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Original poster

Mother in law buys piano book with catholic hymns to my 8 weeks old baby??!!!

80 replies

zinky · 30/09/2021 02:06

Hello,

The grandmother of the baby is a very sweet person and helps us a lot with the baby or any other issue we could have (she does this with her other sons and daughters too) but she is a catholic obsessed tbh.

I am a moderate catholic and her son is catholic too and I come from a very catholic city but her faith/behaviour/beliefs are too extremist and beyond common sense some times..

When she is with the baby she has made comments in front of me regarding taking the baby to mass, that she wants the baby to join a catholic choir in the future, etc etc

On Monday she mentioned she had bought a piano book with catholic hymns for my 8weeks baby and I am completely against for several reasons. But the main one is that I don't think that she as grandmother should interfere in his grandson religiosity.

If I don't have a conversation with her now to stop this, she will feel entitled to decide about our son education and religion. AIBU??

The baby will be baptised and follow Christian and catholic values by guidance and decision only of his parents and no one else.

How should I explain it to her?

Thanks

Mother in law buys piano book with catholic hymns to my 8 weeks old baby??!!!
OP posts:
LifeIsEverchanging · 30/09/2021 07:40

You definitely are making a mountain out of a molehill here. You’re looking for issues to be worked up about.

MakingM · 30/09/2021 07:46

They are hymns. YABU.

YABU to think that other family members aren’t going to have some influence over how your child develops…and just a little bit controlling tbh

BUT you have a new baby so that is entirely to be expected. Perhaps don’t have unnecessary arguments with your support network just now. Leave it until the child is actually old enough to understand the words of the hymns.

lynntheyresexpeople · 30/09/2021 07:56

You're catholic, your husband is catholic, the baby will be baptised and raised as catholic - so what's the issue over some hymns for a baby? She's not over stepped by getting a book. If you weren't religious I'd see your point. She's not forcing it on him, you've already decided he will be catholic so she's going along with it. You're being completely over the top.

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MakingM · 30/09/2021 07:58

Your baby will grow and absorb all kinds of influences which you cannot control. If you would prefer that they absorb more of a particular kind of influence then plan to ensure they are surrounded by more people whom will be that kind of influence. You simply won’t be able to prevent all kinds of influence that you don’t like - especially if it comes from family members.

GoWalkabout · 30/09/2021 08:10

I think you are feeling territorial and protective now you are a mother. Its good to have joint boundaries with your dh, especially if any of your parents have form for being intrusive, but otherwise embrace your family being interested and caring. Try not to create battles in your head. You ARE in charge and you will decide, its no big deal.

SkinnyMirror · 30/09/2021 08:13

I am not looking for an argument but I believe it's on the parents to decide when, how and to what extent religion and other important topics will be part of a child's life/upbringing.

Your baby won't have a clue what is going on.
It's a book that makes noise - total overreaction.

GoodnightGrandma · 30/09/2021 08:13

My kids were bought religious things but me and DH don’t believe, so we just put them in the top of the wardrobe and the kids eventually threw them out.

tiggerwhocamefortea · 30/09/2021 08:15

Over reaction!!!! Agree it's a book that makes noise - they won't have a clue about it's actually content until they are most likely in school in which case given your faith presumably you'd favour a Catholic one so don't are the issue

Spindrifting · 30/09/2021 08:18

I was about to ask — which hymns??? Then I googled, those hymns aren’t in any sense Catholic. I was thinking of things like ‘The Bells of the Angelus’ or ‘Sweet Sacrament Divine’, but the book has ‘Oh Happy Day’, ‘When the Saints Go Marching In’, ‘This Little Light of Mine’ and ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’, none of which are Catholic.

Disappointing as I liked the idea of a board book that cranked out something grim like ‘Soul of MySaviour’ or ‘Queen of the May’.

MsSquiz · 30/09/2021 08:21

Will you feel the same when people undoubtedly buy your child bibles and rosaries when he is baptised? Or it is just because she is enthusiastic about welcoming her grandchild into her faith?

She has bought him a book with a toy keyboard attached! You are making this much bigger than it needs to be! Do you think, at a few months old he will see the books, magically be able to play the music to the hymns and decide he wants to become a devout catholic or a priest?!

You don't need to explain anything to her because she hasn't done anything wrong.
As your son grows up, if he would like to join choir, that would be lovely for him. If not, that's fine too! But he's 8 weeks old!

Wagglerock · 30/09/2021 08:26

The books a bit advanced for an 8 week old, was there not a baby version available?

ncmcr · 30/09/2021 08:30

I don't believe in any religion, but I wouldn't bet an eyelid if someone, including my mother in law gave this as a gift.

Its a toy. I don't see what your problem is. It's literally just a book. Chill out.

ncmcr · 30/09/2021 08:30

Bat*

drpet49 · 30/09/2021 08:35

Quite clearly you hate your MIL and are just looking for a fight. Read your post in a few years OP, you will cringe at it.

GreatPotato · 30/09/2021 08:35

I'm not sure how you can claim to be Catholic and Christian and plan a Catholic and Christian upbringing and object to a hymbook.

It's normal to give these kinds of gifts to babies and she's managed to find a child friendly/toy version.

Chloemol · 30/09/2021 08:45

It’s a book that makes noise. That’s all your child is going to care about

You are all Catholic, you say you are getting them christened.

When the child is old enough you can discuss what they think

But it’s a book that all

LifeIsEverchanging · 30/09/2021 09:05

Ask yourself- if you’re all Catholic and your mum bought the book - would you be on mumsnet complaining?

Darkchocolateandcoffee · 30/09/2021 09:10

Love a Catholic hymm. Not sure what you're worried about here. If you don't like it, put it away and that's the end of it.

DogFoodPie · 30/09/2021 09:35

It's so normal in Catholic families to have a Grandma who is very devout, goes to Mass all the time, has a house full of religious nicknacks and spends time helping at the church. Then the younger members are all more moderate like you. I'm sure it won't influence him, he will see that sort of thing as something old-fashioned that old ladies do. I agree with the others that as you are Catholic and planning to raise him Catholic, it's not inappropriate for her to give him religious themed gifts or talk about her hopes he will sing in the choir, there are plenty of moderate Catholics who would hope the same if they loved music.

ParkheadParadise · 30/09/2021 09:42

Like I said previously
Catholic hymns are the best 💚💚

At 8 weeks I would imagine that your son attends Mass already, both of mine did from newborn, both were Baptized before 12 weeks.
What does this mean
I am a moderate catholic!!! 😆😆

TrampolineForMrKite · 30/09/2021 09:52

If my MIL brought this I would be very fucked off, because me and her son are atheists and vocally so. But you’re Catholic. With a baby you intend to have baptised. So surely this is a perfect gift?! Don’t understand what you’re getting worked up about.

SirGawain · 30/09/2021 10:03

When she is with the baby she has made comments in front of me regarding taking the baby to mass, that she wants the baby to join a catholic choir in the future, etc etc.
Just nod, smile and carry on. My MInL had also sorts of ambitions for our DCs. In the end they became their own people.

Toddlerteaplease · 30/09/2021 10:10

My kids. (Should I ever have them) will be brought up having the New English Hymnal played at them. (I love scared choral music)

lenorofavenor · 30/09/2021 10:29

Seriously relax. I'm an atheist and I'm sure I had bible stories gifted to my child. Not a big deal, nobody's forcing anything on you. Your child won't become the pope because someone gifted them a board book of hymns.

Sally872 · 30/09/2021 10:42

I don't think there is anything to do until there is an actual problem. If she is sweet and helpful then that is a good indication she won't cause too many issues. IF she oversteps on the church side of things when dc is old enough then pull back on it. It looks petty to care about this book.

As the grandchild grows they can say no thanks to choir, church etc.