Back at work.. don't miss son one bit... feel like terrible mum

[Kitkatkit122]

As above really, everyone keeps saying how much I'd miss my 10mo but I'm enjoying work and of course pleased to see him in the evening for bedtime routine. Everyone keeps saying how I must be missing being with baby... and I'm not. Feel awful for not missing him. I know this is stupid but wondered if anyone else has gone through this emotional roller coaster.

Nope not stupid at all, I found work bizarrely normal when I went back when Dd1 was 11 months. I knew how to do work, I had no idea how to be a mum. I could have believed dd didn’t even exist when I was in the work zone!!

After all you’ve been a worker for way longer than a mum. Just call it healthy balance.

Thanks I know it is an irrational feeling but I just kind of thought I'd be pining to see him but actually I quite like not just being mum.

People are just making conversation. Say "actually no I'm really enjoying the time to myself". Or "I really look forward to doing his bedtime routine". No drama.
Feeling awful doesn't affect anyone but yourself, it's a waste of energy.

I thought I was going to work 2 days a week but I just find my one year old too much hard work. He's so lively, he needs constant activities or he gets into trouble. So now I'm working 3.5 days and I don't miss him. I also think he has way more fun at nursery than he does with me.

I was exactly the same when I went back to work and I think it's a sign of a healthy and positive relationship with your little one. It doesn't mean you don't love them or want to be with them but it's reasonable for an adult to enjoy non-child related work, company and conversation.

My DH used up all the maternity/paternity leave and was a stay at home dad for ten months - I went back to work after a few weeks and it's worked perfectly well.

The people who say "oh you must be missing them" are simply buying into and perpetuating the societal myth that a "good" mum is one attached to their child 24/7 attending their every need, whilst the father is off earning the money. It's complete crap.

That's a good point @alltheelephants it also shows OP is confident and supported in her choice of childcare.

I didn't miss my DC either. Or when they went to university

I felt like that when I went back.
It's fair easier being at work so I felt my most relaxed there.
I've found as he's got older and he's chatting on and stuff I am starting to miss him.

The people who say "oh you must be missing them" are simply buying into and perpetuating the societal myth that a "good" mum is one attached to their child 24/7 attending their every need, whilst the father is off earning the money. It's complete crap.

This.
I couldn't wait to get back to work.

Interestingly, He's 7 and I miss him more now! He's such good company and is far easier than
a baby.

Thank you everyone you have reassured me I'm normal! Totally confident in the childcare - it's LOs dad - so maybe that is a big factor too.

I rarely missed mine either! I’m a much better parent for working than I was as a SAHM.

Totally normal in my experience. Almost all the working parents I know are glad of the break. Before I went back to work, my best friend warned me to set an alarm on my phone to remember to pick DS up. I thought she was joking but she was absolutely right. I'm definitely not counting down the minutes until I see him!

I never did the sobbing when I went back to work or missing them either thing. I love my DC and I enjoy seeing them when I'm not working, but I've never missed them at work.

@alltheelephants

I was exactly the same when I went back to work and I think it's a sign of a healthy and positive relationship with your little one. It doesn't mean you don't love them or want to be with them but it's reasonable for an adult to enjoy non-child related work, company and conversation.

My DH used up all the maternity/paternity leave and was a stay at home dad for ten months - I went back to work after a few weeks and it's worked perfectly well.

The people who say "oh you must be missing them" are simply buying into and perpetuating the societal myth that a "good" mum is one attached to their child 24/7 attending their every need, whilst the father is off earning the money. It's complete crap.

Good post.

OP, don’t perpetuate this kind of sexist crap — say ‘Actually, I’m enjoying being back at work,’ or ‘Hrs in good hands’. I went back early after maternity leave without a second of guilt. Some people may enjoy spending all their days with a baby, but it’s not for me.

Babies - not so interesting.

Children as they get older - more interesting and more fun to spend time with.

I felt the same. I adore my children (now adult) but as long as I was comfortable with the care setting, I didn't miss them while I was working.
Some good responses upthread.

@RedMarauder

Babies - not so interesting.

Children as they get older - more interesting and more fun to spend time with.

Agree with this. I'd have rather had maternity with my 4yo before he went off to school than when he was a baby. I was bored to death in the early days.

@withiceplease with you on that one!

I was really happy when I went back to work. Dropped him off at the childminders and happily skipped onto the train and into the office...and went to pret for lunch in peace...bliss

Babies, even you're own, are quite boring. I'm a sahm but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have missed then as babies. Worried about them if need be maybe, and they always had lots of lovely attention and input from me, so they might have missed me. So I get this. Missing someone is about what they do for you though isn't it. Like a pp said, I'd be more likely to miss them now (11+9) than when they were babies cos they're really good company now.