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Original poster

Mother in law buys piano book with catholic hymns to my 8 weeks old baby??!!!

80 replies

zinky · 30/09/2021 02:06

Hello,

The grandmother of the baby is a very sweet person and helps us a lot with the baby or any other issue we could have (she does this with her other sons and daughters too) but she is a catholic obsessed tbh.

I am a moderate catholic and her son is catholic too and I come from a very catholic city but her faith/behaviour/beliefs are too extremist and beyond common sense some times..

When she is with the baby she has made comments in front of me regarding taking the baby to mass, that she wants the baby to join a catholic choir in the future, etc etc

On Monday she mentioned she had bought a piano book with catholic hymns for my 8weeks baby and I am completely against for several reasons. But the main one is that I don't think that she as grandmother should interfere in his grandson religiosity.

If I don't have a conversation with her now to stop this, she will feel entitled to decide about our son education and religion. AIBU??

The baby will be baptised and follow Christian and catholic values by guidance and decision only of his parents and no one else.

How should I explain it to her?

Thanks

Mother in law buys piano book with catholic hymns to my 8 weeks old baby??!!!
OP posts:
Tellmesomethinggirl · 30/09/2021 06:36

Op you are panicking because the book represents something much bigger?

Is your mil intrusive in other ways? Does she respect the privacy of you and your DC? Does she impose her opinion on you or try to domineer or try to come between you and your DH?

If the answer is "no" to those questions, then you should be ok!

Bolognesedoc · 30/09/2021 06:39

Please don't ruin your relationship with your MIL for this. It really is a non-problem.

MitheringMytryl · 30/09/2021 06:40

It seems an odd thing to get so upset about, but since you are... You need to tell her that this has crossed a line for you. Let her know that you don't want her to buy religious things for him. Explain why. Otherwise she will probably keep doing it and have no idea how much it is upsetting you, and it will become a huge issue.

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LetHimHaveIt · 30/09/2021 06:40

So you'd like your child to be . . . a bit Catholic? But not '12 Fun Songs' Catholic?

So weird.

plk323 · 30/09/2021 06:41

My parents are regular church goers, my husband is atheist and finds religion a bit sinister (despite my efforts to tell him he's being unreasonable).

It looks like the type of book my parents would pick up in the bookshop in the foyer of their church because they thought it looks fun. They bought my kids similar books and we treated them as any other story book and read them the stories if asked. It really wasn't a big deal and I think you're reading too much into it. My parents occasionally take the kids to church which my husband is happy with. It's not caused any great issue and I'd say this isn't a battle you need to fight.

Hardybloodyhar · 30/09/2021 06:44

As a parent and teacher (of much older children), no one can force religion on your child. It's a decision they make for themselves when they are older. If your MIL is caring and helpful don't try and limit the relationship because of faith. She can bang on all she wants, but the decision will ultimately be theirs.

Different flavour of Catholicism indeed. Harrumph. If you'd feud over that you need to give your head the Mumsnet wobble.

Toddlerteaplease · 30/09/2021 06:45

As long as it doesn't have 'I watch the sunrise lighting the sky' or 'Eagles wings' it's not an issue!

Toddlerteaplease · 30/09/2021 06:46

I play music by Thomas Tallis to babies at work who won't sleep. Works like a charm. No complaints yet!

Twizbe · 30/09/2021 06:48

It's a hymn book with a piano attached. It will be a looooooong time before baby is able to play with the piano and read the book .... way after the batteries die tbh.

Your all catholic so I'm not sure I see the issue here. MiL has suggested taking the baby to mass ... not a huge deal. Baby won't understand what's going on for ages. You'll be around to give your view of your faith as well.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/09/2021 06:48

@LetHimHaveIt

So you'd like your child to be . . . a bit Catholic? But not '12 Fun Songs' Catholic?

So weird.

Grin
Spiindoctor · 30/09/2021 06:50

I think the conversation should be with your DH. You should both be on the same page. Ignore DMIL at this point in child's life.

almaonao · 30/09/2021 06:50

I'm not even a believer and wouldn't mind this.

Unless you're a secret atheist I can't see the problem.

Hardybloodyhar · 30/09/2021 06:51

@Toddlerteaplease

As long as it doesn't have 'I watch the sunrise lighting the sky' or 'Eagles wings' it's not an issue!
It clearly says fun songs, not prolonged warbling, so probably not.
Tellmesomethinggirl · 30/09/2021 06:52

@Toddlerteaplease

As long as it doesn't have 'I watch the sunrise lighting the sky' or 'Eagles wings' it's not an issue!
GrinGrin
NannyR · 30/09/2021 06:52

Why would a practising Christian parent, bringing up their child in a Christian home, not want their child to hear worship songs and hymns?

hopeishere · 30/09/2021 07:00

This picking and choosing of Catholicism gets my goat. Either do it or don't.

Loads of DSs friends did communion and it seemed to be because grandparents wanted it. None of the kids ever go to mass!!

RancidOldHag · 30/09/2021 07:00

Is there something else going on or a bad blood in the past with MIL?

Because she's done something entirely appropriate for a DC who is to be raised RC within a Catholic family. She's not overstepped your line that the DC is Catholic and will be raised as such, and you as parents have the day-to-day of the rate at which that happens.

All she's done is give a book/toy that fits the family's religion. That's a nice thing. She's not telling you that it must be played everyday, Lauds, Sext and Compline!
(though that would be a blessing in disguise as it'll flatten the battery faster)

glitterelf · 30/09/2021 07:01

You all share the same faith so I don't really understand the issue ? I do find it puzzling though that you don't seem to acknowledge that as your child grows there will be many adults who will support him should he choose to continue to follow his path to religion, church, family, godparents, schools and his sponsor.
You are making a mountain out of a mole hill for what appears to be a lovely gift that in time your child will enjoy.

glitterelf · 30/09/2021 07:02

@Toddlerteaplease thanks for the ear worm!

M0rT · 30/09/2021 07:10

What happens in your home will have the most effect on your child's religious practice.
His grandmother bringing him catholic centred presents won't change the fact that you don't do the novenas at 12 and 6, go to mass weekly, say nightly prayers and probably won't refer to religion at all much during daily life.
It will just be something his grandmother does.
The stories and songs are interesting to small children but mass is a long time to sit still and if you don't make a big deal of it he will lose interest as he gets older anyway.
I and all my siblings were raised by devout Catholics, educated in catholic ethos schools. None of us was going to mass regularly by our mid teens.

RancidOldHag · 30/09/2021 07:17

Good point by @M0rT

If you are doing this cynically for school entrance, you need to go mass weekly, maybe for the two years before you need to submit the application form depending on the entrance criteria and popularity of the local school/s.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 30/09/2021 07:17

We're an atheist household and I'd just smile, nod, and let the baby plink away on the bloody keys once he gets to be old enough.

It's just music. Our equivalent played "Three Blind Mice" and was bought for us by MIL and DC1 is yet to express an interest in de-tailing small rodents.

Newcastleteacake · 30/09/2021 07:34

"The baby will be baptised and follow Christian and catholic values by guidance and decision only of his parents and no one else"

What happens if the child grows to have an opinion of their own and doesn't choose the path of Catholicism? Baby is still new, there's much to learn and you are going to find that this is a minor thing.

I would just thank MIL for the book, let baby enjoy the noise it makes and carry on with things.

If the book is a red herring and the real issue is that you believe MIL will be too intrusive in future then yes, you absolutely must set boundaries now.

Tellmesomethinggirl · 30/09/2021 07:35

This picking and choosing of Catholicism gets my goat. Either do it or don't.

This is always said by people who don't understand religion. Religious faiths are framed and driven by failing sinning humans like you or me who who are not all holy or all perfect. Every member of the congregation is an individual at a different stage of faith. There is no such thing as following a faith wholeheartedly and perfectly. Or agreeing with everything a religion dictates. Religions adapt and change over time (in the Catholic church's case, over a very, very, long time and change is at a snail's pace largely because it is a universal church and it takes different parts of the world a long time to catch up with each other). We have individual freedom of conscience and action. We emphasise some parts of the faith in our lives and reject others. We try and change the church from within and influence the way congregations are fun. We all fail and try again.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 30/09/2021 07:37

The baby will be baptised and follow Christian and catholic values by guidance and decision only of his parents and no one else.
If you are the Catholic you claim to be, your baby will have godparents who are responsible for assisting in his religious upbringing.
Catholic relatives (like the grandmother) are also expected to assist.
You sound like you have issues with your MIL and are just looking for a fight.