What it like having teenage sons/adult sons?

[Blueskies3]

I have two boys, 6 and 4.
I am worried that when they are teenagers they won't want anything to do with me,, won't talk/communicate and will be sex crazy....won't be able to enter their rooms etc.
What is it like?
How do you have a good relationship with your teenage/adult son? What tips can you give me?
Please feel free to reply if you have daughters too.

I have three teenage boys aged between 18-13. They're all different in personality, have their own interests and likes. They still play fight with each other, I just ignore or leave the room.

I'm very close to them all, they know they can talk to me about anything and we are open with each other. My eldest is taking me out at the weekend for something to eat for my birthday.

They do spend more time in their room than Id like, but that's standard for both teenage boys and girls.

@cheapskatemum
My sister cried when

1. finding out Ds 4 was on the way.
2. Cried even more when Ds4 turned into 2 😂😂

Mine is now 21 year old but we have a great relationship.

When he was a teenager we were very much involved in his sport and school life and always watched him train, play etc. Took interest in his friends but always had family time too. I would often take him for coffee or lunch so that we could have a good natter and really also for me to have the chats about coping at school and making sure he was coping mentally with his busy life and pressures. DH would do similar.
I think he really appreciates even now the interest we have taken in him and his sister's lives.

Of course we had our spats too but as per a previous poster...pick your battles.

My two sons are 16 and 20, we all get on really well, its just the three of us, we work as a team. They help me out with the DIY, car and heavy lifting, they can be really funny and kind. We all respect one another, eldest is very sociable has a girlfriend of three years works full time , constantly out and about,, youngest is abit quieter, very intelligent, has loads of interests, not quite into girls.yet, has an admirer in his part time job, they are open and tell me literally anything, l am beyond unshockable as worked at the CPS for 13 years and saw avery differnt side of life. They are loving and extremely lovable, they have the same group of friends since nursery , its been a priverledge watching them all grow up to be decent hard working young men, their parents did a fantastic job.
l personally find this forum very anti boys/men, rare to read positive threads, and such a shame all the gender disapointment involve baby boys.

My 14 year old boy is lovely - but so is his 16 year old sister; I hate that so many posters only seem to be able to be nice about sons by being horrible/ negative about daughters!

Teens are actually mostly lovely people - I used to be a secondary school teacher and most teens are nicer people than most secondary school senior management imo 🤣😱

You need boundaries and to try to tread the line between being authoritarian (my way or the highway, control for the sake of it, no discussion is obviously not ideal) and trying to be their friend or being completely laissez-faire and weak (also bad obviously). Nobody gets it right all the time but teens secretly like knowing that their parents are in charge and have certain expectations (politeness, pulling their weight, honestly, a certain level of effort with school work) whilst also knowing why (not "because I'm the boss and can take away your phone" but "because it's my job to help you reach your potential and have the best start, and to know that what you want isn't always what you need").

The trick is to keep communication open both ways while simultaneously keeping a few ground rules. I find it helps if the ground rules also apply to usas parents (everyone who is at home at mealtime sits together in the kitchen for the evening meal, nobody eats in their room, no phones in bedrooms overnight, no internet access after going to bed, everyone who is home helps unpack the big weekly shop, everyone takes turns at chores like bins and dishwasher because everyone lives in the house and contributes to making the mess/ rubbish/ eats the shopping).

My sons are 21 and 22. Both left home at 18 to live with their partners.

DS1 had his difficult year about 17 but is the most loving, generous and thoughtful man I could ever have wished him to be.

DS2 unfortunately has a relationship with an older partner who is controlling. She has managed to cut him off from me, then his brother and now his grandparents. We still love him madly but we don't know where he lives and he never replies to phone calls or texts.

But both sons are independent and I'm proud that I managed to raise them single handedly from when they were toddlers to the men they are now.

Teach them to change their beds, how the washing machine works, how to cook, wash up, how to clean and vacuum, to respect others, to be polite and hardworking and to always do their best. Can't go far wrong from there OP!

We have sons - a late teen and early 20s.

I’ll admit that they’ve been easy at every age. No stroppiness at all. They’re both very nice chaps and the best company. They cook and clean and are generally nice to have around.

Youngest is at uni, eldest is back home after uni and doing his master’s. The hardest thing is when the leave for uni. Heartbreaking.

My sons are lovely but obviously very different to when they were tiny.
DS1 is a bit monosyllabic and grumpy (but he has lots of interests and enthusiasm).
I try to knock on his door, and actually need to start knocking and waiting.
DS2 hasn't really changed much apart from liking his computer (gaming) too much.
I can still see my little boys in my teenagers!

My teen (14) is fab, if farty sometimes :)
He loves hugs, nice food, chats and laughing. He is a decent human and a caring person. He always, always, always aims to do the right thing.

He still enjoys all the other teen stuff like PlayStation/XBox and football.

Don't worry, put in the time, have chats (not the forced kind) and it will turn out ok,

My Ds is 13 so I'm just at the start of this...so far teenage years are pretty awful . He is a good boy deep down, never gets in trouble at school thank god...he's just so bloody rude to us at home all the time. We get occasional glimpses of him being a pleasant human being and he can be quite witty and good company!

I don't have boys but my 2 cousins were awful as kids. We genuinely thought they'd end up in jail as they were devils. They're now but early 20s and absolutely lovely. Really settled, good guys doing well for themselves.
I've always said if I had a son that turned out like them, I'd consider myself very lucky.

I have a 21 year old and 19 year old, and it’s fine. They do spend a lot of time in their room, but that’s par for the course for any teenager. They’re not sex mad.

I think the tips I have is that from early teens, if they want to talk to you, then listen. It may be about/the football scores, but be there for them.

My lad is 21 and there's v little difference in terms of communications between him and I as to between my DD1 and I....loving and they both ring for advice when they need it, but otherwise fine and dandy to be left to it. We have a family WhatsApp as well as individual ones so we regularly put jokes, clips etc on there and it's good to see everyone join in. I try not to put any pressure on them to see me and am instead there when they need. This seems to have worked so far...

Oh I have two boys (late teens/early twenties) and they are GORGEOUS!
Admittedly they're not the noisy smelly sporty type, but they make their fair share of mess and disruption.
The secret is to find things in common - for us it's tech (a bit for me, lots for DH), theatre/film, food, food and did I mention food? Also they are great in the outdoors, so good for hiking, biking, sailing and skiing.
They tower over me now and I love going out with them together as it's like having a personal security detail!
They've both had girlfriends but never obsessed with sex. They still cringe if a sex scene comes on TV when we're watching!
You'll be fine OP - enjoy them!

My boys are lovely

There was a phase about 15-17 when I found my eldest very difficult to like, but it passed, and it didn't change my love for him. He got a job waiting tables when he was 17. It taught him so much about how to be a nice person at a time when he was rebelling against us. He never got into any trouble, no drugs or anything like that. He was just a sarcastic, arrogant little toerag for a while. His friends were all nice and I never had any hesitation having them at our house (except one generally sweet guy who was only welcome if he was sober!)

My current 15yo is a head taller than me and hasn't yet got the hang of adult personal hygiene without reminders. Like his older dbs, he drapes himself all over me for hugs and kisses wherever he wants them, which isn't always when I want to give them, but hey-ho.

They all choose to introduce their girlfriends to me, help around the house, and can cook basic stuff. My eldest is really developing his cooking skills at uni, and frequently consults me or shows off his creations.

I've always respected their privacy, especially once they reached their teens. But, equally, I've always made sure to go into their rooms when they're in them, or sit with them on the sofa or at the table, and just check in with them. Every day.

They're smelly and noisy and hairy. Yet when I hug them I can still feel the soft little boys.

My boys and my girls are different, but I don't know whether it's a difference because of being different sexes, or because of being different people.

(Though TBH the smelliness, even after rediscovering shower gel and shampoo, is purely down to being male!)

I'm honestly amazed at those who get through the teenage years with no stroppiness....mine is literally like Kevin the teenager . The other day he was so rude and grumpy towards me it was almost like a comedy sketch...I actually just laughed...

They're smelly and noisy and hairy. Yet when I hug them I can still feel the soft little boys.

This may have made me cry a little bit - it’s so true! My little squishy baby boy is still there under the hair, muscles and BO!!

@Hoppinggreen

They're smelly and noisy and hairy. Yet when I hug them I can still feel the soft little boys.

This may have made me cry a little bit - it’s so true! My little squishy baby boy is still there under the hair, muscles and BO!!

Absolutely!

This is a lovely thread! I am 31wks pregnant with my first, a boy- I was a bit disappointed when we were told he was a he- I asked my DH is he knew any boys who were close to their mums- he said one and when I asked why, he said ‘she made us cakes!!!’ So that made me feel a bit hopeless!! O have 2 brothers who are useless with effort too. BUT my dad was very very close to his mother. They spoke every day and were like peas in a pod. They spent a lot of time together and had a beautiful relationship. Xox

Noo it’s way better than that, ime.

Easy teen here age 16

Ds is chatty, funny, clean, considerate and I wouldn't swap him for a dd for anything.

I've three sons, all in their mid to late 20s. They are fab, great fun, caring and loving. They seem to enjoy spending time with DH and me, which is nice. And they give the best hugs

Our sons are now 21, 19 and 15. They are all very different but nothing like your fears. They are all very clean and tidy. They can all cook for themselves, clean up after themselves etc. Only the 15 yrs old lives at home at the moment and i miss the older ones terribly. We chat every week on the phone and message in between. You have to listen to them and not dismiss their feelings no matter whether you agree with them or not. It can be difficult when they can't see their male privilege but you have to try and understand the difficulties and conflicts young men face with toxic masculinity etc.

@Hoesbeforebroes

Mine can be lazy, selfish, know-all, entitled pains in the arse sometimes that's for sure.

But they're not how you described. They're very gregarious and chatty, and are far more interested in their mates than the opposite sex. They'd never admit to it but they do definitely still need their mum.

16 and 17yo.

You’ve described my two teens there too.

I bloody love having boys - and actually I love having their sister too, but she’s a bit younger.

The eldest was a bit cross about stuff when he was 13 or so, but he grew out of that. The younger teen boy is a messy little sod but an absolute delight!

I had great relationships with male friends growing up and I’m delighted that my boys seem to be the same and have lovely mixed groups of friends.

My 2 sons are adults now. I go for lunch about once each week with one son who works shifts and so starts work at 2pm sometimes. I watch football with the other as both support same team. I also have 15 year old who is very sporty and DH and I drive him to cricket matches twice a week in summer and watch him play. We take a picnic and take turns to drive or to drink wine. I drive him to swimming and karate. I watch him swim as only 1 hour and 20 mins from home. In winter we drive 15 year old to 2 hour net session for cricket practice but DH and I drop off, go for meal, then collect. We still do a once a month movie night at home and all take turns to choose and I provide I've cream and popcorn. In summer all sons invite their friends around for BBQ in garden. I like the people they have become and I think they like us too.