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Original poster

I can't think of a title to put here but feel free to make up your own and then kick my ass

74 replies

ColdasIce · 11/12/2007 13:00

Do you ever wish you could just get away from your kids?

I do

Yesterday i was racing dd1 upstairs (we say last one upstairs is a nana head ,at bedtime)
I was ahead so she pulled my legs and ended up sliding down the stairs just as i shouted "stop it you are going to fall"
She didn't fall just slid down.
She then told dp that i pushed her down the stairs
dd sometimes does this for effect but i was so
I shouted and went on and on about how if she says things like that to people mommy will be taken away.
I couldn't believe that she would say that

I am also a coward as i have namechanged.

Today i have shouted and mocked my dd1 before school and enroute to school over trivial things eg "You are a baby you do nothing to help" and on and on and on.
dd was going on a school trip so should have gone into school happy but i think she was just glad to get away from me.

Today i have also screamed in my toddlers face and sworn(called her a nasty bitch etc

All i seem to do is clean,cook,go to work(as do most moms i know)
as i am tidying and cleaning my toddler is walking through the bits i have just swept or
something similar.
I hoover the stairs and she is messing with the toilet brush and rubbing it round the bathroom.
I can't win.

I seem to see red mist and i can't get out of it.
I am lucky if i get to brush my hair let alone do anything else.Yet other moms seem well groomed and made up etc.

I fear that i will wake up in 30 years and realise that it is too late to enjoy my dc .

Don't know what else to say really only that i feel ashamed of myself and that i never thought that i would be such a bad mom.

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EniDeepMidwinter · 11/12/2007 13:35

"then 90% of the time you would see me being very loving,keeping my house spotless,cooking ,praising and cuddling my girls.
"

thats not normal either though! you are allowed to be shite you know

dotn try and be perfect then explode

just relax relax relax

EniDeepMidwinter · 11/12/2007 13:36

btw my 19 month old is a full on monster as well so you do have my sympathy

I put her in hre buggy when I need to tidy something

seh thinks she is going for a walk so sits quietly for about 15 mins

Original poster
ColdasIce · 11/12/2007 13:41

No way my dd would sit like that in the buggy enid.

I will appologise and try to do as suggested .

I hate the fact that i think i am fine but really i must be a complete headcase.

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ChristmasSendsMePsycho · 11/12/2007 13:42

another thing I do, when I know I am getting unreasonably stressed (normally pmt week) is warn all mine that I am irritable and am liable to say something I don't mean. They then know to listen when I am asking them to calm down making me less likely to snap, and also ignore me when I start to rant.....they also give me more hugs to which can help diffuse a situation.

it doesn't always work.....especially as the two elder DD's also get PMTish the same time as me [arghhhhh], but I say less horrid stuff now and it is much calmer 99% of the time these days.

another tip for me, if really not calming down -
I go into the kitchen, put some music on (loudly so I drown them out , pour a glass of wine and cook dinner using lots of veg that I can chop chop chop. I calm down and they benifit from a calmer giggly mummy during dinner.

Original poster
ColdasIce · 11/12/2007 13:48

I used to smoke which helped me to calm down but haven't for 3 years.

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ChristmasSendsMePsycho · 11/12/2007 13:48

ooooh.....I have also got a couple of very good friends that I can rant to, and they return the favour , which also helps.

the last time I got really really riled tho I went and sat in the car, and locked myself in!!! It was quiet, I took a book and chocolate, and they didn't bother me till I was ready to come in......calmer for it.

just to say tho......I wouldn't have done it unless mr psycho had been home cos otherwise the house when I returned would probably have been wrecked (and maybe the kiddies traumatised too)

Original poster
ColdasIce · 11/12/2007 13:51

My friends would never behave the way i do with their dc so i would be ashamed to admit my behaviour to them.

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Original poster
ColdasIce · 11/12/2007 13:56

What was the point of me having my dc i will never know?

I can't help thinking it,i feel like they are sucking the life from me.

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Original poster
ColdasIce · 11/12/2007 13:57

I think like that some days and then another day i think ooh i would love another one.

I really should be friggin locked up

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ChristmasSendsMePsycho · 11/12/2007 13:57

you don't have to tell them tho......just that you are wound up and need to rant until you calm down.

and besides, not one of us really truly know what goes on behind closed doors do we??? They may also do something they are as ashamed of, most of us normal mums do you know, none of us are perfect you know!!!

(well, I am, I just got given the wrong kiddies to carry on with said perfection!!!)

Tommy · 11/12/2007 14:03

no you shouldn't. It is bloody hard, this parenting thing.

My DS told his teacher that Daddy pushed him down the stairs when he'd been mucking around at the top and fell down them

The other mornning someone told me how lovely it was to see DS1 and 2 walking so nicely holding on to the pushchair walking to school - 5 minutes earlier I had been screaming like a fish wife at them because they wouldn't get ready.

I have found that book "How to talk to your kids so they will listen" or whatever it's called to be helpful in some situations - perhaps you could have alook at that.

Please don't call your daughter a b*h though

Original poster
ColdasIce · 11/12/2007 14:10

Will try and track down the book thanks .

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Original poster
ColdasIce · 11/12/2007 14:20

God here we go again,dd is up from her nap.

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Horsiemummy · 11/12/2007 14:39

crikey - cold as ice - i just wanna give you a hug. we have all been there, those who say they hevent are liars.
my health visitor said - leave the housework, after the first inch of dust you dont notice!! hang in there hun it will get better, they dont mean to drive you nuts.

ill be praying for you
keep smiling

SantasGotABigFatEllieG · 11/12/2007 14:57

coldasice - apologies I haven't read the whole thread just your OP. My heart really goes out to you - it sounds like you are really struggling and you need some help. Have you contacted your health visitor? I really think you need some help x I don't have any more construtive advice other than to say I have said done things in the past to DSD that regret and have worked hard to address my issues with depression and things are much improved, and my relationship with her is much better now. I hope it all works out for you and your LO's.

EffiePerine · 11/12/2007 15:13

Have been reading that oft-referred to book How to talk so kids will lsiten and listen so kids will talk - some good copuing strategies in there that I've been noting mentally. A couple of things that resonated with me:

  • labelling child as X and then treating them as X will make them behave like X - I have a tendency to think of DS as a stubborn, challenging child which can perpetuate the behaviour IYSWIM
  • writing a note can be a great alternative if tslking would make things worse - could you stick a notice up on the kitchen door or wherever when you're v stressed saying 'Tired and cross mummy, approach with caution' or similar?

I'd also recommend having a look at the book as it's full of good and honest advice.

EffiePerine · 11/12/2007 15:14

x-posted with Tommy . It is really good, though. And it has pictures

Original poster
ColdasIce · 11/12/2007 20:51

Thanks for the replies.

A few of you have said you think i am struggling,that is the thing though 90% of the time i am not.It is just these massive dips in mood that i have from time to time.Sometimes they don't happen for weeks other times a few each day.When i have these 'dips' i don't feel like curling up into a ball or anything like that i just feel for that instance.. Whoa stop .I probably don't make much sense but i am trying to express how i feel .

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Lizzy74 · 11/12/2007 21:38

ColdAsIce please don't think you can't speak to a GP about it - it sounds like someone needs to hear what you're going through. Good Luck x

Pitchounette · 11/12/2007 22:08

Message withdrawn

catinthehat · 11/12/2007 22:18

In a calm moment might be worth reminding DD that even when Mum is handing out a b~ll~cking she still loves you and will always love you. Sometimes they can get worried you don't love them any more when you shout at them.

Original poster
ColdasIce · 11/12/2007 22:18

Hi ,there is no point going to the GP about it,i have tried most ad's with no effect really and i don't want to block the real me out and rely on them anyway.Councelling etc i have also done which was ok but only set ammount of sessions offered,and i waited a long long time to be seen.

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Original poster
ColdasIce · 11/12/2007 22:19

I told dd that this afternoon and i appologised for my outburst.

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coldtits · 11/12/2007 22:28

ColdasIce

Sorry to be blunt, but if the real you is the one calling your toddler a bitch and telling your school child she's a baby, I think you should block her out for a while. And I don't speak from judgement, I speak from experience.

Take the antidepressants, get some more councelling, and try again, and again, and again. It will eventually click.

When you feel evil to your children, when you feel like if they just look at you wrong and they're going to get full force, go out. Go to a public place, and then social norms will stop you being awful.

Chin up. I had one of those toddlers - get a play pen, use the TV for the 30 minutes it takes to wash up and peel a few veg, and screw the houseworkl until they have gone to bed. You should not be trying to keep a spotless houe - that way lies misery for everyone.

tiggertoeeyorein5secs · 11/12/2007 22:29

Sometimes I get "red mist" rages. They come out of nowhere, but I do know what they are about. For me it is pent up frustration combined with sleep deprivation. I have a very helpful dp who does a lot for the family and looking after ds. And that's the point really. Although I only work part time, I have a long commute. I often feel I can't contribute to the little daily things of bringing up ds. I certainly can't make any constructive remarks because dp takes it the wrong way. So I bite my tongue and say nothing, until I blow up over something really trivial. It is always really out of proportion, and I am vocally very extreme.

It has been a long time since I directed any of these rages at ds, but I do remember a period when he was about 3 and I did this from time to time. Always when it was just the two of us. I always felt ashamed. I did make a point of apologising to ds and giving him big hugs. I would explain it away by telling him that sometimes I get tired and grumpy. I used to worry about what sort of message he was picking up from this behaviour of mine. I admit my rages are extreme, although thankfully infrequent.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent. All of us have our foibles. I think what helps is being able to develop a relationship with your children where you can be open and honest about feelings. Our son is really articulate in expressing himself and he is only 6.

What matters most is how you usually are with your children. This is what will be the nurturing part of their childhood. You might remember your outburst, but they will soon forget

Sorry this post became a bit long. I don't post very often and have still to get the hang of being short and sweet.