Can’t put 12 week old down at all - advice for a very tired mum please!

[MintGreenLife]

Hoping to pick everyone’s brains…

DS has never been happy being put down, all of his naps in the day and sleep over night is on myself or my husband. He went through a phase a few weeks ago where he actually started sleeping a couple of hours in his crib at night, but for two weeks now hasn’t spent more than 10 mins asleep in his crib at a time. We do shifts to stay awake and hold him at night time, but I’m really starting to struggle with how little sleep I’m getting now. He’s in a next 2 me crib at night and Moses basket in the day.

Have tried…

Arms up swaddle (not sure if it’s safe to keep using because of risk of rolling at this age, so swapped that for a standard sleep bag)
White noise
Warming mattress before putting him down
Placing hands on tummy and forehead once down
Holding arms down for a while to stop startling
Putting down when awake, in light sleep, in deep sleep
Rolling up towel to place around bottom of crib to create a ‘cocoon’

Any ideas/advice would be much appreciated! Xx

Can you cosleep safely? I will get you some links to have a look at so you can decide if it’s suitable for you.

You need a sleep consultant to support you.

First one is the Lullaby trust who provide evidence based advice on safe infant sleep

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/com

The next is for U.K. health professionals but I think it’s useful to help you understand the relative risks of SIDS
www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/07/Co-sleeping-and-SIDS-A-Guide-for-Health-Professionals.pdf

The last is about baby sleep in general but it’s all by a Durham university who found about about the safe c position

www.basisonline.org.uk/about-us/

It does get easier!

I had a similar issue and in the end I co slept. I never wanted to but staying awake and holding baby is not sustainable.

@MintGreenLife pram? It's not idea but my ds spent most of his first 18 months sleeping in a pram in his bedroom at night.
Our carrycot was certified for overnight sleep but he grew out of that fairly quick. Ultimately it was safer to have him sleeping at least a few hours in the pram than the risk of us falling asleep holding him.
Also he absolutely loved a bobbily blanket (photo of what I mean!). It went in his pram and he would only sleep on it. It was actually one of those car seat blankets but I used it in pram instead. I've got one I'm pram for dd now too. She seems to like it also but ds literally wouldn't settle without it
Ours is from littlelove.co.uk

My son was the same and we co-slept out of necessity. It's very safe if you follow all the guidelines.

It doesn't last forever!

Pushchair worked for us, she would scream at first but settle within 5-10 mins and then often drop off, if lucky you can get the buggy back in the house with baby still sleeping. And hopefully you can farm out pushchair trips to friends or family and take a quick nap yourself. And getting out on the walks helps your and baby's bodies know when day/night are so they can start to sleep more at night.

20 minutes in is the sweet spot for transfer to cot for our baby but it only works at night! We have the room very dark just a red nightlight and play relaxing music as she settles.

Sometimes if you can catch up with their sleep on whatever terms baby demands, they may start settling better once they aren't overtired. Even better if you can catch up too.

Is he happy sleeping next to you (co sleeping) or does he have to be on your chest semi-upright? DD had to be on me and semi upright which made sleep very difficult.

With hindsight I believe it was because she was very uncomfortable with wind/tummy/reflux issues. Partly due to tongue tie. Is your DS windy? Any signs of reflux or allergy?

PS We had a sleepyhead for DD2 and propped her on her side in it, which I believe would have helped DD1 too if we’d had it for her. However I think they are now not cleared for overnight sleeping

This was me. She literally wouldn’t sleep unless held. Every nap and all night long. My husband would get in from work and she’d sleep on him from 7pm-2am. Then I’d do the 2am until morning shift. It was horrendous. We tried absolutely everything. She wouldn’t even co-sleep next to us. At 4 months old we saw a paediatrician who said to put her down on her front. I was terrified but it worked. Paediatrician said it was more risky holding her at night and risking falling asleep then it was putting her on her front. I must admit I did nod off a few times when she was asleep on me and hated myself for it. But it was so exhausting. I’m not suggesting you put your baby to sleep on her tummy as obviously it goes against all guidelines, but that’s what worked for us. It was immediate. I’d maybe ask GP for a paediatrician referral. That’s what I did.

Wish I’d tried that Tealover.

A baby sheepskin worked for mine at times.
I found fleece blankets worked so it’s maybe worth trying a few types of blanket.
The pram/pushchair takes a bit of perseverance but did work for both of mine.
It does get easier

Both of mine would only sleep in a sleepyhead although these aren't recommended for overnight sleep.

Purflo now have a nest type device that is approved for overnight sleeping.

We co-sleep now, only thing that works!

My first was a reflux baby. Once the meds kicked in and the pain reduced, she’d got really used to sleeping upright on us but it wasn’t sustainable. The consultant said she couldn’t ever support the use of Sleepyheads etc, but if it was between that and falling asleep with a baby on your shoulder….

Sleepyhead in a tilted up crib did it for us. She’s almost three now and has been a champion sleeper (but still a non napper) since she learnt to walk at 11 months.

I bought the cushioned breathable co sleeper and put it in my bed. Ofcourse I moved my duvet away onto my side and had my baby next to me safely with his own blanket.

@Fallagain thanks so much for the links! I’ve seriously considered cosleeping, I just wasn’t sure if in the longe run that might not be all that helpful, as will need to get him to sleep in his own crib/cot at some point. Maybe the solution for now though, just so we can all get some rest!

@Xyzzzzz it’s so difficult isn’t it 😢 I’ve seriously considering cosleeping and will maybe try a few things this week and if no luck still have to go down that route x

@Smurf123 thank you, I’ll have a look at those blankets ☺️ I’ve tried to get him to sleep in his pram in the house before and failed, but may be worth another go!

@supercalifragilistic123 I think this might have to be what we end up doing. Can I ask how long you cosleept for? And if you found it difficult to eventually get your LO in their own cot/bed? X

@FTMbg frustratingly we live rurally with no pavement/pram friendly paths, so can’t take him out in the pram and then allow him to sleep in it at home, without the car/car seat being involved too. I’ll try and get out a bit more though as at the mo I probably only manage a couple of walks with him a week, mostly because I’m just too exhausted x

@minipie yeah I think you’re right - think they are only meant to be used for supervised sleep. He had a tongue tie that was only cut a couple of weeks ago at 10 weeks. At one point I considered silent reflux and was prescribed Gaviscon, but it didn’t seem to make any difference, snd now a lot of the things he had going on that I thought nay be reflux have resolved. He’s fine on his back when playing etc, but he did used to squirm/grunt/fart a lot at night - he was extremely noisy from the moment I put him down, but did used to spend some time in his crib. This seems to be better now, but now he’s just not sleeping in his crib at all x

@Tealover1968 thanks so much for sharing your experience. It’s so tough isn’t it 😢 I know I’m not going to be able to keep going like this for much longer. I haven’t tried cosleeping yet, so maybe I will and see if that’s an option for us. We have actually been seeing a paediatrician since birth as he had bad jaundice, with a hospital stay until 9 days old as he kept rebounding after the light therapy, and then he had prolonged jaundice and raised liver enzymes. I actually spoke to the paediatrician a few days ago and when he asked how he was I said ‘we still can’t put him down’ and he didn’t really comment. We are waiting to see a consultant now, so maybe when we see them I will ask what they advise! X

@mayblossominapril we have a baby sheepskin ☺️ Did you put it under the sheet in your crib? And fleece blanket over? I’m probably overly cautious but I try and follow all the guidelines as closely as I can, but then probably end up making things harder for myself 😢 x

I would also try cosleeping and see if it lets you get some rest. Are you breastfeeding?

I coslept with both of my DC and it was absolutely the best thing for us. I wasn't so bothered about how long we coslept for (not that I wanted to be doing it when they were older!!) but we ended up skipping the cot completely and transitioning them into a bed. With DD she moved into a single at 16 months and with DS he moved into a double mattress on the floor at 12 months. Both options meant I could lie with them to go to sleep but then get up and leave. We then gradually transitioned from that so that by about 2 they were left to go to sleep on their own. They're now 4 and 6 and amazing sleepers so it definitely worked for us.

@Sunshinegirl82 I think I’ve looked at the Purflo things, will have another look. I’m quite conscious of not wanting to throw loads of money at it and buy lots of gadgets as am really aware I could spend a fortune and nothing signs. I might try feeding him lying down and leaving him in that spot and cosleeping. Think I’ll try what I can over the next week and if no luck give cosleeping a go! X