Help me grow a spine with my 3 y/o, he rules us

[Youdonthavetobegood]

Help!

Somehow I've turned into the sort of submissive parent that I always scorned pre-child.

I'm so flipping exhausted looking after our just turned 3 y/o that I'm worried I'm letting way too many things slide for an easier life. I want him to do nice normal things like eat at the table, not whinge for ice cream all the time. But I say no in all the usual ways (got the books on how to get little kids to listen etc). But his will is just so iron clad that I end up capitulating, or at least giving in to some of his demands (eg a win at the moment is 'negotiating' him down to just one ice cream a day...)

Don't worry, I know I'm on the track to raising a brat. I don't want that, but how can I get him to listen and respect me, in a way that doesn't make me lose the will to live all day long, with his constant tantrumming? And they ARE long days....

Although some have offered good advice, I do find alot of the comments rather harsh towards both you and your LB.I mean he is a 3 year old toddler trying to learn about the world fgs and you're a stressed out mum who gives in too much at times (know the feeling).Yes kids need clear boundaries no doubt about it, but it's bloody hard putting them in place sometimes and actually they need to be done with kindness and inclusion for the majority (obviously we all get cross and lose it abit sometimes).Punitive punishments like the naughty step, ignoring expressions of emotions such as anger or upset, sending to room, time out etc are outdated and damaging for developing brains...children need clear boundaries yes, but they need us to support them through the learning curve of knowing and responding to those boundaries, standing ground and not permitting or accepting unkind, disruptive or inappropriate behaviours, but also respecting that can be a hard pill for a toddler to swallow and they are not 'spoilt brats' or 'naughty little sods' for struggling to understand rules, just confused little kids still figuring out the world and needing our empathy and support as much as possible to do so.Good luck OP, positive connection, praise and reward is key, and you will probably automatically see some of the difficult behaviours reduce xx

TV, I found, can be a major trigger for this type of behaviour. Don't ask me why, but if DD starts the day with TV she always seems much more defiant. Try going cold turkey on the screens for a week or so- see if you notice an improvement.

@Mummyof287 well said.

How's it going OP?

@SylvesterTheCat thanks for checking in! As predicted, we've had a pretty defiant week and lots of tantrums. We were involved in a one and a half hour stand off to get him to eat lunch at the table (but we won!!).

Snacks wise have actually been easier than we thought, just didn't buy any this week other than fruit, and it's a lot easier just to say 'we don't have any'.

So I think we're making progress. A big positive was that me and my husband now chat every eve about the next day- eg what will we eat, what will his snacks be, etc. Just talking it through is helpful because then I feel like we know what's going to happen, and he can't wheedle any treats out of us!

So on the whole, definitely think the spine is growing, and he (and we) are clearer on the rules. I think a lot of the problem is that we as parents didn't have many hard and fast rules. So we feel a bit more in control now, particularly around meal times and food.

He's still a pain in the arse, but it feels like we're at least moving in the right direction!

Great idea to discuss/plan ahead so that you as parents both know what's what.
Glad to hear things are improving.
Keep us posted (and with tips for the rest of us!!)