Is co sleeping with a newborn a huge no?

[OtterAndDog]

Basically that ^

I used the next 2 me. I'd recommend that in your situation. I'd never, ever have them in the middle of us, not till the age of about two.

In the next to me I could put out a hand and touch her, but because it was a separate mattress it didn't move every time I did and wake her. Plus it meant DH could be there.

From about 5/6 months I did co-sleep in the bed but minus DH, and a duvet, and I was exclusively breastfeeding and followed all the safe sleep guildance. So it was actually pretty uncomfortable for me as I was unused to sleeping with no blanket, but it was the only way she'd sleep at that point and she was past the 4 months. I've done a lot of research: cultures where co-sleeping is the norm a LOT of other things are also different, down to the type and firmness of mattress used, the fact its usually on the floor. So if you're going to do it, do it safely: google La Leche League. I would not have done it if formulafeeding, and tbh I found the next 2 me the best possible compromise when she was a newborn.

It’s a huge yes loved it!

When my first was born in Germany, the nurses popped her into bed with on the postnatal ward. We just continued with it after that. Then repeated with second. (I actually had both with me for a while... toddler away from baby obviously.)

It was lovely not having to get out of bed for night time feeds.

@OtterAndDog

Thank you for your replies ladies. Those of who you co-slept with your newborn - did you also share a bed with your partner? If so, where did baby go - in between you both?

No, I actually needed the bed to myself to do it. I would position myself slightly lower than Baby so if I pulled the covers up over me while in a deep sleep, they’d never go over baby. The space of a double bed made it all so easy.

I co-slept with both of mine - dc1 from 8 weeks and dc2 as soon as I could lie on my side comfortably after a c section. With dc1 dh stayed in the bed - we have a super king and we also had a next to me so there was loads of space. As pp have said, the baby goes on your side, not between you. With dc2 I had the bed to myself anyway as we didn't want toddler dc to climb in with us and possibly hurt the baby so dh went into the spare room where 2yo could join him if wanted (although by then he was in his own room and bed and he didn't actually go to dh very often at all). My biggest recommendation for Co sleeping is a warm, zip down onesie- very comfy, easy to bf and no need to have any blankets on the bed at all if you put the baby in a sleeping bag.

I wouldn't but that only because I was utterly exhausted one night and feel asleep whilst breast feeding with the baby on me and she slid off and was hanging off the bed at a few days old and that really scared me as I didnt feel her rolling down me, so was worried that I might roll on her and not feel her under me. So we bought a chicco next to me crib and it was excellent. I felt must safer with her in there.

I tried it and hated it. I never felt safe. I was also freezing and uncomfortable with no pillows, blankets. I’d wake up panicking about where dd was - she was never in exactly the same place I’d left her. I got a crib right next to the bed so she was right next to me but in her own space.

Currently co-sleeping with my 5 week old... wasnt planned but he refused to go in the crib.. i then bought a next to me crib which has housed nothing but the TV remotes.

My partner tends to start off in bed with us.. there is just enough room in the (King sized) bed.. but ends up in the spare room when baby wakes up for feed.

I'm still nervous about co-sleeping and think I would prefer him in his crib... but he has other ideas and ultimately I decided it was safer than being so sleep deprived that I was falling asleep holding/feeding him.

As per PP read the guidelines on lullaby trust as to safe co-sleeping rules and prepare yourself for disparaging comments from the midwives.

PS... it is actually lovely lying in bed looking into your baby sleeping face... all the crying is forgiven at that moment.

Good luck!

I’ve coslept with all 4 of my children from birth, the youngest 3 never even had a cot 😬

For breastfeeding mothers (non smoker/drinkers) it is usually ok (as long as you follow all the safety precautions and I would not have dh in the bed too or another child). But definitley not if you are formula feeding.

I coslept and my partner stayed in the bed too. He's a light sleeper and doesn't move around much so i didn't see any issue. He would get up to do the nappy changes.
I'd discuss it with your partner- trust your instincts.

As long as you do it safely and baby is full term and not of low birth rates then it’s fine. I bed shared from night 2 with DD2 and I was still in hospital. I couldn’t do it the first night because I had had a GA.

@Medex

I wouldn't but that only because I was utterly exhausted one night and feel asleep whilst breast feeding with the baby on me and she slid off and was hanging off the bed at a few days old and that really scared me as I didnt feel her rolling down me, so was worried that I might roll on her and not feel her under me. So we bought a chicco next to me crib and it was excellent. I felt must safer with her in there.

This is one of the reasons cosleeping is safe with bf babies if you feed while laying down and fall asleep then the baby is not dropped.

Gosh I breastfed and no way would I sleep with my baby, not if I wanted any sleep myself as I'd be terrified of rolling on him or him falling out of the bed and besides I wanted to sleep with my husband! In fact my kids slept in their own rooms from the first day (recommendations are just that - a recommendation, not a law).
Do what you feel is right and take precautions.

We did it with all of our children and we loved it also they slept better so we did too.

@OtterAndDog

Thank you for your replies ladies. Those of who you co-slept with your newborn - did you also share a bed with your partner? If so, where did baby go - in between you both?

Your baby shouldn’t be between you until 12 months. Bed guards can’t be used until 18 months. People use cosleeping cribs as a safe buffer, place to keep snacks. Floor beds are also popular.

Did for the first couple of weeks and then managed to get her in the Moses basket. I hate cosleeping (I've done it with my older one too) but it was a needs must rather than any need to be near my baby. DH slept in the spare room, lucky devil.

I did it from night 2 (night 1 was in hospital). Worked perfectly for us. DS is 6yo and still in my bed most nights - which I love. In the early days, night feeds were so easy for both of us (bf) - either of us hardly woke.

@User527294627

As long as you’re following the safe sleep rules it’s fine.

That means:

You’re breastfeeding
You & your partner don’t smoke
You won’t bedshare after drinking or taking drugs
No pillows or blankets anywhere near the baby
Your baby isn’t premature or of low birth weight
There’s nowhere for the baby to get trapped between mattress and headboard / mattress and wall etc
No pets on the bed

This 👍 Co slept with both of mine. Wouldn't get any sleep at all due to breastfeeding/comfort feeding. Problem now is I can't get the 11 month old out 🙈

The first night in the hospital I slept with her all night because I wanted to be close to her. After that she went in her cot because I bottle fed but I was also scared of rolling over on top of her.

@Fallagain yes I get that. It just scared me that I was in such a deep sleep I didnt feel anything and was worried that I wouldn't feel anything if I rolled on to her.

Obviously millions of women since time started have co - slept and have been perfectly fine.

For me the next to me crib which attached to the side of the bed was a good compromise

I didn’t want to bedshare but we tried everything with our LO and there was no way he was sleeping in a cot. We even spent the first few days on rotation staying awake holding him which seems ridiculous now! We have bedshared ever since and we all get more sleep, I sleep on my side and he sleeps inside the ‘C’ shape I create which prevents you rolling, no blankets and I have a pillow placed so it’s nowhere near him. His redundant next to me cot just acts as an extra barrier. His dad shared with us for a while on the other side of me but now sleeps in the spare room as he’s disturbed less!

I co sleep most of the time with my newborn. A bit less now than when she was first born when I co slept 90% of the time because she wouldn't allow us to put her in her next to me crib at all. Now she allows us to put her in her next to me for a few stretches at night so she is only co sleeping for some periods but normally always from about 5am until she's up for the day about 8am.

In terms of where she sleeps I feed her on my side with her lying on her side too so she is either on my right or my left depending on which boob she has fed from. I sometimes Chuck DH out or have him in the bed as long as there is enough space between him and baby girl. Whilst I love sleeping next to her I don't love what it means for me- no covers apart from on my lower legs, pillow out of the way to one side, me normally contorted round her in a protective shape! I adore waking up and seeing her little body lying sleeping next to mine though. And she sleeps well next to me. She seems to be much more attached to me than my first who I don't remember being quite so comforted by me and my presence.

I did, because I had to, my baby just cried and cried most of the time if I tried to get him to sleep in his crib, he only wanted to sleep snuggled with me, which is completely normal. Some people are lucky and have babies that will happily sleep in a crib from day one, but I wasn't one of those people. My baby is 7 months now, I now realise how many other mothers actually do it and how biologically natural it is and I wish when he was a newborn I would have just done it straight away and not felt like I was being a bad mother. As others have said, follow the safe sleep guidance. It never felt dangerous and I never moved and always seemed to be conscious that my baby was right there next to me, I did side sleeping breastfeeding position as others have mentioned and I just left a boob out all night so he could latch on and off and suckle as he pleased, there was never a reason for him to be upset or cry, he was warm, had his mummy and his boob, it was a beautiful thing.

I think most would be lying if they claimed not to have ever co-slept with baby.
I prefer baby in their own bed, co-sleeping with twins wasn't great for sleep quality, not so bad with a singleton.