Mother in law buys piano book with catholic hymns to my 8 weeks old baby??!!!

[zinky]

Hello,

The grandmother of the baby is a very sweet person and helps us a lot with the baby or any other issue we could have (she does this with her other sons and daughters too) but she is a catholic obsessed tbh.

I am a moderate catholic and her son is catholic too and I come from a very catholic city but her faith/behaviour/beliefs are too extremist and beyond common sense some times..

When she is with the baby she has made comments in front of me regarding taking the baby to mass, that she wants the baby to join a catholic choir in the future, etc etc

On Monday she mentioned she had bought a piano book with catholic hymns for my 8weeks baby and I am completely against for several reasons. But the main one is that I don't think that she as grandmother should interfere in his grandson religiosity.

If I don't have a conversation with her now to stop this, she will feel entitled to decide about our son education and religion. AIBU??

The baby will be baptised and follow Christian and catholic values by guidance and decision only of his parents and no one else.

How should I explain it to her?

Thanks

It's a book that makes noise. Put it away, re-produce in 6 months and he'll have a great time with it without understanding any of the actual context

i don't quite see what you are objecting to.
it is your religion, and your husband's and you intend to have the child baptised.
she does not seem to have suggested anything extreme to me, given that catholicism emphasises the importance of family, duty to parents, handing on the faith etc.
can't you just say to her, that's nice, thank you.
you don't have to actually use the hymn book if you don't want to.
it's not as if she is trying to indoctrinate him into some obscure cult, away from his parents.
try not to worry.

Your MIL has very good taste in Music
😂😂😂
Catholic hymns are the best.

You’re all catholic, not sure what the issue is here? Very strange thing to get worked up about, it’s just a book.

Don't blow this all out of proportion. He is 8 weeks old, he will not have the capacity for such in depth thought about spirituality for many years yet.

This book seems an appropriate gift for a child who is to be raised Catholic. Unless the contents of the book are too extreme for you then just say thanks and put it away and look forward to when tiny little hands are big enough to enjoy mashing the buttons. It is unlikely to become a tool of indoctrination.

If mass is mentioned then just maybe gently put it to her that you and your husband will take him along when you feel the time is right and give a similar response to any other suggestions she comes up with. No need for any cross words at this point she is just excited but it's still a long way off before he would understand or benefit from Catholic instruction.

Like others have said, your baby will love making noise with it without getting any of the context. The batteries will run flat and it will likely be discarded/destroyed by the time he could possibly comprehend it.

I also don’t quite get the offence given it is not that she is pushing a religion different to your own.

Yabu it’s just a book that makes noise that’ll probably be in the bin before he can read.
We had all types of those toys and books back in school. Children benefit from being exposed to different religious and cultural educational materials you’re overreacting.

The baby will be baptised and follow Christian and catholic values by guidance and decision only of his parents and no one else

You are Catholic, DH is Catholic, baby will be Catholic.....what's the problem ? And honestly if you really think that you will be the only influences on his life, think again. Unless you want to totally alienate your MIL, and the rest of your baby's family, it is prudent to be kind and to listen to them. And if she wants to buy a book, let her !

Surely your DH could explain this to her as gently as possible, as I think that she sounds like a very loving abuela.
I am not at all religious (but I am very spiritual), and I can't actually see the harm in the religious songs per se, as long as either you or tita has a piano, and that the songs are as joyful as the cover suggests. If so I might be inclined to let my little one enjoy some songs sung around a piano, but I would probably get some non religious one's too to balance things out.
I do understand your worry though that tita may think that you accepting the religious song book means that she will be treated as the Matriarch of the family, who thinks she will always get her own way!
So I do think that you could sometimes let tita give her nieta some things that will remind tita of days gone by, but your DH really does need to explain to his Mum that any gifts etc are only being allowed under certain conditions.

You're all Catholic, but you don't think she should be interfering in his religious upbringing? That is a very, very weird take on a completely harmless and quite thoughtful gift, OP. I mean it's not age appropriate (it will be ages before he can play with it) but people get excited about babies.

I'm assuming you just don't like her very much? Or are you going to get upset when someone buys him a children's bible for his baptism?

You hate her.

You described this grandparent as a sweet, caring person, so please show the same respect back to her. There is absolutely no need whatsoever to make an issue out of this. She is showing a genuinely loving approach to a child she wants to protect from a bewildering world in the only way she can. It's a loving, increasingly rare thing for people to do. They really are like the elves leaving middle earth in Lord of the Rings! Treasure her well meant love, you really will miss it when it's gone and the world becomes a dull secular place again.

Very much a PFB situation. No need to get worked up.

As to what you're objecting to, I can't possibly imagine. A catholic, who plans to raise their child as a catholic, is objecting to a catholic hymn book. You are looking for problems.

Congratulations on your new baby op

You are completely over-reacting! Smile and accept the gift in the spirit it has been given!

Take a deep breath and between the time your DS has been baptized (where you promise to bring him up in the faith) and he starts nursery school, you and your DH should sit down and decide what "level" of Catholicism you are comfortable with eg are you going to go to weekly mass etc , are you going to be involved in parish life or not, and then you and your DH should sit down with your mil and discuss it with her.

Tbh, most of this will be determined by the schools that you send your son to and whether they are active Catholic primary schools or Catholic in name only.

I understand your concerns as I was brought up Catholic and had a very Catholic education and I am very much struggling with my faith now for all sorts of other reasons related to feminism and the church's role in child abuse etc. I still believe in God, I just tend to have a problem with the institution of the church and most Catholic priests I meet, however hard I try to "meet them where they are at"! However our parish holds many events where young and old from all sorts of different backgrounds mix together and that is the essence of the faith I think from a social justice pov. And we have many outreach projects in the community helping families with children who have SEN, the elderly and the homeless, and again they are very inspiring. And mostly driven by a lay committee it has to be said.

A good Catholic primary school, with high academic standards where the teachers have a real vocation to teach, with an active faith programme which focuses just as much on on a child's character, as it does on academics, and strong wider, voluntary links with the community, can be a fantastic thing and set your DC up for life, and they are in the main communities that are very female heavy.

Relax and enjoy your baby and appreciate your helpful, loving mil and just take a pause and think things through with your DH. It's fine if you have certain boundaries, and you have a different perspective to your mil, but no need to go charging in like a bull in a china shop!

It’s a book, stop being so bloody precious

Catholic hymns are great but you ibis the devil had better tunes

What on Earth is your objection here?

You're planning to force religion on the kid. And your MIL is wrong for... forcing religion on your kid.

Maybe everyone should chill out.

Oh dear

You sound like you're looking for an argument TBH.

Thanks for replies.

I am not looking for an argument but I believe it's on the parents to decide when, how and to what extent religion and other important topics will be part of a child's life/upbringing.

There are different degrees of faith and I don't share her approach.

I have nothing against my MIL, in fact I am the one who encourages a closer relationship between her and her son and her and the baby. I grew up with my 4 grandparents and it was amazing.

It's just some songs. I cannot for the life of me see what the issue is.

I'm nominally C of E, DH was raised as Roman Catholic but is definitely non-practising. We decided not to have DCs baptised and let them make their own choices (if any) re religion in future. MIL has always bought them the odd prayer book and so on which they thank her kindly for them but then just put them on a bookshelf. Occasionally she has taken them to church with her. I really don't mind. So buying DC these kind of books is rather sweet but you may need to both put your feet down if she starts trying to dictate how you raise your child, which my MIL has never done.

Good grief OP...for the love of god, chill out!! You are SERIOUSLY and disproportionately overreacting! Really...this is an extreme reaction, given that your entire family is catholic!!!

It's a noisy children's song book, not electric shock torture conversion therapy ffs!!!

You honestly need to get a HUGE grip here...HUGE!!!!