that I'm not giving him all these different sensory experiences that everyone else seems to. I look on Pinterest and there are so many people having the best time with their babies but we don't do anything like that. I'm so uninventive.

We do have a small garden but the lawn is quite long and cats and foxes use it as a toilet (!) so I'm reluctant for him to potter round on that.

We do go to the playground which he enjoys, but it's the same old thing every day.

I feel like such a crap mum and such a failure

My SIL suggested I read The PlayHooray. It has loads of ideas on activities to do with your little one and its not all messy. There is a mix of activities, some take time to set up and others don't.

Do you have something you like doing that you toddler can do with you? E.g. I really like baking and cooking, and my son loves watching me and sometimes joins in and 'helps' (he's nearly 14 months old). I got him a learning tower so he can be at the kitchen counter watching and touching everything.

@failing444 inside! It’s just a small thing, barely takes any room (also have a small house).

KandyToys Sand and Water Table with Lid and Accessories - Kids Outdoor Play Garden Sandpit (Small) www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00WSW4SP6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_4STMRXX2828189SQJX9S?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Could you mow the lawn, clear it a bit and get some outside play stuff? Ime as long as its not raining young ones like being outdoors. Cats/foxes wont come if they smell you have been there.

Same with walks - my 19mo loves going for a 'walk' in the woods. He spends a lot of time looking a stones/leaves and pointing at dogs.

I also dont do messy play for the same reasons as you!

I agree messy play is a nightmare! I'm sure some do it because their kids love it but why on earth post all over Instagram if you're really doing it for your child. What I'm trying to say is, don't feel this is some kind of parenting must! It's nonsense. Nursery and playgroups, if and when he goes to these, will cover that stuff (&kids tend to be more engaged doing this stuff with other kids anyway). Park, walks round "big shops", looking at toys in the supermarket, library visits, soft play, colouring, stickers, cafe visits etc are all good activities ! My daughter isn't really interested in pushing lentils around
etc anyway. Relax and try to do both what you and your little one enjoy - otherwise it can feel like a chore instead of fun.

I’m an Early Years teacher (well was, I’m at home with DD with a bit of other freelance work at the moment but want to return to teaching next year), totally passionate and creative in the classroom with my various tuff spot set ups and messy play activities.

At home? Yeah not so much. We’ve done a tuff tray full of cooked spaghetti - she just sat and ate it until I was concerned about all the food colouring she was consuming and had to stop, did yoghurt and food colouring ‘paint’ in the bath - she just ate it. Did a tray of cornflour gloop - yep ate that too. Haven’t attempted play dough or real paint or anything like that because I already know the only ‘exploring’ she’ll be doing is with her mouth. She also likes to eat soil, sand, grass - etc etc. Plus like you say it’s an awful lot of set up and clear up for not much.

The times I have done it I’ve done it because I felt like I ‘should’ - because like you I follow loads of stuff on social media and I don’t know, I think I feel a bit funny about taking time out of work so I sometimes feel this pressure to justify it somehow by doing all this great mum stuff - and I think messy play and tuff spot tray set ups and all that crap has become a bit of a signal for ‘good parenting’ particularly on social media. But it’s silly really - it’s a relatively new thing to feel like you need to be doing all this specifically set up stuff, and it’s great if you can, want to and you and your DC enjoy it, but I’m sure it’s not necessary.

Have you got a wacky warehouse pub near you? They often have messy play or craft activities set up, and usually free entry.

Today we were going back to our car past a patch of grass covered in fallen leaves, because it was enclosed and safe I let her have a charge about on there, genuinely i think that’s the best time she’s had in ages and that includes all the stuff I pay for and anything I try to set up at home. I ran around with her saying ‘kick kick’ and she was copying me and honestly she got such a lot out of it and I had fun too and it kind of made me a bit sad that we probably don’t do much of that, because I’m too busy trying to think of all these things we ‘should’ be doing (based on stuff I’ve seen on social media probably) and generally just trying to get through the day. I’m going to make a point of trying to enjoy little moments with her like that as they come up and stop trying to engineer them so much.

For balance, she’s currently on her 3rd episode of Mr Tumble whilst I try and get some washing folded/ put away.

In the summer a big bucket of water and a little watering can entertained mine at that age for hours

I never did messy play at home. Loved the water painting books and mat.
I always believed that the best stimulation came from being outdoors. Is there a park with a duck pond or squirrels? Is there a farm you could go to? Or a forest? He can collect sticks, leaves and stones.
Or a beach to play with some sand.
He’s only 18 months so don’t worry, there’s plenty of time. You can try play doh and baking when he understands a bit better.

My advice is to get off Pinterest! Nothing on there works in real life!

When my dc were toddlers (and I had 2 under 2 at one point and it was hell) their sensory experiences were trips to Tesco and to my mum's. We never did messy play (or, at least, we didn't after one memorable episode where the mess was so epic I threw all the paint and related equipment out) and we read the same books over and over again. We occasionally managed the library but that was rare. They're 9 and 10 now and are absolutely fine.

Stop stressing, put the TV on and just let him explore the toys in front of him.

I honestly do think this is where toddler groups come into their own. I can’t be bothered with one toddler but with several it is somehow fun.

I barely do any ‘playing’ with DS (also 1.5) at all, let alone anything like messy play or elaborate sensory set ups. He’ll just about engage with a book or duplo, but generally he’s just not interested in toys. Screw spending ages setting up and cleaning away something that might get looked at for 5 minutes tops!

On days off with him, we are basically out the house save for lunch and nap time. I just find it easier and he’s a lot happier. Toddler groups, cafes, trips on trains or buses, parks, garden centres, libraries, soft play, the supermarket are all great. I find the days go far quicker and I don’t have to deal with a whingey, bored toddler!

It's a hard age, they just can't settle on an activity for long enough really can they? DD has been much better since she's turned two, she will spend a bit longer focussed on one thing or at least flit between two things now.

A few easy winners for variety that started coming into their own as DD got to that age were jigsaws, the water painting that PP mentioned (she would honestly do half an hour or more sat water painting and the ones they sell at Morrisons are reusable too (Galt? I think)), and weirdly the action nursery rhymes from the Cbeebies baby club which are on YouTube as a compilation, we could watch and do those two or three times a day at her request.

In my experience messy play is for the summer in the garden.

Try and get out each day, swimming, library, pet shop, cafe for a very quick snack! Garden centre are good to visit at this time of year

Why do t you book him into nursery a couple of days a week?

Great for interaction and lots of varied activities if it's not your bag

I'm my oldest hated getting dirty and messy play I did try but my 2 year old loves it - it's not that much effort I just have these big trays I fill with stuff but as he's getting older he's becoming less interested and likes crafting and drawing and sticking and colouring

Messy play for most children is just being outside.

I would try to sort out a little bit of the garden and get a sandpit.
Walks in the parks or woods.
Have a long bath in the day time.
Order a "garden tray" from Amazon - it's a 1m square plastic tray and will contain mess, you can use it inside or outside.
Play dough - so long as you do it in the kitchen at the table/high chair it's not very messy
Rotate toys - I would get out one thing at a time for instance put duplo in the garden tray, once they're done with that put it away and get cards out.

For painting - give him a cup of water and a paintbrush and let him paint the fence/patio/wall

I literally only know one mum that regularly does messy play in real life. I manage it about once every 6 months! It is a very underwhelming experience as you spend ages setting up for 5 minutes play.

Mine are much happier with a trip to the park, or even the supermarket!

If you are struggling to fill the days I'd suggest having an "outing" for every day.
So at least 2 playgroups a week, swimming, food shopping, visit a friend/relative for coffee, playpark, family day with DP when they have their day off etc. I usually try and go out in the morning then have the afternoon to stay in playing with toys and doing housework etc.

Definitely try and get your garden sorted too, it makes a massive difference if you can get them playing outside. Don't need expensive toys, just a ball, a basin and some cups for pouring water and you will have a happy toddler.

As pps have said, he's too little to be bothered for long enough, there's masses of ideas upthread.
Encourage touching of a range of things so he becomes used to different sensory experiences, wet/dry/slimy/crispy if you can.
Messy play is just a sensory play experience, anything you do contributes to that.
I used to have one cupboard in the kitchen that DD could play with while I cooked or cleaned. It had baking trays and Tupperware in it, so nothing that hurt or could be broken and she could explore to her heart's content. She properly got into messy about 2 1/2 and by then could actually play with something for more than 2 seconds so the effort v reward ratio improved somewhat.

I do absolutely loads of messy play because it's all my son enjoys - you can do it's relatively mess free.

I have a crafty pod pop-up (it collapses) we sit in it and do kinetic sand or dried chickpeas or other bits like threading pasta. I fold the mat with all the bits and funnel it into a howl, takes 2 mins to tidy up at which point I usually give me son a snack.

You don't have to do that stuff but just to say some stuff is messier than others you don't need to do slime!

Only a crazy parent does messy play at home!

I'm not crazy but my son is autistic and has very little interest in anything other than messy play so I do it every day. But as I said I'm in a pop up and there's no mess on the floor.

Yeah, Pinterest is not real life.

Lazy things that mine liked:
Aquadoodle (or Amazon knock off equivalent)
‘Cleaning’ the toys cars or dinosaurs. Little bowl of water, pastry brush, flannel. Kept them going for hours for some reason.
Rotating the toys a bit. So bring out a box for the day. Bit of a faff to organise at first, but easier to tidy up once you’ve got a one box in, one box out system.

Literally one ‘activity’ per day. I.e. getting a bus to a different park, singing session in a church hall, library, play date/park visit with friends, or whatever. That happens between like 10 and 12. That’s all you need. Get up, breakfast, play/CBeebies. Do your daily activity. Lunch, nap. Bit more play and CBeebies, then it’s practically time for tea and bath. Toddlers genuinely like a simple boring life. Try and make some friends so you can be boring together.

Then get them in nursery for a couple of days ASAP to do all the messy crap. Mine were in from age 1ish for childcare reasons, but from about 2 they really got a lot out of it and I would have sent them even if I wasn’t working.

Nameswaptime

I volunteer at a church messy/sensory play group. It takes a group of us HOURS to set up and then clean away afterwards. Can’t believe anyone would do this stuff in their own homes. So much effort for a few mins of play time. “

Mine are grown now ….. but thank you for giving your time. To some, it will make the most enormous, positive difference 💐