I can't think of a title to put here but feel free to make up your own and then kick my ass

[ColdasIce]

Do you ever wish you could just get away from your kids?

I do

Yesterday i was racing dd1 upstairs (we say last one upstairs is a nana head ,at bedtime)
I was ahead so she pulled my legs and ended up sliding down the stairs just as i shouted "stop it you are going to fall"
She didn't fall just slid down.
She then told dp that i pushed her down the stairs
dd sometimes does this for effect but i was so
I shouted and went on and on about how if she says things like that to people mommy will be taken away.
I couldn't believe that she would say that

I am also a coward as i have namechanged.

Today i have shouted and mocked my dd1 before school and enroute to school over trivial things eg "You are a baby you do nothing to help" and on and on and on.
dd was going on a school trip so should have gone into school happy but i think she was just glad to get away from me.

Today i have also screamed in my toddlers face and sworn(called her a nasty bitch etc

All i seem to do is clean,cook,go to work(as do most moms i know)
as i am tidying and cleaning my toddler is walking through the bits i have just swept or
something similar.
I hoover the stairs and she is messing with the toilet brush and rubbing it round the bathroom.
I can't win.

I seem to see red mist and i can't get out of it.
I am lucky if i get to brush my hair let alone do anything else.Yet other moms seem well groomed and made up etc.

I fear that i will wake up in 30 years and realise that it is too late to enjoy my dc .

Don't know what else to say really only that i feel ashamed of myself and that i never thought that i would be such a bad mom.

You sound depressed coldasice. How old are your dds?

ok that is hard to read as I have a toddler and couldnt imagine talking to her like that

BU T

you sound depressed and stressed and knackered and taking it out on the kids which you nkow is wrong

please dont stress over the housework it is impossible to do with a toddler, mine loves to 'help' which does drive me demented sometimes

My dd's are young 7 and 2

Exactly Enid no other mother would talk to their child in that way.
When i first became a parent i never imagined i would have.

ok I have 7, 5 and 19 months

life as I know it is on hold for a year or so

we are lucky as we can afford a cleaner and I work three mornings a week (which isnt without its own problems but it does mean I have a break)

I do have depression for which i have tried most things.

90% of the time i am a normal balanced mom and feel fine but sometimes without warning i turn into this horrid parent.

look without going into it I can promise you I have said things I am not proud of

its when it becomes regular that you need to worry or try to change

My children will grow up hating me wont they?

I have only myself to blame i know.

they will grow up respecting you if you are honest with them and show them that you are trying to do better

notjustmom-I have tried them all,councelling on the nhs is a joke.

It is hard to descibe but i literally just snap .

you dont 'just snap' -t here is a build up, you need to becmoe aware of it and what helps you to relax to avoid it building up

thankyou jajas but i don't deserve any sympathy.

I have really struggled with my toddler tbh since she was born she has been such hard work.
I cannot stop from climbing on/over/ in everything,messing/breaking/destroying.
I have never dealt with a child like it before.
She is covered in bruises because she hurls herself off things etc.

notjustmom-My parents have the dd's once a week for half a day.During this time i am usually shopping for food and ironing etc or working anyway.
Have never really had babysitter.

Enid-I have a build up of stress over several things but i really do just have these outbursts from nowhere.

I am ashamed to say but the thought of hurling myself down the stairs flashed through my mind for a second ,and it was just a second.

Trouble is i always think i will change but never do.

Don't get me wrong if you were a fly on the wall in my house then 90% of the time you would see me being very loving,keeping my house spotless,cooking ,praising and cuddling my girls.

The other 10% is the problem.

I don't know how to change.

sounds like you need some help, and fast.

either yet another script for AD's or some proper councelling.

you are aware that you are not being nice to your kiddies and that is a brave thing to admit.

(I know of someone who does the same as you yet think it is ok, normal and blames the kiddies for any and all comments.....you are not alone in being mean, but that you know it is wrong is different IYGWIM)

first thing to do (In my opinion) would be to explain and apologize to your elder DD that you know you are being unfair, that somethime you can't help it but you really want to change, and that maybe she could help by when you both start 'losing it' maybe she could just say "time out mummy" and you both walk away from each other or both go to your bedrroms till you have calmed down again.

I know that at times I have been unreasonable to my own DC's and I followed my own advice which helped ENORMOUSLY. Not least as they could see that even as adult we still aren't perfect and that it is all a learning curve whatever your age. ALso did them good as they learnt that I could admit to being wrong occasionally and could also (and more importantly) could say sorry. taght them a good lesson and they all now know the importance of apologizing and do it without question now.

so yes, what you have done is wrong, but knowing that is good, apologing is great, and learning from it is the best thing you could possibly do for them and you.

good luck

I hope this helps...

Try to remember that these incidents, while ugly are still taking place in the wider context of your relationships with your dc. What I mean is, the odd shouty or even sweary time does not cancel out an otherwise loving relationship.

I agree with other posters that you need to be able to recognise what sets you off + then learn to adjust your responses, but please do not despair.

Coldasice - they will respect you if you are honest with them (over time, anyway). Dh suffers from chronic depression and has the same tendency to "snap" and suddenly go ballistic over something really trivial (which he might have laughed at the day before). But he is great at apologising afterwards and can see the issue is his, not the dds. They love and respect him very much and are not afraid to have a laugh and a joke with him despite his outbursts. Admittedly they are a bit older (9 and 10) but I also have two ds's and though very young they understand too.

The fact that you can "race" your dd up the stairs and make it a game shows you are still a good mum