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Original poster

A weird one...nakedness

67 replies

again2020 · 27/10/2021 22:59

Sorry for odd thread title, didn't quite know what to call it.
This happened tonight: I was late from work and with it being half term had to pick DD up from MILs. There was no time for a bath unfortunately as it was 8pm by the time I got home. I usually bath every other day, but I thought we'll do it in the morning when I'm off, no big deal.
I got DD's pyjamas from upstairs and stook them downstairs and started to ask her to put them on. She took her bottom half off and I wiped her bottom before putting her PJs trousers on. She sat there on the sofa for a second and put her hand between her legs. I tried to coax her to put her PJ trousers on. Rinse and repeat.
At this point my partner started shouting saying she shouldn't be naked in front of him, that she stunk and it was disgusting that she was 'limr that's around him. DD got a bit upset, I took her upstairs to get her sorted then she fell asleep.
Row with my partner tonight saying I'm teaching her 'bad habits' and 'shouldn't be encouraging her to touch herself' and it's inappropriate now for her to get changed downstairs and should be in the bathroom from now 🙈
DD is 3.10, for context. FWIW, I definitely don't feel like I'm doing that, but I am pretty open minded about bodies/nakedness and don't want DD to have any issues. I certainly wouldn't want her to do that in front of anyone else but she was in her own home, at night time. I'm of the view that a little bit of touching is part of them growing up.
I hope I don't sound weird or a bad parent Confused
His partner over reacting, am I under reacting, or something else?

OP posts:
Original poster
again2020 · 27/10/2021 23:25

@TheCheeseBadge I do the bathing and dressing/toilet stuff almost all the time.
I totally agree with you. I definitely don't want her growing up ashamed.

OP posts:
TheCheeseBadge · 27/10/2021 23:25

Sorry, I should clarify - the "naked if we let him comment" refers more to making sure he puts clothes on before he leaves the house or visitors come over, rather than us not allowing him to be naked!

lisaandalan · 27/10/2021 23:28

I think he's over reacting, but I do think children should be bathed everyday.
It would have only meant going to be 20 minutes or so later. Children definitely need bathing every day. They are busy all day and do not always wipe themselves properly.

lisaandalan · 27/10/2021 23:30

Maybe drop pjs off at mother in laws and ask would she mind bathing her and putting pjs on before you get there each night. X

alexdgr8 · 27/10/2021 23:43

but why were you undressing her downstairs and wiping her bottom on the sofa, in the living room.
that should be in the bathroom/toilet.
i don't think it's hygienic to be doing that downstairs; and it is rather off-putting for anyone else sitting in the living room.
it's part of training for children to know what is done/ not done in different rooms.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/10/2021 23:47

Your husband's reaction is very disturbing.

MrsTxx · 27/10/2021 23:53

If anyone spoke like that and upset my child I wouldn’t be in a relationship anymore. I’m not over reacting either you don’t call a 3 year old child smelly and the other things he said. He sounds like a right dick and he’s only going to get worse. Your child doesn’t deserve to live with a bully. Get rid, no second chances when it comes to children

Original poster
again2020 · 27/10/2021 23:56

@alexdgr8 It's only as we were pushed for time tonight. But yes that is a valid point and I'll be always doing it in the bathroom in future. Definitely after this anyway.

OP posts:
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 27/10/2021 23:58

@alexdgr8

but why were you undressing her downstairs and wiping her bottom on the sofa, in the living room. that should be in the bathroom/toilet. i don't think it's hygienic to be doing that downstairs; and it is rather off-putting for anyone else sitting in the living room. it's part of training for children to know what is done/ not done in different rooms.
Why not? And if you're put of by the sight of your child getting cleaned/changed no matter what room they're in, then you have issues. Which are not the child's fault, and they're for you to deal with.
mumsandtums46 · 28/10/2021 00:04

That is awful OP! Does he realise she was born naked and it's actually perfectly natural to be naked, especially at the age of 3! I've got some friends who let there kids just run round in underwear at times if that's what they want to do(all under 5)

TableFlowerss · 28/10/2021 00:08

@Monsterpumpkins

What is mil like about dd being naked? My mil was absolutely insistant my ds's could never be naked or they would get sexual feelings. Dh had massive hang ups about bodies.. I was in labour before he saw my bottom half naked.

Shock

Omg your mil sounds nuts 🥜 mind the pun 🤣
TheUndeadLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2021 00:11

She's 3. As soon as children are out of nappies they want to find out what's down there. As for getting dressed downstairs, DS 10 will still happily get dressed in front of immediate family, but no one else. It's not remotely sexual, and if your partner thinks it is, he's weird.

Clymene · 28/10/2021 00:15

She is a baby. There is nothing wrong with her being naked. Your partner telling her she stinks is abusive.

TheDaydreamBelievers · 28/10/2021 00:16

I agree with you OP and find his anger and calling her disgusting really worrying.

I always think private/personal/public is a good thing to teach - touching our own genitals is private, getting changed is personal (in front of v close people), wearing shorts is public < to give a brief example

TheUndeadLovelinessOfDemons · 28/10/2021 00:21

@lisaandalan

I think he's over reacting, but I do think children should be bathed everyday. It would have only meant going to be 20 minutes or so later. Children definitely need bathing every day. They are busy all day and do not always wipe themselves properly.
If we got home late, I'd put the DC to bed in their clothes if they were asleep.
GroggyLegs · 28/10/2021 00:23

Touching is normal, but personally I remind my children it's private, not to be done when others are around please.

Nakedness... If you can't run around nude in your own living room aged 3, when can you?! Mine love wandering about before bedtime starkers & they're older.

Massive & odd overreaction by her dad. Is he normally like this?

WonderfulYou · 28/10/2021 00:26

I'd tell him he's really fucking innapropriate for making it into a sexual thing.
I couldn't live with a man who said his own daughter stinks. He sounds vile.

I agree!!

I’m not one for jumping to LTB but this would have done it for me and I would have out DD to bed and told him I want him out the next day.

Even if he wasn’t her dad it would be a weird thing to say.

For context my male friend has a bath with his daughter most nights.
A child’s body is not sexual in any way regardless of whether they are fully clothed or naked. And being uncomfortable around your own child’s body is a massive red flag.

timeisnotaline · 28/10/2021 00:27

Children do not need bathing every day. Naked 3yos are adorable, and I wonder how your dh would cope with boys? Where you seem to have to shout constantly ‘no penis fights!!’ I suspect that would be more ok as it’s not girl bottoms. He needs to cut this shaming out, apologise to her for the stinky comment and tell her she smells beautiful.

Also it sounds like he’s not done enough bathing and nappy changing in his parenting life!!

WonderfulYou · 28/10/2021 00:28

I think he's over reacting, but I do think children should be bathed everyday.
It would have only meant going to be 20 minutes or so later. Children definitely need bathing every day. They are busy all day and do not always wipe themselves properly.

Children do not need bathing everyday.
But that’s irrelevant because I doubt he would have said anything more appropriate if she has been bathed.

GirlWithAGuitar · 28/10/2021 00:34

I’d get my child away from him now. Sick bastard.

Diplodocus2021 · 28/10/2021 00:37

Honestly this is one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever read on MN. I’m so sad for your child and honestly a little worried. Your DH reaction raises some serious red flags. I can’t believe he doesn’t even bath your dd and can’t be around her while she is naked, she’s a baby for god sake why is he looking at her naked body in a sexualised way and telling her she stinks is just awful. You need to have a serious talk with him and he needs some counselling at the very least, personally I’d be taking my dd and leaving.

RockinHorseShit · 28/10/2021 01:13

He's definitely over reacted & is frankly being bloody weird. Why on earth is he sexualising her behaviour. She's 3 Confused

november90 · 28/10/2021 04:51

I think your partners reaction is quite alarming and to actually shame her to the point where she's upset is just shocking! My 4 year old is a nightmare getting dressed after the bath when he's wet so we normally have a naked half an hour. If anyone said anything about him I honestly think I'd explode. So sorry you had to experience this op, you've done absolutely nothing wrong!!!!

Monsterpumpkins · 28/10/2021 08:22

I would be considering what his thoughts towards his dd actually were.
Sounds very odd

..

Strugglingtodomybest · 28/10/2021 08:46

lisaandalan

Maybe drop pjs off at mother in laws and ask would she mind bathing her and putting pjs on before you get there each night. X

I think maybe you've missed the point of this thread. OP is not looking for advice on how to stop her DH/P from calling her DD stinky, she's asking if his reaction was appropriate.