NC for this as it feels a bit sensitive.
DD is 3, there's a play activity she goes to once a week that she's been going to for about a month now. At this group she's made a new friend who's the same age as her. He's a lovely boy and they get on really well together and are very affectionate with each other. However they both get really overexcited together as well and cause a bit of chaos.
They're probably going to end up at the same primary school together. On the whole DD is pretty well behaved, usual 3 yr old dramas but always get positive feedback from nursery that she's always on the go but is good and follows instructions. When DD is with her new friend she doesn't listen at all, he is suspected of having autism and/or adhd and will literally run around shouting and jumping and stomping which she joins in with. I am happy with her being friends with him, I think they clearly get on and it's good to know that not everyone is the same and people have different strengths and that it's good to have friends who you get on with,but I need to figure out how to explain to her that some of his behaviours it's not OK to do. She thinks well he's not getting in trouble so I can do it too, joins in and it escalates to them both being chaotic. There's a part of the group where they need to sit reasonably quietly for a story and they're really disruptive together.
DH thinks we need to distance her as he worrys her behaviour will change and she's obviously too young to understand that when he does it he's not being naughty but when she does she is. He thinks her being friends with him at school is a bad idea in the long run which I completely disagree with as they clearly like each others company, but I do see his point about her being easily led and his worry that she'll be perceived as 'naughty'
What do you think, is DH right? And how do explain to her that she's not allowed to run around shouting during quiet time but that he still does without making him sound 'different' to her.