Is co sleeping with a newborn a huge no?

[OtterAndDog]

Basically that ^

It's lovely to co-sleep with a newborn. Just make sure you are following all of the guidelines and have arranged the bed safely.

However, we found useful to also have a bedside crib that you can slide the baby into. Even if you don't use it all the time, it's useful to have a safe spot in which to leave the baby asleep whilst you have a shower, drink a cup coffee in bed etc. Also useful to have on occasions when you are aware that you are particularly tired, or have been tempted to have a glass of wine, and may therefore be less safe than usual.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

When my first was born in Germany, the nurses popped her into bed with on the postnatal ward. We just continued with it after that. Then repeated with second. (I actually had both with me for a while... toddler away from baby obviously.)

It was lovely not having to get out of bed for night time feeds.

They actually did this with me in a UK hospital as DD wouldn't settle. We didn't cosleep at home when she was tiny, but after about 4 months she would sleep in her own bed for part of the night then cosleep later when she became harder to settle. I breastfed her in bed lying on my side.

We slept in the bed with twins. I don't think you sleep soundly as a new mum anyway, and as long as you're not ill or have been drinking then part of you is always ready to wake up. I remember times when I breatstfed them in the night when I wasn't fully awake and dozed through it - it was lovely and meant they got fed without me having to fully wake. The downside was that when either DH or I was ill or wanted a glass of wine that it was impossible to get them to sleep in a cot. But think how it's done in tribal societies - ,the baby sleeps with the mother in a hammock at night and is strapped to her in the day. Similar with our ancient ancestors. I couldn't imagine shoving my babies in a separate room.

(Currently pregnant) I’m planning to co-sleep and breast feed baby. Will have a next to me crib on side of the bed baby will be

Baby was so tiny when we came home it felt scary to co sleep! We used a next2me for quite a few months and then co slept.

I slept with my 7 year old till he was 3.5/4

And my 5 year old till he was 1

Never had a issue.

I had my third child two weeks ago and I've co-slept since birth with all of mine. I absolutely love it, to me it's one of the most special parts of having a baby.

All three of my children have been wonderful sleepers (so far 🤞🏻) and I honestly think it's down to sleeping next to me from day one. Plus it's made breastfeeding them during the night so much easier.

I am thinking of doing this with my next but am a bit confused about how it's any different to using a next to me crib if you have to keep all your duvet well away from the baby? Aren't you still just sleeping next to them rather than with them IYSWIM?

It definitely is a HUUUUUUUGE no no. Trust me, I've seen the data. It's just not worth the risk

Even if you don't plan to co-sleep, I think everyone should know how to co-sleep safely before the baby arrives. Unplanned and uninformed co-sleeping on unsafe beds and sofas is the least safe option, and when you're desperate and sleep-deprived, you might not have the capacity to go and research safe sleeping. Learn about it before the baby arrives and make your sleep surface safe, because a huge percentage of babies do end up in bed with a parent, planned or not.

Personally, I am a big fan of co-sleeping and it has been a lovely experience for me and my DD and meant we both get plenty of sleep. I plan to do the same when DC2 arrives next year.

Absolutely! It’s the biological norm, babies need to be close to their parents for survival. Cots are a very modern invention in human history.

You do need to follow the safe sleep 7 and never fall asleep with a baby on the sofa or an armchair. Planned cosleeping is very safe. My DD slept next to me from birth and transferred to her own cot and room about 8 months old with no problem. DS is currently three months and sleeps next to me every night. It’s wonderful for cuddles, ease of feeding, soaking up the time together and better sleep.

Just to add context to a previous post saying their babies slept in their own room from birth - this is a serious SIDS risk as babies rely on the carbon dioxide breathed out by their parents to help regulate their breathing - they are also at greater risk of SIDS when sleeping in their own room as they don’t get roused into a lighter sleep by their parents and their parents are less alert to problems as they are in a different room.

Also the irony of wanting to sleep next to your husband but not realising your tiny baby needs to sleep close to the people responsible for keeping it alive!

I had a next to me attached to my side so sometimes baby slept on our bed and sometimes in the next to me. It's really helpful for in the night feeding. I never managed to side feed as I had to use nipple shields but it still meant no getting out of bed which was great

What's interesting is that Japan has a very high rate of co-sleeping and an extremely low rate of SIDs, which suggests that the issue is not with safe co-sleeping but with accidental co-sleeping (falling asleep sitting up on sofas and beds with baby on you - this is incredibly dangerous because baby could end up at an angle where their airway is compromised) or co-sleeping when impaired through drink and drugs.

When we were in hospital, DH was sitting holding DD and it was a bit of a funny angle and she suddenly went grey. Thankfully both I and the midwife noticed and grabbed her and she immediately pinked back up, but it was exactly the kind of position that someone would be in if they fell asleep sitting up with their baby in their arms. It made me realise then how incredibly dangerous that would be and I made sure that I was always in a safe sleep position when I felt tired.

You don’t need to breastfeed to cosleep. It’s wonderful and great for bonding

@Xiomara22

You don’t need to breastfeed to cosleep. It’s wonderful and great for bonding

With a newborn you do. The safe 7 exists for a reason. A breastfeeding mum sleeps differently to one who’s not. The baby needs to be next to her mum, not her other parent.

I still bedshare with my 21m old. We've done this since he was about 2 weeks old, I was so exhausted I fell asleep lying down feeding him (followed safe seven guidelines without realising/by instinct) and it worked so well that I looked into it more and read up on the guidelines. it has been amazing, he feeds to sleep in no time, loves bedtime, we have loads of snuggly cuddles. my husband has slept in another bed all of this time and although I miss sleeping next to him, I wouldnt say it affects our relationship particularly negatively. maybe its even positive, we might keep separate rooms for good 😂

when DS was about 4m we put the mattress on the floor. when he was about 12m, we got him a king size mattress for a floorbed in his own room and we moved in there. I used to stay with him from bedtime onwards as DH has early nights so I don't miss out on time with him anyway, but now I get back up and potter round for a few hours.

bedtimes and nighttime have always been really relaxed. yes there's been hard times during regressions or illness, but bedsharing makes it easier than it might otherwise have been but overall its been good. we've never had to settle a screaming baby, try to put him down over and over, drive around for ages to get him to sleep, etc. just lay down, boob out, off he goes to sleep.

I formula fed - not through choice and also ended up co-sleeping again not through choice. DD would not be put down in the first weeks and indeed months of her life, we tried sitting up staying awake holding her in shifts all night but eventually something had to give and so we researched how to do it as safely as possible and went with that.

Some of the reasons they say it is for breastfeeding mothers is that they apparently naturally position their babies lower down at breast level which is safer - I did this anyway. Also breastfeeding magically makes you more in synch with baby somehow - I was anxious about that but i found that I woke if she so much as fluttered her eyelashes, always found that I woke a few seconds before she did and honestly just never moved all night (killer on the back though!) Another reason is that breastfed babies are apparently more rousable during certain phases of sleep which reduces their SIDs risk. Nothing I could do about that unfortunately.

Overall it was the only way for any of us to get enough sleep to function and ended up being a very positive experience for us, I really struggled with pnd from not being able to breastfeed and co-sleeping was in some way helpful there, that closeness and bonding. The lullaby trust do not say that you HAVE to be breastfeeding either.

My DH slept elsewhere, we tried it with him on the other side of me but I just found it too overwhelming somehow.

DD is 15 months and still only contact naps (if contact isn't an option she must won't nap) and I invariably ends up in with me at some point through the night though is in her cot for most of the time now. Ive spent time with relatives and their new baby recently and was genuinely open mouthed in amazement that they would just pop baby awake in the moses basket or pram and she'd lie there quite happily or drift off to sleep. I think that what I'd fondly imagined when pregnant but my own dd was having absolutely none of it.

Slept with ALL TNREE of mine but the BIG. important do do is GET A SHPER KINGSIZED BED !!!

IN the countries where this is the norm .. the mattresses start at HUGE and a carry on for miles. !!!

In Malaysia it is ABSOLUTELY normal to sleep with your child in one room until 7 or 8...Et them leave when they are ready ... meanwhile get inventive with your DH ... (keeps the spark !)

I co slept from birth and formula fed.

@OtterAndDog you are certainly further forward than I was at that stage. I bought a moses basket, the first night at home was spent with a b feeding baby stuck to me and feeding ALL night and me struggling to stay awake. The next night I kept trying to put him in the moses basket to no avail. It was actually a n feeding support worker (god bless her soul) who suggested I ignore HV advice and just lie baby on bed with me. I did for first three months with both of mine and they're still alive to tell the tale. OH was sent to sleep on the settee

I formula fed and co-slept with both of mine. I always slept lightly enough to be aware of the baby beside me.

I loved it, DH loved it, the babies were happy to be cuddled and we all got a decent night's sleep.

I'd do it again in a heartbeat but one's grown-up and the other's a teenager.

This is a tricky one op. I struggle to keep my 19 mo out of our bed now. Hes got a cot in his own room which I put him in every night but 1 night this week hes stayed in it the rest hes ended up with us. While I love the bond I'd prefer my bed back now. Also when he was 5 weeks old I woke up with my back to him! That scared the shit out of me if forgot to put him in his next to me crib/fell asleep before I could so lucky I didn't roll on him! If you can help it I wouldn't but its sometimes hard not to as you need sleep

Fascinated by this - why can’t you co-sleep and formula feed? Also, do you have a duvet on the bed when you do this, or are you very cold? I feel like I couldn’t sleep without a duvet.

I co slept with both my kids. First baby went in a Moses basket initially but really hated it and wanted the closeness/access to mummy and milk. I kicked DH out to a spare bed and me and baby had our double I removed the duvet completwly, used fitted sheets, and slept in warm clothes so I wouldn't be cold at night. There are good positions to sleep in to avoid rolling on the baby, you can research that.

My first baby snored so at 3.5 months I tried her in a cot in her nursery and she was happier there.

With 2nd baby I had a bedside crib but he had reflux and struggled to lie flat on his back so we end up co sleeping again. He stayed in my bed until 2.5 years old!

When you EBF co sleeping helps you get more sleep, I found. But in the longer run it can be absolutely shattering co sleeping as babies and toddlers don't sleep well and tend to wriggle and you are never really relaxed with them in bed. If you find it hard work, try and transition to cot sooner rather than later.

We did it just to get some sleep, we put a memory foam firm pillow long ways between our pillows for ds & covered him with a blanket, he was high enough up the bed so he didn't get covered by the duvet, if he needed feeding we had bottles made up in a cool bag that just needed a couple of minutes in the warmer to take the chill off them, by the time we had done a nappy change the bottle was warm enough.