This is an old problem involving a difficult boy who has in the past been a shocking, intolerable problem in so many ways. I'm his father and we recently, after a spate of lies, told him to go, but I couldn't do it without a last ditch attempt to tell him to do a behavioural 180 degree turn, with 20 conditions, or he's out - a long shot, I know, but I had to try this to exercise some integrity and compassion. My wife agreed, although for years she has taken the most trouble from him in terms of abuse (although her bad temper has sometimes kicked things off). He marginally improved but had a small slip when questioning a curfew, partly a misunderstanding, but did fall in line. My wife was upset and yesterday it kicked off when the misunderstanding blew up into a full-scale shouting match and she is now insisting he leave and that I should make him, or she will leave - with our girls. She's upset also for my not fully backing her...but I understand the slightness of the curfew slip and cannot simply say that she is right in this case, despite his past sins. It is important to say that she is fundamentally a
good woman and good mother and I love her, so this is very difficult to navigate. I need a reasonable female view because I don't want to do this without seeing if he can do what I need him to do with regard to the conditions we have set. If he fails, then that is the last chance used up and he goes. I am happy with any criticism or advice.