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Parenting

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Original poster

I can't think of a title to put here but feel free to make up your own and then kick my ass

74 replies

ColdasIce · 11/12/2007 13:00

Do you ever wish you could just get away from your kids?

I do

Yesterday i was racing dd1 upstairs (we say last one upstairs is a nana head ,at bedtime)
I was ahead so she pulled my legs and ended up sliding down the stairs just as i shouted "stop it you are going to fall"
She didn't fall just slid down.
She then told dp that i pushed her down the stairs
dd sometimes does this for effect but i was so
I shouted and went on and on about how if she says things like that to people mommy will be taken away.
I couldn't believe that she would say that

I am also a coward as i have namechanged.

Today i have shouted and mocked my dd1 before school and enroute to school over trivial things eg "You are a baby you do nothing to help" and on and on and on.
dd was going on a school trip so should have gone into school happy but i think she was just glad to get away from me.

Today i have also screamed in my toddlers face and sworn(called her a nasty bitch etc

All i seem to do is clean,cook,go to work(as do most moms i know)
as i am tidying and cleaning my toddler is walking through the bits i have just swept or
something similar.
I hoover the stairs and she is messing with the toilet brush and rubbing it round the bathroom.
I can't win.

I seem to see red mist and i can't get out of it.
I am lucky if i get to brush my hair let alone do anything else.Yet other moms seem well groomed and made up etc.

I fear that i will wake up in 30 years and realise that it is too late to enjoy my dc .

Don't know what else to say really only that i feel ashamed of myself and that i never thought that i would be such a bad mom.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

barelymorethantwelvemonthgap · 11/12/2007 22:32

Has your GP ever suggested or have you ever asked about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT)? It could really help you deal with the "flash points". It's only patchily available on the NHS (according to NHS Direct), but it's worth asking about I think. It's more direct than vague "councelling". Identify when you're angry/ what makes you angry/ find ways to deal with it.

In the mean time, a Vitamin B complex supplement will boost the nervous system and may help to make you calmer.

If you can afford private CBT, then it's definitely worth thinking about. Otherwise, please push your GP for further help and say that your anger is almost getting the better of you. I'm worried that the guilt you feel after you've been angry with/ in front of the children will just cause you more grief and make you more angry.

Really hope you manage to work it out. It's a really big step to admit the things you have. Well done.

Original poster

ColdasIce · 11/12/2007 22:45

I had CBT also which wasn't long enough.

I haven't got the time to keep writing everything down all the time so have given the principles of it up.

OP posts:

Original poster

ColdasIce · 11/12/2007 23:05

Thanks to everyone for replying btw

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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Janni · 12/12/2007 00:41

Today I felt the way you describe - it's more common than you think. Children are SO exhausting - especially the way we raise them today, where we're responsible for everything, they can't go out on their own, there's little extended family and community ...no wonder many of us have days when we feel we're cracking up.

I know I should now come up with some ideas for you but right now I can't, I'll leave that to others. It DOES sound like you're really trying to do better and that counts for such a lot. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. I will try to be kind to myself tomorrow.

millie865 · 12/12/2007 09:47

Have you tried homestart?
A friend who had PND found them very helpful.

Go back to your GP and insist on more CBT - even if there is a waiting list, get on it now.

Don't worry about having a perfect house. I find it impossible to do much housework with a toddler - I just do the minimum during the day and then DH and I do anything else in the evening. And I don't iron. How much does your DP do around the house? Could he do more?

You're not a crap mum - you've recognised that you want to change the way you are with your children sometimes and that's a really important first step.

TinselGrrrlWith2Boys · 12/12/2007 14:35

i have similar problems with snapping and shouting. i bought 3 books recently:
365 Ideas to Keep Toddlers Busy, New Toddler Taming and Taking Control of Anger.

I'm half way through all 3, and already doing much better. a few times today i've handled situations much, much better than usual.

suzi2 · 12/12/2007 17:02

I know exactly where you're coming from. My two have me run ragged at the moment and I keep losing my cool (half expecting AF to arrive soon... first since DD). I have shouted at DS (2.4) A LOT lately, and actually smacked him on the bum for the first time yesterday. Not hard, but it was a gut reaction (he hurt the cat badly after a lot of telling off about pestering him!) and I'm stil ashamed.

All I feel I can do at the moment is to walk out of the room when I'm wound up, and to apologise to them when I've behaved badly.

Hope you find some of the suggestions on here useful.

Original poster

ColdasIce · 12/12/2007 22:04

Not feeling much better today tbh.

Shouted at dd2 again this morning but i didn't swear.I got all mithered(sp?)this morning when getting dd1 ready for school and when i couldn't do her zip up i nearly screamed.

Then i went to work and have been absolutely fine ,i have just finished work and now feel stressed again already as dp has annoyed me over something trivial.

Maybe i should just get a full time job working long hours ?

In answer to your question Millie865 dp does as much as he can
I really wouldn't want anyone from homestart to come in ,i would really feel useless then.

Thankyou to those of you that have posted today.

Have the day off tomorrow and i wish i was working as it will only be the same all over again.

OP posts:

jajas · 12/12/2007 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ColdasIce · 12/12/2007 22:46

Hi jajas ,no i haven't got SAD so i can't blame it on that.I suppose what you said is true about being in control at work.

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babycarrier · 12/12/2007 23:00

hi,
i get like that a lot my dp says im depressed and see gp cos im always shouting at the kids but when i talk i shout talk do you know what i mean so the kids dont listen when i tell them off 4 being naughty cos im always shouting i have done this since cant remember when but its hard to get out of the habit of shouting ive tried just talking calmly but it dont last long.
so am i bad parent i have 6th child on the way ( yes i here you say keep your legs closed) but i love kids so why do i shout all the time. thanks for listening or reading this.

SpawnChorus · 12/12/2007 23:07

ColdAsIce - just wanted to say that I often feel like you have described. DD (2.11) goes through phases of being intensely challenging, and I find it so so hard to keep my cool.

I've smacked her hand twice over the last couple of days (once when she jumped on 16 month old DS, and once when she was running away from me in the car while I standing in the middle of a busy road trying to get her in her carseat).

Then this afternoon she was goofing around and looked at me sternly and said 'give me your hand. I'm going to smack it.' I feel like such a turd. I have also had numerous moments recently of biting my tongue to stop myself from calling her a b*tch. I can imagine how bad you must feel about it.

You're not alone in finding it so hard.

Hope we all have better days tomorrow

Original poster

coldasIce · 12/12/2007 23:10

I know what you are saying babycarrier but generally i don't shout that much but i can understand that it is a difficult habit to break.
Wow 6th child i know i couldn't cope with 6.

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Original poster

coldasIce · 12/12/2007 23:12

Thanks Spawnchorus.

OP posts:

Pitchounette · 13/12/2007 10:04

Message withdrawn

Original poster

coldasIce · 13/12/2007 20:36

Thanks Pinchchounette

The book looks good ,i am interested in reading and always used to have a book on the go pre dc but either don't get time to read now or am too tired.So what are the chances of me reading all these books?

We were stuck in again today but i didn't feel as stressed but dd2 was still such hard work.She will not play ,she is only interested in destroying things and climbing and i mean constantly climbing .She will climb on anything and knows that she shouldn't do it when i ask her to get down she laughs.

OP posts:

coldtits · 13/12/2007 20:40

Then at a guess, she needs more exercise. Take her to the park and play fetch for 45 minutes.

I'm not joking, by the way. 'Fetch' has saved my bloody sanity on a few occasions. Run her until she is red, sweaty and panting, and doesn't want to run any more.

coldtits · 13/12/2007 20:41

You can do it in the garden, bythe way. (hoping you have one)

Original poster

coldasIce · 13/12/2007 20:56

I understand what you are saying coldtits and yes she probably is needing exercise some of the time but even when we do go out she is no different.She will walk etc but not very far before she is asking to be picked up,she won't even go downstairs on her own she just cries to be carried and she is so so heavy.
I will make an effort to take her out more though.

We don't go to anything really ,she used to go to toddlergroup but all she did was meddle when she was there and i got sick of people commenting on her appearance all the time so we stopped going.

OP posts:

coldtits · 13/12/2007 21:27

walking isn't fun for a toddler, ds1 used to moan about walking too. They find it boring. They love to run about though.

You need to take her to toddler group really, or something else - swimming? I bet she'd love that. She sounds bored - and bored children are wantonly destructive. Why do people comment on her appearance? And does it matter?

As for the crying to be carried downstairs, I'd just ignore it and count stairs with her. Or without her, if she's busy crying!

Pitchounette · 14/12/2007 13:15

Message withdrawn

Pitchounette · 14/12/2007 13:16

Message withdrawn

Original poster

ColdasIce · 15/12/2007 20:20

Thanks for replying again both.

I had been fine today went to town this morning then my parents took the girls at lunchtime until 5.I went Food shopping,vets,did big pile of ironing ,washed up,sorted pets out.
Then the dd's came home .................
and my mood instantly changed.
I cannot cope with dd2 hands up i admit defeat .

She has been out for 5 hours ,walking playing doing loads and she still is unruly

I don't think she does do it through boredom i don't know anything though.
I said something shitty again to dd1 too,i told her mummy was going to run away (yes i'm evil i know)

I am seriously considering getting full time work just to get away.

Sorry for ranting

OP posts:

Pitchounette · 16/12/2007 08:13

Message withdrawn

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