Can’t put 12 week old down at all - advice for a very tired mum please!

[MintGreenLife]

Hoping to pick everyone’s brains…

DS has never been happy being put down, all of his naps in the day and sleep over night is on myself or my husband. He went through a phase a few weeks ago where he actually started sleeping a couple of hours in his crib at night, but for two weeks now hasn’t spent more than 10 mins asleep in his crib at a time. We do shifts to stay awake and hold him at night time, but I’m really starting to struggle with how little sleep I’m getting now. He’s in a next 2 me crib at night and Moses basket in the day.

Have tried…

Arms up swaddle (not sure if it’s safe to keep using because of risk of rolling at this age, so swapped that for a standard sleep bag)
White noise
Warming mattress before putting him down
Placing hands on tummy and forehead once down
Holding arms down for a while to stop startling
Putting down when awake, in light sleep, in deep sleep
Rolling up towel to place around bottom of crib to create a ‘cocoon’

Any ideas/advice would be much appreciated! Xx

My first child was ff and she was a worst sleeper than DD2 who is bf. I think you get a child who sleeps or doesn’t. It’s so hard and remember you just need to be survival mode. Get as much sleep as you can. Nap together with the baby during the day on the bed.

I promise it gets better.

@Muststopeating maybe I need to persevere with a dummy then, am worried I’ve left it too late now. He takes a bottle well - I gave him expressed milk in a bottle last night in hope a nice full tummy might help him settle. Have tried cherry dummies and a couple that are meant to be nipple shaped, will have a look at the Nuk ones.

I might try inclining his crib a bit more, as I only put it up one level.

Maybe the rolling isn’t a worry just yet. I saw him roll onto his side a few weeks ago, but I think it was accidental and because he was swinging his legs around. Not seen him do it since. I follow an Instagram account called motherhood and milestones and her baby is a similar age - she said she found his face down in his crib even though he showed no signs of rolling beforehand, so this worried me enough to stop using the swaddle bag! X

@supercalifragilistic123 wow bet that frightened you to find him sleepwalking! I slept walked as a child and apparently was very difficult to settle as a baby, so I guess he takes after me! I think I’ll try feeding him lying down in the bed today and will see what happens 🤞🏼

@Smurf123 I think I see what you mean, will look into that!

@CPDubs I have a sling but I find it a faff to put on, however we’ve just bought a more structured carrier, so I may try that around the house x

I don't know if this helps, but my kids just could not bear being swaddled or in a crib/Moses basket. They both had to be in a cot from day 1, they seemed to want to stretch out not be cocooned. It took a while to figure it out for the first, but for the next it was obvious.

@mafsfan thanks so much for that brilliant summary! You’re right, I should probably stop worrying about what I do now and what that’ll mean for the future. We can’t carry on like this, so we have to try and make changes as otherwise continuing to hold him up at night when so exhausted is just going to get dangerous! Xx

@Fallagain you’re quite right, it’s so hard when you’re in the thick of it 😢 I really hope cosleeping will help us x

@LoislovesStewie I have wondered about whether to try him sleeping in his cot in the nursery, and I would lay on the floor for now, then if that worked I’d get a blowup mattress as somewhere to sleep for me in the nursery until he was 6ish months old. I do think part of the issue is when he throws his arms around at night he hits them into the sides of his crib and it wakes him up x

[quote MintGreenLife]@mafsfan thanks so much for that brilliant summary! You’re right, I should probably stop worrying about what I do now and what that’ll mean for the future. We can’t carry on like this, so we have to try and make changes as otherwise continuing to hold him up at night when so exhausted is just going to get dangerous! Xx[/quote]
Try not to get overwhelmed by everything. You don't say how you're spending your days but remember that with a young baby it's totally ok to spend days sitting on the sofa watching Netflix if that what you need!

I totally get you on feeling like you're not safe when you're that tired. My DH worked away when I had my DD and I remember being in floods of tears because she wouldn't settle in her cot. I felt like all these people were telling me she should be doing this, that and whatever and I felt like she wasn't! What she did do was feed and fall asleep so I gradually coslept more and more until I realised that that was the way I was supposed to parent. With DS I didn't even bother trying him in the cot! It was our laundry stand!

You'll find your way. Just try find the way that best suits you and DS rather than having any thoughts on what you 'should' be doing.

[quote MintGreenLife]@LoislovesStewie I have wondered about whether to try him sleeping in his cot in the nursery, and I would lay on the floor for now, then if that worked I’d get a blowup mattress as somewhere to sleep for me in the nursery until he was 6ish months old. I do think part of the issue is when he throws his arms around at night he hits them into the sides of his crib and it wakes him up x[/quote]
This is exactly what mine did; the midwives and HV kept telling me he wanted to be swaddled. NO! he didn't he wanted to stretch out. So did the next one. I think you can only give it a try, best of luck!

Just in case cosleeping doesn’t work for you (it didn’t for me - baby wanted to be on me!) I ended up using a sleepyhead and whilst they’re not approved for overnight, for me I had to balance the risk of being so exhausted and sleep deprived and falling asleep holding her (which I was doing), against the risk of a sleep nest. When she grew out of that she just started sleeping on her front and has been a lot happier sleeping like that since then. I do wonder if some babies are just front sleepers and don’t want to cooperate with being on their backs in a flat empty cot!

My twins aren’t breastfeeding anymore but when they were these dummies were great.

www.tommeetippee.com/en-gb/product/breast-like-soother?___store=en_gb&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgfPtkfG68wIVmNwYCh1NLgVKEAQYASABEgK8D_D_BwE#530=466&526=136&527=19358

For naps I can’t carry them around and one is very colicky. So we do dark, white noise, dummies - I hold their cheek gently pushing the dummy in so they can take it. Sometimes crying for 5 minutes (it’s okay to do that). For now they sleep in Moses baskets so we can rock it. They are 11 weeks now.

If they start crying, I give it a few minutes, then pick them up for cuddles and resettle.