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Original poster

A weird one...nakedness

67 replies

again2020 · 27/10/2021 22:59

Sorry for odd thread title, didn't quite know what to call it.
This happened tonight: I was late from work and with it being half term had to pick DD up from MILs. There was no time for a bath unfortunately as it was 8pm by the time I got home. I usually bath every other day, but I thought we'll do it in the morning when I'm off, no big deal.
I got DD's pyjamas from upstairs and stook them downstairs and started to ask her to put them on. She took her bottom half off and I wiped her bottom before putting her PJs trousers on. She sat there on the sofa for a second and put her hand between her legs. I tried to coax her to put her PJ trousers on. Rinse and repeat.
At this point my partner started shouting saying she shouldn't be naked in front of him, that she stunk and it was disgusting that she was 'limr that's around him. DD got a bit upset, I took her upstairs to get her sorted then she fell asleep.
Row with my partner tonight saying I'm teaching her 'bad habits' and 'shouldn't be encouraging her to touch herself' and it's inappropriate now for her to get changed downstairs and should be in the bathroom from now 🙈
DD is 3.10, for context. FWIW, I definitely don't feel like I'm doing that, but I am pretty open minded about bodies/nakedness and don't want DD to have any issues. I certainly wouldn't want her to do that in front of anyone else but she was in her own home, at night time. I'm of the view that a little bit of touching is part of them growing up.
I hope I don't sound weird or a bad parent Confused
His partner over reacting, am I under reacting, or something else?

OP posts:
Original poster
again2020 · 27/10/2021 23:00

Sorry for the typos! Hope most of that made sense!

OP posts:
Trinxsy · 27/10/2021 23:03

Partner is definitely overreacting, she's still a baby! Kids do touch themselves, they're just exploring their bodies. They're very blasé about it at this age, DS does it constantly Hmm. She was in her own house, you shouldn't have had to switch rooms. If he's uncomfortable he can walk out the room.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 27/10/2021 23:05

Your partner is a complete dick. This is more of an overreaction. This is a man that told a 3 yo she stinks. This is a man that thinks female bodies, including a toddlers are dirty and wrong and should be out of view. Don't even get me started on her touching . He tried to make her her ashamed of her own body,in her own house in a very aggressive way. A 3 yo ffs.

How do you think he'll be when she starts puberty? Her periods? Being full teen/dating? What kind of image will she have of herself/her body by then?

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 27/10/2021 23:06

Is he her dad?

Monsterpumpkins · 27/10/2021 23:08

What is mil like about dd being naked? My mil was absolutely insistant my ds's could never be naked or they would get sexual feelings. Dh had massive hang ups about bodies.. I was in labour before he saw my bottom half naked.

Shock
Original poster
again2020 · 27/10/2021 23:08

Thanks for the replies, it's good to know I wasn't being inappropriate.
Yes, he's her dad.

OP posts:
Rainallnight · 27/10/2021 23:08

His reaction was really weird. He’s the one who’s taking an inappropriate view of a tiny child. You haven’t done anything wrong.

Is he her dad?

Rainallnight · 27/10/2021 23:09

Oh sorry, cross posted

HeyDuddy · 27/10/2021 23:10

Reading that gave me rage. What a vile human being. How dare he shame her for her body. She needs protecting from him.

catfunk · 27/10/2021 23:10

I'd tell him he's really fucking innapropriate for making it into a sexual thing.
I couldn't live with a man who said his own daughter stinks. He sounds vile.

BurntO · 27/10/2021 23:10

Your partner is a creep. This is a massive red flag. She is only 3. think about how this will progress as she gets older. Never shout or shame a child of that age for touching themselves. What is wrong with him? I’d want him as far away from my child as possible

Seeleyboo · 27/10/2021 23:11

Fucking hell. He is a nasty shit. He body shamed her. Told her she stinks. Made a normal touching process dirty. He is an utter wanker and i would LTB over that. I would want my daugher to grow with confidence not shame. Get rid of him. Misogynistic pig.

Original poster
again2020 · 27/10/2021 23:11

@Monsterpumpkins Wow, really!

MIL is quite laidback about it and thinks it's part of growing up. I would describe my partner as quite prudish but I'm not sure if he isn't really and it's just my perception ...as I'm a bit more the other way!

OP posts:
Strugglingtodomybest · 27/10/2021 23:13

Is this for real? He told her she stinks? Wtaf???

Sickoffamilydrama · 27/10/2021 23:13

Your DP is being dramatic, although I do have a friend who is extremely uncomfortable with child nudity.

I taught mine that they should not touch their privates in front of others. I've also been teaching the youngest about respecting privacy so knocking on his older sisters door. But that goes for his privacy to so I'd say do you want to get changed downstairs or have privacy and do it upstairs.
Your DD is probably old enough to start to have those conversations.
It's a good way to get them comfortable with asserting boundaries and bodily autonomy.

tedsletterofthelaw · 27/10/2021 23:14

Yeah so the fact he thinks a three year old being naked in front of him is inappropriate is a MASSIVE red flag for me.

A child's body is not inappropriate unless someone is looking at it that way.

Original poster
again2020 · 27/10/2021 23:14

Thanks everyone.
I'm glad I wasn't under reacting, it's a bit worrying how he acted Confused

OP posts:
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 27/10/2021 23:14

[quote again2020]@Monsterpumpkins Wow, really!

MIL is quite laidback about it and thinks it's part of growing up. I would describe my partner as quite prudish but I'm not sure if he isn't really and it's just my perception ...as I'm a bit more the other way![/quote]
There's prudish and then there's having a completely archaic and damaging view of bodies/female bodies.

Original poster
again2020 · 27/10/2021 23:15

@Sickoffamilydrama Really appreciate the reply, I will try this.

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 27/10/2021 23:15

He sounds unhinged. Telling her she stinks is really odd. Touching oneself at any age is completely appropriate! It's only the privacy element she needs to learn as she gets older.

DowntonCrabby · 27/10/2021 23:15

He sounds batshit OP, neither you or DD are the problem here. AT ALL! Flowers

Marelle · 27/10/2021 23:19

Wow that’s shocking. He’s shouted at a 3yo that she stinks and her nudity is disgusting. He’s obviously got some sort of psychological issues because a 3yo definitely doesn’t stink, he’s imagining it. That would be a dealbreaker for me I’m afraid, I’d dump him because nobody would talk to my child like that.

Sickoffamilydrama · 27/10/2021 23:19

Wow I missed the bit were he said she stinks that's totally unacceptable and weird.

foxgoosefinch · 27/10/2021 23:20

That reaction from him isn’t normal and is definitely an overreaction, sorry OP. A 3 y o is still a baby and doesn’t have an adult sense of propriety around her body - and shouldn’t be shamed for it either. 3 is still too young for an adult to even comment!

At 4+ you can gently tell DD in a neutral voice that that it’s absolutely fine to touch but to keep it to private time - also without implying her body is shameful or bad. (Also, you and your DP should also be using neutral and correct anatomical terms with her, eg. vulva, rather than any euphemisms that imply that her genitals are something for be coy or ashamed about.)

You need to have a good talk to your partner about his reaction and about child development. It’s really important to be neutral and non-shaming about her body.

TheCheeseBadge · 27/10/2021 23:23

If he can't see her naked, how does he deal with her personal care? Does he bath her/ help her with the loo/ get her dressed in the mornings? Or does he leave all of that to you?

What an awful reaction to have to a naked 3 year old.

My DS is the same age and would be naked all the time if we let him. The only rule we have about touching is that it needs to be in his bedroom or the bathroom, and we introduced that as part of the conversation about pants rules, consent and privacy.

But otherwise we're all around each other naked all the time, how else do they learn that bodies are all normal and nothing to be ashamed of?