4.5 year old still having toileting accidents

[user1494238496]

I’m a single mummy and have 2 beautiful boys age 3 and 4.5. My 3 year old is fully toilet trained and has been since 2.4 months.
My reason for mentioning this is because I feel like I need to let you all know I’m totally useless which frankly how I feel today.

My beautiful 4.5 year old is still so far from being dry day and night. He happily wets himself and 💩. I’ve spent into the hundreds on gadgets, potty’s, watches, toys to make it fun, instant rewards and feel like I’ve ticked EVERY box. I’ve visited behaviour specials and paediatricians and no improvement.

Family keep saying ‘he will get there’ but it’s exhausting. It’s been almost 2 years and it doesn’t feel like that, it dominates each day and is mentally exhausting. He wears pull ups to school but as soon as he gets home and at the weekend I try and put him in pants.

Is there anyone else who has been through this and come out the other side? Any tips or things that I might have missed. I promise I’ve tried all the regular stuff!!! 😢

Not really, he will get there. Two children at DD’s school (she’s five) have had accidents. Some just take longer than others.
Have you tried rewards for going on the toilet or potty?

Oh god following for my 4.5yo boy. Have been to specialist hv and still the same.
We have him in pants but nursery are flagging it up. He’s going to p1 in august and I’m dreading it in case it’s still the same.

Like I said I’ve tried EVERYTHING. Nothing works. He has NEVER ever initiated going to the toilet by himself. It’s really not a case of the odd accident it’s constant

I wish I had some advice but I feel like we’ve also tried everything. Some days are better than others, but there seems to be no rhyme or reason for the “good days”. We had a bit of a run of success at nursery when they used a sticker chart but anything like that that we have tried just wears off and we’re back to square one.

You are 100% not useless and you are not alone. I’ve been at my wits end with it too (our 3.5yo is trained and generally reliable).
I beat myself up thinking I’d trained him too early etc etc etc
No advice but a handhold

This sounds really stressful. I know you've clearly sort help but has he been referred to the paediatric enuresis clinic? I believe referrals are normally accepted for age 5+ though so he may be just slightly too young. Did the paediatrician(s) think this was just delayed toilet training or longer term incontinence? Does he have any SEN?

Thank you so much for your message. He doesn’t have any SEN and is in fact thriving in
all other areas.
Trying to find the positives he does not seem in least bit bothered about it.
The paediatrician said ‘I think he needs a little training’ which frankly made me cry because honestly I try so hard and am an intelligent woman.
I will look up the enuresis route.
Thank you all for support xx

4.3yo DS similar issues. He is fine with pees (if prompted!) But no2 is another story....I do worry if he will be okay in August next year for starting school 🤷

I have never went back the way. He is still in pants but has a night time nappy which is bone dry when he wakes most mornings.

Needs continuous prompting at home and nursery. Will come home from nursery two or three times a week with pants and trousers for me to wash😬

It will get better. I have three older DS who are toilet trained. 6yo took around 18 months!!

You have my sympathies OP💐

Interested to know how your lo is doing OP as I am in the same boat except no pull-ups at school. He just comes back in changed clothes!

I will cry if someone says I need to try maybe stickers, rewards etc

Have you been in touch with ERIC, the kids’ continence charity?