New Baby & WFH. Is it do-able? Or am I kidding myself?

[expectinglittlebear]

Unfortunately my employer do not offer any enhanced maternity pay and therefore only offer SMP. I am due our first baby in January.

Due to finances, I am only able to take 8 weeks of maternity leave (6 weeks SMP and 2 weeks annual leave tagged on the end). Childcare is also extortionate (and also wouldn't want to leave my baby with anyone that young, bar family), so my employer have offered for me to WFH 4 days a week, and then my mum will be looking after baby the other day so I can go into the office (Husband works full time). I am very grateful for this opportunity to WFH around baby as we wouldn't be able to afford for me to be off work, or pay for childcare. So after my 8 weeks off, I will be back to working full time, while caring for our baby too.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gone back to working full time after a short maternity leave, working from home and caring for baby - is it doable or am I completely kidding myself thinking I can work around baby at home full time? For context, I am an office manager and PA, but my job is relatively easy and stress free. It would be the odd zoom call meeting, but other than that just mainly working from a laptop.

@idontlikealdi

You can't work from home with a baby, or toddler, or young child. It's explicitly written into most contracts.

I often see this on MN and I have never seen it in any employment contract. However, the principle is correct.

OP I had an easy baby but when he was napping so was I! I could see you being able to do a few hours a day when baby is a bit older and before you can use childcare, but at 8 weeks you may still be quite bruised and battered from the birth.

Whether you think you can afford it or not, I think you have to accept that you have to take months 3-6 off work. Can you add a bit to the mortgage to cover those months? I do wonder how women cope in the US!

It might be doable until around 1 year. After that, it will be tough because your baby won't nap so much.

The bit I'd be the most worried about is having full-time set hours and being stuck in the house with the baby.

I freelanced until my baby was around 8 months and wrote some research papers during that time. We had a reasonably good time because we used to pack up the buggy in the morning, I'd sling my laptop underneath and we'd go and explore a new park everyday or meet friends. When my baby napped, I'd pop into the nearest cafe with Internet access and log on and work. But that only worked because I had total flexibility and could work out of the house. I wouldn't want to keep a small baby inside in the same environment the whole time.

Also, I managed and it wasn't awful but I had no free time at all and was very tired.

OP it sounds like it will be difficult which I think you already know but no one can say it will be impossible or won't work!!

You will need to be mentally tough, so I suggest really focusing on your mental health, doing as much as you can during pregnancy to boost your mental resilience. How mentally strong you are could really help you on the most challenging days.

If it were me, I would also go back to employer and possibly suggest easing back into work (3 days a week for a month) so you're not at a complete financial loss but can also judge how difficult it will be at the time. Then if you feel you can handle a full 5 days, you can up your hours gradually. Rather than throwing yourself in the deep end and risk getting overwhelmed. Many women ease back into work after 12 months off on mat leave so it's not unheard of to want to reduce hours temporarily to manage both worlds.

Good luck OP, really rooting for you and wishing you all the best 💪

Sorry not a chance - my baby is 8 weeks old tomorrow (first baby) it’s just not possible I have a baby that practically sleeps all night too but from 9am-9pm it’s a full time job

I went back to work ft when dc1 was six weeks old, he went to a childminder. It was hard work, ds was fine though childminder enjoyed babies far more than I did anyway. I couldn't have worked and looked after a baby at the same time.

When I was on maternity leave I had about 30min work I needed to do. I took DD, who was a few weeks old, into the office one weekend. I couldn't actually do even 30 minutes of work! Crying, grizzling, moaning, demanding attention as they do... I had to call DH to come in and look after her while I did what I needed to do!

I'm going to get the bigger guns out here - this isn't really targeted at the OP but at some of the other posters here too.

It's not possible. Women in this country are entitled to 9 months Maternity Pay (depending on service) and 12 months of maternity leave because having a baby is a big responsibility and it is exhausting.

Let's not undermine this just because we can. Because we can log on at home now doesn't mean that we should. We should not be metaphorically strapping the baby to our back whilst we work.

As for the family that's cycled around the world with a new-born - that's completely their choice. They were clearly privileged enough to do it and could stop to attend to the babies' needs whenever necessary. I bet if the baby was seriously ill they would have been back to the UK or another developed country like a shot.

There is a reason that maternity pay can legally be more than paternity pay, or even shared parental pay for the second parent. That's because mothers need time to recover after the birth, and to care for their babies.

There are lots of things that have to change when a baby comes along. Like change job, change working hours, work opposing shifts to your partner, pay for childcare, become self-employed, go back into employment, find a way for family to help you, move house if you need to.

Working WHILST looking after a baby as an ongoing planned arrangement should not be an option unless in a dire emergency. But in most cases, you should in any case be senior enough to do it later, or junior enough not to do it at all.

@BigHuff

Bracing myself to be shouted down here, but. Why isn't it possible?

I have friends who went travelling in a van for a year with a newborn - they had a great time.
I used to follow the blog of a family who were touring the world by bike and living out of tents - the woman had a baby en route and they kept going (they also had two(?) older kids with them)
My old boss (based in US, so no mat leave) gave birth and was back at it 2 days later. She was on calls all day, sometimes at ridiculous hours. (I'm not saying this is healthy or aspirational, just that it is evidently doable.)
In plenty of places it is totally normal for a woman to strap her baby to her front or back and go about her usual business, including going to work a manual job.

It is probably not going to be a whole heap of fun. But I think you can do it.

Erm, a job and a holiday are... not the same. And I would bet you £100 that your old boss wasn't in sole charge of the baby, entirely alone in the house with your baby as OP will be.

@BigHuff

Bracing myself to be shouted down here, but. Why isn't it possible?

I have friends who went travelling in a van for a year with a newborn - they had a great time.
I used to follow the blog of a family who were touring the world by bike and living out of tents - the woman had a baby en route and they kept going (they also had two(?) older kids with them)
My old boss (based in US, so no mat leave) gave birth and was back at it 2 days later. She was on calls all day, sometimes at ridiculous hours. (I'm not saying this is healthy or aspirational, just that it is evidently doable.)
In plenty of places it is totally normal for a woman to strap her baby to her front or back and go about her usual business, including going to work a manual job.

It is probably not going to be a whole heap of fun. But I think you can do it.

2 days after I gave birth, me and my daughter were horribly ill in hospital. Would have been "totally normal" to strap my baby to my back and crack on, but unfortunately I was pretty tied up there! As are a lot of women. Are you a man?

If your baby is anything like my daughter then no chance. Very long feeds, then she was sick, then she was hungry again. No sleep. My parents had to come up to give me a few hours sleep. I didn’t work, my partner did, so most of it was left to me during the week. I couldn’t imagine throwing work into the equation would go down well. Especially for your mental health. It’s a big no.

@expectinglittlebear

Wow okay, I wasn't quite expecting that much of a response. Thank you I guess! Have any of you actually done this though, or just assuming you couldn't do both...? (I'm looking for anyone here who has actually done this and then either failed at it or its worked for them).

Yes my employer is aware I would be doing both, and actually suggested the idea as they couldn't offer me EMP.

@JewelleryBox Yes it would be 'full time' hours but still working around baby, so yes flexi hours I guess you would call it.

I had a baby in April. The first few weeks I was lucky to even have a shower or something to eat during the day while I was on my own. It's a little easier now but there is absolutely no way I could work from home and care for her at the same time.

He will be picking up everything in the evenings, he is more than capable of sharing the load, which he will do as I know he is going to be an amazing dad

I think I said something similar about my ex husband many years ago.

OP, nothing prepares a couple for the reality of having a baby. Obviously, I hope you are right - but if I were you, I would reserve judgement about absolutely everything. And I would definitely not be wfh with a small baby (been there, failed to do that).

Just another voice saying no way, sorry.

I did some work from when both my babies were 6 weeks, and occasionally took them with me. I'm talking a couple of hours a week, and doing lessons in people's houses where they didn't mind and in some cases were happy to hold the baby. It was still at times very stressful and I would end up teaching a 30 minute lesson across 45.
I actually don't think you will have a shock as such when the baby is born, if you are lucky to have an easy birth, no feeding issues and an easy newborn. The shock will come later when they leave the 4th trimester and need constant attention. My 2nd child at 5 months used to go from sitting to on his tummy within seconds of being put down and then wriggle and scream constantly as he couldn't crawl.

Not to mention, when you have a child, you are quickly feeling guilty for everything. Guilty you let them watch TV so you could drink a cup or something. Guilty you couldn't manage any housework. That you couldn't concentrate at work that day as your child didn't sleep. I cannot imagine what you would feel like after a few months of actually trying this. Don't.

Oh OP, I feel for you as you literally have no idea what it’ll be like when it’s your first. I think it was a reasonable question to ask. I’m a doctor and I remember saying I didn’t think I’d find a baby particularly tiring as I’m used to long shifts and nights without a break. Needless to say, I was completely and utterly wrong. The exhaustion from a newborn is like nothing else.

Anyway, as others have said, I’ve you have an incredibly easy newborn who sleeps 17h in a crib and is happy to be put down and feeds easily then it might be doable for a bit. My DS breastfed hourly, night and day. Would only nap when I was marching round outside with him in the sling and screamed the house down from 15:30pm everyday (colic). It would have been completely impossible, so you really are in the hands of the baby gods, somewhat.

I’d honestly say, it would be impossible with any baby beyond about 5 or 6 months. They need so much more stimulation then, you just wouldn’t have the hours in the day.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy x

Can you afford to hire a local teen to be a mother's helper in the afternoon after school for an hour or two? If you workload really is as light as you say and flexible then you could do more then and get most of your work done then.

I think unless you have a baby that sleeps really well (unlikely at that age) then unless you and your husband share the nights that you are not only going to be sleep deprived, you are going to be excessively sleep deprived.

Any chance you can reduce your hours so you can nap when the baby sleeps? Even if you could get an hour in the afternoon it might make a big difference.

I freelanced until my baby was around 8 months and wrote some research papers during that time. We had a reasonably good time because we used to pack up the buggy in the morning, I'd sling my laptop underneath and we'd go and explore a new park everyday or meet friends. When my baby napped, I'd pop into the nearest cafe with Internet access and log on and work. But that only worked because I had total flexibility and could work out of the house. I wouldn't want to keep a small baby inside in the same environment the whole time.

I did that a lot too, but it's pushing it to get a couple of hours in that way - you must either have then worked until midnight or done a lot less than full-time hours?

I think it's pretty clear that doing very, very part-time is possible with no set hours is possible. If OP can really only do 16 hours at times entirely of her choosing then I think she'll be fine, it's just so surprising that anyone would pay a full-time office manager/PA and then be fine with that.

[quote Twizbe]@BigHuff in the US they have childcare that will take them from a few days old. I know several American woman who have put their babies into nursery from a week old and returned at 2 weeks.

They cried a lot! [/quote]
She kept the baby at home with her (tbf, it is entirely probable that she had a nanny/grandparent move in to help. I have no idea.) Sometimes there was a bit of crying or shushing audible on the call.

I have the worlds most chilled out baby and this would still never work. I barely get 5 minutes to look at mumsnet, never mind do 7.5 hours work a day! Although he’s nearly always happy and chilled, he does need constant looking after. I can’t just plonk him in front of the telly and occasionally feed him, he’d get bored and needs interaction with me. Besides, I want to interact with him!

@Embroidery

BigHuff is a man and a great example of the type mentioned upthread.

The old 'Women have been giving birth in fields then getting on with the farming' crap has been around for decades. Ffs

They also miss out the 'and then they died' bit

I'm not a man...why would you assume that?

And I did say it wouldn't be easy, or fun, and that we shouldn't normalise or over-praise women going back to work soon after giving birth.

I’m expecting baby soon and have already been working from home for 5 years, can only take the 6 weeks maternity, my employers are taking a very lax approach in terms of my working hours and fitting them around baby so I’m sure all will be well and I’m sure it can be done and then I’ve arranged childcare from grandma for when they are more mobile (my preference so they can get out and about) 😁

I’ve already worked from home with an active toddler and tbh it was fine, some days were tough but mostly played and watched cocomelon, if you’re really struggling could a grandma come and sit with baby with you in the house? 😁 depends how strict you are with yourself and if you have a good sleeper or not but I wouldn’t say it’s impossible.

I've only read your posts. To be honest, if you genuinely have an incredibly light workload, then yes, I think it could be possible. I run my own business and while I massively reduced my work load when DC2 was born, I nonetheless couldn't stop completely. Admittedly, in my case, DH was around so I was more likely to work for a solid morning and then return vs what you're planning which is a bit of work here and there while the baby is sleeping or whatever.

The issue of course is that you don't know what kind of baby you will have. One who is awake constantly and crying will be very different to one who sleeps a lot. I do think it will be difficult, but if your employer is willing to be flexible on how quickly you respond to things, and if your DH is genuinely going to step up and take over the moment he walks through the door so that if necessary you can knock out a couple of solid hours in the evening, it might be possible. Albeit difficult.

Just to add - it's awful to hear that 'you can't imagine what having a newborn will be like', especially if you're a get-stuck-in kind of person.

But babies bring challenges that you probably have never faced before. Anyone (well with a few exceptions) can look after a baby for a day, or a couple of days.

But you start parenthood knackered and bruised
It's relentless
It's unpredictable
And even when things are going well, part of your attention is always directed towards your baby unless you know they are being well looked-after and you are somewhere else entirely

Also a baby will be the most relationship-changing experience you will have ever had to date most likely. Don't bank on anything until you get there.

Doing physical things with a baby in a sling is completely different from brain working. Especially at a computer. If your baby is looking at your face and getting nothing back because you are glazed over focusing on the screen, you aren't giving the baby what it needs to form neural connections. This isn't to say that a baby in a sling requires constant performative parenting and full beam attention, but there is something very important, emotional and social, going on when the baby is with you - and the other people you are with - which the baby can't engage with if you are engaging with online text. BAbies get fractious and difficult when their mothers try to do this, because they are lacking. BAbies are often relaxed in social situations and their mothers think "why can't he be like this when I am trying to get something done?" - and the reason is because she is socially aware of him at the same time as everyone else and he knows this and is getting what he needs. If you try to wfh, online office work, with a baby, she will scream as her development needs more from you and otehrs than that. You can get childcare to deliver that, or you can respond to her needs and be incredibly strung out trying to work instead of sleep around this.

Sorry op but there is no way you would be able to work and care for an 8 week old. You will be totally and utterly exhausted looking after your baby without having to work too.

I'd be very concerned about working in a FT job that can be done in 2 days, if there's that little to do, why are they employing the OP to work FT? Unless the workload is going to suddenly increase massively, it doesn't sound like a particularly well run or solvent company, which is perhaps why they've been so accommodating about the OP working from home and not arranging childcare...