Give me your honest - warts and all - experience of

[Bridie20]

… the postpartum phase please.

Specifically the first 2-4 weeks? I’m trying to find info on what it’ll be like to show my partner but it’s really hard to find much that is comprehensive online.

I don’t mind about ‘scaremongering’ - I am very aware it can be horrendous for some and okay for others. Just want your honest experiences please if you are happy to share?

Thank you!

I just remember thinking that I would have rather gone through labour again than have to pee. The graizes. Owwww

That you may not have a sudden rush of love and you may just be on survival mode and going through the motions for a little bit.

My daughter ended up in NICU for two weeks after she was born and while deep down I knew I loved her, I felt empty for the first few weeks of her life and moved mechanically to ensure she was looked after. Her hospital stay probably triggered this as I blamed myself for what happened to her so I found it hard to connect.

Breastfeeding also just didn't really happen for me. It didnt feel natural, was painful (also tried with a nipple shield) and trying to pump was draining. In the end I stopped pumping shortly after we brought her home as I just couldn't handle it. It also meant my husband could help with feeding her bottles and I didn't feel like a milking cow.

I also struggled emotionally with becoming a mother. I had gone from a very independent person, working/gymming etc to sitting at home, going out for a daily walk and that's it. This was during covid so was much more isolating, but we live away from family so I needed my husband to step up and support me emotionally (which he didn't do very well). Make sure he is aware that you may need more support than before.

You may also just not like the newborn phase. Neither my husband or I particularly did- we enjoyed it more when her personality started to shine through a few months down the line.

This paints me in a horrific light but I love my daughter with every fibre of my being. She is an amazing little wonder and would not change a thing. Probably won't have a second though, lol.

Everyone has a different experience, I hear lots of people saying c sections are harder post partum however after my vaginal delivery I suffered for around 6 weeks with lots of pain. It all depends on the birth you have along with other factors. There's no way of knowing what to expect really.

The biggest shock of my life. I don't think anybody really understands until they're doing it and it's so so intense. But lovely.

I wasn't prepared to be in pain, feel so drained and not want any visitors. After two days of breast feeding I felt like someone was cutting my nipples with tiny razors. I powered on for two months of BF and pumping. Not sure why I put myself through that and I felt very guilty and sad about stopping but it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders when I did. Your birth does make a huge difference to feeding. I didn't get skin to skin immediately and lost quite a lot of blood, my milk took a while to come in and my son lost a lot of weight making feeding a challenge for us!

Nobody can tell you what it'll be like - it's totally different from woman to woman and from child to child. With my first I breezed through the first few weeks - he was a dream, he latched on straight away, he slept brilliantly, and looking back I floated through it all in a little cloud of happiness.

With my second we were readmitted into hospital twice as a result of c section complications, she took ages to work out how to feed, cried all the time and wouldn't sleep unless she was on top of me. I didn't feel any sort of real bond with her for weeks; looking back I think I might have had a mild case of PPD but it's easy to convince the HVs that you're fine when you're a middle class second time mum.

I love both my kids equally and enormously - I'm just saying that no two experiences of the 'fourth trimester' are ever the same.

Different for everyone. I had c-sections, but didn't realise just how much your core muscles do. One day very early on, dp took ds1 downstairs so I could shower etc. Only I realised I couldn't sit up or roll to get out of bed, so was stuck. If you choose to breastfeed, don't get hung up on what a perfect latch looks like. If you are ok and the baby is feeding and producing wet nappies, you are doing good. For ds1 I was so paranoid about it not being like they showed in the classes and having "lipstick nipple". By ds2 I realised that for millennia we haven't had people with diagrams telling us what it must be like and it was a lot less stress.

I've had four babies and found the newborn stage the easiest part of parenting by far. But I had straightforward births, no tears or stitches, and found breastfeeding really easy. None of my babies had reflux or colic and were good sleepers. I never had post natal depression or anything and I bonded eith my babies instantly. However I can imagine if any of those variables were different I may have struggled much more , for example a difficult long labour and birth can affect your mental and physical health massively. Which in turn can affect your bonding with the baby, breastfeeding, sleep, etc etc. There's no way of knowing before hand how things will work out for you unfortunately!

I had a fairly straightforward vaginal birth, but I did have an episiotomy and stitches so I was in quite a lot of pain and discomfort from that.

Breastfeeding was easy for me so I was lucky there.

Sleep deprivation was worse than I was expecting. Being woken up every couple of hours and having to feed a baby is so so hard!

The emotional side of things was hard too. I didn't have PND or anything but I felt completely disconnected from my previous life, and at first I found it really hard to not be able to do ANYTHING, not even pop out to the shop, without having to think about DS first. (Will he need feeding? Or changing? Will he fall asleep in the pram and sleep too long and that will mess up the timing of his next feed?)

Good luck OP!

I was totally exhausted from the birth and extremely emotional for weeks afterwards. I honestly thought I would die from sleep deprivation. Breastfeeding was painful for ages thanks to undiagnosed tongue tie. I found the relentlessness of it all incredibly hard. Settling DD for naps was enraging at a lot of the time because she needed so much help to get to sleep.
The night wakings continued 2+ times per night until DD was 8.5 months when she finally slept through for the first time. Honestly, since we went down to one or no night wakings and day naps became easy I am a new woman. I love motherhood. I adore my baby. I want another one. I am terrified to have another.
If you are in any way a person who likes order or control or you have a tendency to be anxious, it’s a rough ride.

Currently nearly 3 weeks pp with my first and doing OK. The first few days were tough as I'm very outdoorsy and missed walking my dog and seeing my horses but once I got the hang of some kind of routine I was happy taking baby with me in her sling.
My body feels OK...very flabby but the actual pregnancy weight is dropping off well. Had some stitches which were sore then fine then horribly itchy but haven't thought about them for a few days now.
Sick of my boobs leaking everywhere but apparently that will settle down soon.

It’s different for each person, and for each child. It’s really hard to predict how it’ll be, I suppose he just needs to know how it could be and that he needs to be checking what you want and need throughout.
With my first I felt invincible, full of energy, baby slept pretty well and breastfed well (although a lot). Obviously second time around you’ve got another one to look after as well, so it’s usually harder but you’re more used to it and often more confident.
Things that can be a struggle in the first few weeks are lack of sleep/ tiredness, baby wanting to be held all the time, colic, reflux, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, interfering relatives, housework, post birth pain etc etc, you may struggle with any combination of those things to any extent!

I had a straightforward vaginal delivery. The first couple of days I ached from top to toe in a way that I've never experienced before - my core muscles were so shredded I couldn't stand up straight and had to sort of shuffle along, bent forward and found it hard to lift things.

I had a second degree tear so some stitches, which made getting in and out of bed/moving around to try to find a comfy position or suitable position to breastfeed in a bit fraught. The soreness from the stitches and feeling like I was going to reopen the tear while walking persisted for quite a few weeks, and if I tried to walk at my normal pace I would bleed. It took months to feel anything like normal in that regard.

Unlike other women, I did not experience any discomfort trying to use the loo postnatally, but the nerves to my bladder had been temporarily damaged by the delivery so for a few days I couldn't really tell how full my bladder was, so had to just take myself to the loo at regular intervals.

I was also hungrier than I've ever been. The hospital meals all had double carbs and I was inhaling them and looking around for more! Pack all the snacks and make sure you have lots of food at home as well! Your partner's job is to bring you food and drinks at all times

Breastfeeding was sore to begin with - my baby was reluctant to open his mouth wide, which caused soreness and some damage. The first few weeks I wanted to cry every time he wanted feeding. I persevered and it was worth it for me, but that's a very personal decision.

I loved her intensely from the start but to be honest i think i was in shock for the first couple of days, i had no idea what i was doing, and was next to useless. Breastfeeding didn't work, she could never latch, and when it came to expressing as much as was needed (8 times per day) to get my supply going, i found it really difficult particularly when still in hospital. When at home i wasn't particularly mobile for at least a couple of weeks after a vaginal delivery with episiotomy. I did too much one day...i think probably the day we had guests, and felt awful that evening. My stitches also came away a bit, although did eventually heal. I probably only went out with DD alone a handful of times in the first 2 months, mainly due to the amount of time needed to feed her, then express and needing to stick to regular expressing which is pretty tricky when out and about. I also developed a breast abscess, resulting in numerous dr visits, a couple of nights in hospital and during the worst of it i couldn't even pick DD up.

Really it depends a lot on how the birth goes, how you cope personally and also how your baby is... some need a lot more attention than others. At the least you'll be knackered for the first 4 weeks, and your partner should prepare for whatever you need... practical help, emergency trips to the shop, taking care of domestic chores, emotional support, allowing you time to sleep undisturbed etc. It's impossible to predict!

For me it was really quite nice… I had my 2 by ELCS which was a bit sore but I was off all my painkillers after a week so it wasn’t bad at all. I didn’t breastfeed and both of mine were quite sleepy so I was generally waking them to feed about every 3 hours during the day, overnight they both did 4-6 hour chunks, then went straight back down. We have a cleaner and DH was off work for a month so did all the other house stuff. It got harder at 4 weeks though when DH went back to work and babies fully woke up and became trickier to get to sleep!

For me: I had an induction which ended up in csection after almost 24 hours of contractions. Still only 3 cm dilated. We were extremely unwell. In hospital 10 days I think. With covid restrictions my Oh could only come an hour a day 😔 I have no idea how I got through these days, and as it was very busy as lots of babies born in March, I was left alone.

I struggled big time. To the point I was in tears all the time. Literally sobbing at anything. First 6 weeks I would say. I'm not a Cryer.

I can't remember much of 6 weeks. I was on auto pilot, literally did not know what I was doing. Sleep deprivation was worse for me, I know it happens but I was hoping to catch up in day but lo didn't want to be put down when sleeping 😂 she was a difficult sleeper and still is now, but I have put so much energy into it and gernally have a good routine now.

The one thing that really upset me was I'm house proud and I couldn't clean or tidy and when I did try to tidy I pulled my wound, which hasn't ever really healed. I still feel twinges if I move wrong now.

I would say things that got me down. Oh not around initially, sleep deprivation, my cleaning and tidy house, not being prepared for what it be after the birth - such as how much sleep they need, not being able to eat without lo in my arms or typically always needs a feed at time I was eating. the feelings of anger towards my LO at times.

I know the above is parenthood but that's what really got me down. I got used to it all. Now at nearly 7 months old I have got a routine, good cleaning etc on track and makes everything so much easier.

Has nobody mentioned the first post-birth poo?! 😬 be prepared.. I became more anxious about that after a few days than I did giving birth.

In all seriousness though I had an episiotomy and stitches - they were sore and felt tight for the first two days but quickly started to ease up. I religiously used spritz for bitz and bath salts and I felt it made a huge difference to my recovery. After a few days I was able to start going on walks and after about a week most of the discomfort had gone. I also used a spray bottle every time I went for a wee for weeks just incase it stung 😂

Also just echoing what others have said about not always feeling that instant rush of love. I was quite surprised at how little I felt initially. I knew I had to care for her but I was also drained and exhausted (and in a state of shock I think) and the first week was chaos with us needing to go back to the hospital for several reasons so we never got the time to just chill, recover/sleep and bond. I remember it feeling a bit like an out of body experience - I was there physically but my mind was elsewhere and I was just kind of going through the motions. After a few weeks though it definitely did come and now I get it when people say you have to get to know your baby.

Oh and I wish someone would have told me beforehand that you will probably find yourself questioning your life choices at 2am when you feel overwhelmed and tired but it honestly does get so much easier and that time passes in a blink of an eye! If you're going to breastfeed be prepared for cluster feeding too - something I didn't know about 😳

Highs and lows, really. It was relentlessly difficult with cluster feeding (at night, usually) but I did go out for lunch and coffee a few times and enjoyed it.

And the state of the house - I remember not going out for a few days because it was torrential rain, then finally stepping outside for a brief walk, coming home and realising the house stunk of unemptied bins, stale milk and nappies. I cried (again) as I love a clean tidy house and there just seemed to be piles of junk and laundry and mugs everywhere.

Remember to be kind to each other and not get into competitive sleep deprivation sniping!

My hazy memories are that everything leaks (including every pore, the night sweats!) and you have a surprising amount of appointments (midwife, HV, getting registered) to attend to when you don't really feel like it. My donut cushion was my best friend too.

I was expecting to have to take so many meds afterwards either, I had to buy a pill box to make sure I didn't miss any 😂

I had straightforward vagina births and no tears so very little discomfort afterwards, so no issues on that front.
For me weeks 2-4 were hard because of the breastfeeding. Despite all of them latching well, I had extremely sore nipples (I have large breasts and large nipples so it was unavoidable), and all of mine cluster fed. I used to cry when they needed another feed because it was so sore.
Generally that phase was lovely though for me. Just make sure you rest as much as you possibly can.

I had a pretty difficult (and long!) labour, 9lb 6oz baby, failed vontouse, emergency forceps, episiotomy, second degree tear going through a very vascular area requiring extensive stitching and vaginal packing and a bloody transfusion. On paper it sounds horrific but actually I was a bit tender for 2 days then fine, paracetamol for a week then nothing, back having sex after 4 weeks (although probably wasn’t a bright idea but hey… hormones). My point being everyone reacts differently so it’s very difficult to prepare for! Good luck

Oh Lord. Straightforward fast birth except for a mildly complex tear (didn't feel it) which needed stitching with a spinal block, took one night to get over that. Then once out of hospital it was all about breastfeeding. Ds and I were both utterly useless at it. I have PCOS which apparently can make it a bit harder to establish, plus ds had mild jaundice so was sleepy. He used to do 45 minutes feeding, drop off to sleep from exhaustion, wake up starving, 45 mins feeding, 10 mins sleeping.... I nearly went nuts. I got lots of advice, none of which seemed to help. I tried pumping and 45 mins pumping would just about cover the bottom of one bottle. I thought we were coping because ds was quite sleepy during the day - he was exhausted and not doing brilliantly weight wise.

At 4 weeks we were admitted to hospital, we started top up feeds and we were fine from that point.

With hindsight, it might have been better if I'd just not got up or seen anyone... but I was borderline depressed and cheered up when seeing people so its a difficult call. Best wishes for the birth and your baby.

Yes as pp have said. I didn't feel this mother child love. Took a month at least, now there is no bigger bond between me and my LO. I would say it developed overtime for me. Even daddy doesn't trump anymore - I do x

No rush of love
Thought of "what have we done?!"
Struggles to BF.
The post partum blues of day 4-ish roughly when your milk is to come in. It lasts 2-3 days and is a very emotional time.
A feeling of "what do I do/how do I do x,y,z"
I remember being very irritated by my partner especially in the first few days after birth. Even him standing a bit too close to me annoyed me!

Be prepared for jaundice, feeding issues, weight loss issues for baby and possibilioof staying in hospital or being readmitted to hospital. It is very common

Expressing milk onto a teaspoon for baby to lick up.
Being "milked" by a midwife....

Clots on pads. Pads of blood having a weird smell even with no infection.

Honestly? The first few weeks were horrible. I had an infected episiotomy wound and bleeding nipples, literally couldn't stop crying for weeks, didn't sleep for longer than a couple of hours at a time (baby wouldn't be put down), and was just horribly anxious about everything. It did get better though. I'm pregnant again now and I'm really hoping for a different experience this time around.

And oh my god the sweating!! I wasn’t prepared for that, soaking with sweat for days!!!