How do you deal with an ex who keeps your children's clothes

[Speedyhare22]

My ex is a narcissist who always has to have control. He hates that I left him and still tries to do anything he can to wind me up and control every situation.

When I moved out I took all our sons clothes with me as I use them all week long and he now goes to nursery so we go through quite a bit.
He hated that I took everything but I didn't see the point of him keeping stuff that I could use all week long just for the weekend.
However i would send our Son to him for the weekend with a bag full of different outfits for him to chose from and different style shoes (some fantastic condition as bought new and some second hand cos you know what kids are like) but my ex started keeping items and refusing to send them back. Some items were things like wellies which he only had one set of and so I had none to send him to nursery in. He would keep some of his best jeans which I only had a couple of pairs off so when i wanted to dress him smart for a party or something, I didn't have the nice things I'd want to put him in. He's even kept loads of pairs of these expensive trainer socks I bought that are thick and don't roll down and stretch to a much bigger size so thyy are meant to last years.
I now only have 5 pairs left out of 12.

So anyway, I noticed that my ex would start sending him back in clothes that he bought our Son so I thought brilliant, he's getting his own things (and I would wash these and always send them back at next visit)
So I've started sending Son to him with a limited amount of outfits and mist of these are now his not so nice outfits, things that I wouldn't mind so much if my ex doesn't return. Because I'm fed up with spending money on things and then never seeing them again. Now my ex has written me a note saying how he has noticed that our Son clothes are deteriorated and he only buys him clothes because he clearly needs smartening up.

Now to be clear, these clothes are still flipping good condition. I don't put my kid in rags but this is just another one of his attempts to try and make out I can't cope and am not looking after him properly.

How would you react or what do you do in these situations?

He doesn't need to know someone else is screening. You use an exclusive email address and you both have log in. They basically let
You know when there is something that needs an answer and then replies.

Honestly - get a court order. Make sure holidays are included. Make sure parties are included (and your DS might just have to miss the ones when he's with your ex). Go through CMS. These two will reduce the 'reasons' he can find to contact harass you.

For context, DD's father sometimes lives 7 hrs away (he moved). When not 7 hrs away, he's overseas for months at a time yet I am accused of blocking contact... The order I have for DD includes weekends (3 months' notice; times set in order, twice a term), school hols (always 1st week), international travel, Xmas. And you know what? Rather than feeling restrictive, this means that both DD & I know at the beginning of the year what will be going on. Liberating. Greatly reduced communication requirements. Can't recommend it highly enough. For bonus peachiness, this man is currently 6 months behind with child support, which is a massive £9.20/week. He doesn't get to keep clothes any more though!! .

I get back........
Presumed these shoes were to stay. Please do not leave items In bag you would like back as its confusing

This is perfect, he's given you exactly what you want in this one sentence. You can now simply send him in clothes and shoes and he'll have to send him back in them (or other). If he asks you 'why' simply refer back to him the above.

Oh and don't even bother with a response. He's not asked a question about your dc so no need. He's simply trying to get a ride out of you

I am going through this right now as well. My ex would flip out if I didn’t send the kids in nice, name brand, Matching outfits as well as send clothes to change into because “I took everything when I left”. I left a year and a half ago- those clothes wouldn’t even fit them now. I buy them nice clothes all the time and he doesn’t ever besides Easter and Christmas. I eventually let him flip out over it and stopped sending things- I’m also not sending them in nice clothing anymore because I will never see it again. It’s so frustrating and costly! And unless you’ve experienced it, explaining it to someone else sounds petty, but it’s ridiculous!!!

Simple.Just send him in the outfit he is wearing. He can wear it when he comes back to you. The ex keeps clothes for your son to wear at his own house only and you keep your son's clothes at your house. Tell him that's the arrangement in one text and don't engage with him about it after that.job done.

Have you heard of the Grey Rock Method? One of the only tools that I have found works with a narcissist. Look it up if you haven’t heard of it before. I am also going through the same situation with a narcissist ex and clothes not being sent back. Every now and again I am punished with games or comments made to dig the knife in and invoke a reaction from afar. I say nothing. Nothing new, nothing different, no attention, no words. This is one of those situations. He’s looking to hurt. Don’t give him it x