Give me your honest - warts and all - experience of

[Bridie20]

… the postpartum phase please.

Specifically the first 2-4 weeks? I’m trying to find info on what it’ll be like to show my partner but it’s really hard to find much that is comprehensive online.

I don’t mind about ‘scaremongering’ - I am very aware it can be horrendous for some and okay for others. Just want your honest experiences please if you are happy to share?

Thank you!

I do remember the absolute joy of not being pregnant any more. And I was so panicked about the first poo that I had a 2 litre bottle of water and a pack of Fybogel in my hospital bag. In fact it was fine.

I had a straightforward birth and baby took to breastfeeding well and I recall being very happy. But I still needed my husband there with me, helping make decisions, guiding me to go to bed, taking over when the baby didn't stop crying. Every new mother needs a loving, supportive person with her. Day 3 is the hardest, as extreme tiredness kicks in and adrenaline runs out.

Being not pregnant is the BEST feeling

You will feel a very strange sense of immense achievement after doing your first poo a few days after giving birth. You’ll think you can’t do it, but it will be fine!
However many pads you think you will need - double it.
Not everyone’s experience but despite an episiotomy my vagina was no where near as sore as I expected after giving birth. More achy than anything but very manageable. Except when you drink orange juice and then go to the toilet - do not drink orange juice! or get dehydrated.

No initial rush of love for me. I'd honestly have given her back in the first two weeks.

For a few days afterwards I physically felt empty and yearned for her to be inside me again. All my internal organs felt as if they were moving around which I guess they were really.

Evening colic was a nightmare. I couldn't feed her myself which was actually a godsend as we could divide the feeds and the constant walking around with her with colic.

I would very happily go through labour many times - quite enjoyed it, got a real high afterwards and wasn't in too much pain or frightened.

Bit, you couldn't pay me to do the first week post birth again. I've done it three times and I absolutely hate the immediate aftermath. Everything hurts, everything leaks, you are exhausted and I get very very tearful and feel quite low and depressed.

With one of mine, I had terrible SPD and sciatica that was more painful than my infected labial stitches and couldn't walk around or get up and stairs easily so I felt quite isolated stuck in one place a lot of the time.

My stitches meant I found going for a wee terrifying and made me scream! Though I did find pouring warm water from a jug at the same time helped that.

Cluster feeding is overwhelming and it gave me quite bad after pains that made me feel sick.

Can you tell, I hate that stage....

Pooing. Whether it's after a vaginal birth or a c-section. That's something I never want to live through again!!

Honestly, I think I was very lucky. I had an episiotomy and I had heard about how bad recovery from this can be. It was actually fine... Even weeing and pooing after wasn't a big deal. The stitches felt a bit tight and itchy as they were healing but it wasn't a big issue.

I was quite down about my belly taking a while to to back. People even commented on my tummy still sticking out 🙄. I'm naturally quite slim so I do think it shows more. Don't worry if your tummy does take a while to go back. I didn't know anything about disastasis recti prior to giving birth and I wish I'd known about it.

I do think I was extremely lucky though but it's good to know that not everyone has a bad experience.

I don’t honestly remember it that well - it’s a blur, even just 9 months later.

I remember feeling that the days had a weird twilight feel because I was up at all hours of the night and sleeping during the day.

I remember feeling like I was simply too tired to go on but managing anyway.

I remember panicking that if I wasn’t watching my baby breathe he wouldn’t do it (luckily that subsided before too long).

I remember holding him for hours just loving him.

I remember googling ‘when do babies get easier’ a lot. In fact I knew we had turned a corner when I realised I hadn’t googled that in a few days!

I remember him sleeping for hours in the sling while we did puzzles and watched box sets.

I actually thought the first few weeks were OK. I came away unscathed from the birth which helped. Had a heavy period for a couple of weeks and a bit sore. Seriously sore nipples for the first 3 weeks!

I was expecting it to be horrific, to be up with a crying baby all night long but my boy (now 13mo) was kind of chilled. They sleep most of the time. Don't get me wrong it is hard work, constantly breast feeding (sore boobs), nappy changing and washing. But we were coping.

However, I found the tough part started around 3 months. Sleep really hit the skids. If I were to do it all again I'd look into what you can do to help sleep from day one as they go through a major sleep development at 3-5 months. The parent and baby coach has an online course which I wish I had done to prepare.

Also, we sporadically gave my boy a bottle in the first few weeks then stopped for a bit and he wouldn't restart. So I would introduce this early and keep it up. Have dad involved in feeding and putting to sleep and keep it up so you can share the load during the ups and downs.

I was managing feeding/night wakes when he was newborn then when it got rocky and I was struggling he wouldn't want his dad.

Try and agree now how you'll want to split the baby/house work. Id recommend getting a cleaner to save your sanity and relationship!

My over-riding memory of the first few weeks is being more exhausted than I would have believed was possible. Mentally and physically tired from a long labour, then awake to feed every few hours (at best, often awake most of the night), trying to keep up with washing/cooking/cleaning. I didn't get any sudden rush of love (logically I knew I cared for by babies, but actually feeling love came gradually). My expectation was that I would be bursting with love and pride and would want to share the experience with all my family and friends. The reality was that I felt numb and wanted to hide in my home with baby and DH until I felt less tired.

7 weeks post part with my first and I have been incredibly lucky with how easy things have been. I had an EMCS and was in hospital for two days when doing anything was tricky, like a PP said you have no idea how much you use your core muscles until you're not able to anymore! But it's healed well and after the first couple of days after coming home I felt more able to do light duties, DH had to hoover and lift the laundry basket etc.

Breastfeeding has been easy and my DD sleeps fairly well the majority of the time, it's more difficult now she doesn't always nurse to sleep though as I have to feed her then bounce her to get her to drop off.

DH had a month off work so that helped.

But even with all that I've still had days where DH has come home and I've just been in tears because the previous night was a no sleep night and then she's not slept much during the day. The accumulation of lack of sleep and then having to care for a tiny human is definitely the worse, pre-baby I could manage on low sleep for a few weeks but then would need some time to recharge and you just don't get that with a baby!

Our 1st 3 were vaginal births, stitches with them all so a bit sore sitting and peeing. Recoveries were pretty fast and easy, back doing everything straight away, not much pain. 4th was elcs with breech twins, felt pretty normal the day after surgery and was back doing most things when home (1 night stay). I did get an infection but it was cleared up with a week of antibiotics. Baby 6 was born in Aug, cat3 cesarean after over 20hrs of labour, started to get scar rupture and lost 1.6ltr blood in surgery (baby was very big @ 10lb 15oz). I was very unwell and had a lot of pain, I was in hospital for 3 nights. 1st few weeks were a struggle but I tried to get on with jobs around the house. Had an infection which required 2 weeks of antibiotics and got a surgical seroma which is annoying. Now 6.5wk pp and feel fine mostly, I feel ready to get back in the gym lifting weights but waiting until we have our review at the GP's.

The most challenging few weeks of my life, both physically and emotionally. Nothing and no-one can prepare you for it.

I had a traumatic labour which ended in surgery, so I was exhausted. Breast feeding didn't happen and I had a very unsettled newborn who just cried all the time (result of reflux and traumatic birth).

I was in shock and I developed quite severe PNA/D for which I was medicated and referred to perinatal mental health services for intensive support. I was also in physical pain and wretched every time I tried to eat, so I lost a lot of weight.

I didn't love my baby, I felt trapped and I cried for what I had lost. I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life.

BUT I got through it and things improved and I did eventually love my baby. She's 2 years old now and while I'll never be doing the baby bit again, it was absolutely the right choice to have a child. I did not ruin my life forever!

Your vagina will in all likelihood look like it's been passed through a meat grinder, it will also in fact feel like it has. The stitches from the tears/episiotomy are tight and uncomfortable to start with, then they itch like crazy before they eventually heal which can be some considerable time. You may or may not end with some gynecological infection which will likely produce a smell like a skunk died in your nether regions, requiring several weeks of antibiotics and possibly being readmitted to the hospital. You will pass clots of blood, some bigger the size of your hand and wonder what the hell just fell from you as it plops into the toilet. Your dignity remains in the delivery room as midwives make several checks on your battered vagina. Your breasts will engorge with milk within a couple of days, if you breast feed you will have some relief, if you start to breastfeed and then stop soon after, the pain of engorgement can be indescribable, then comes the milk shivers, body cramps, mastitis, until the milk is finally reabsorbed. If you happen to birth via a section, you will be unable to cough/clear your throat or in fact stand up without getting like your guts are shit to exit your abdomen, the pain, and you will still have vaginal bleeding for several weeks even though this wasn't the exit. Your emotions can be erratic and all over the show, one minute you're on cloud 9, the next a sniffling wreck. The exhausting, relentless, need for attention from your helpless baby is all consuming. There will be moments where you wonder what on earth you did, why were you never told all this before you became pregnant, why was noone ever explicit enough about the grim reality of motherhood? The exhaustion was truly the worst of the worst of anything else I have experienced from having new borns .
Things to keep in mind, the memories of these experiences fade very fast, the babies grow very fast, and there is a love you will feel like you've never felt.

On the sleep front, I found it hardest with the 1st and twins. Current one I found the lack of sleep hard when I had so much healing to do in the early weeks and low iron levels but now it's not too bad.

Your vagina will in all likelihood look like it's been passed through a meat grinder, it will also in fact feel like it has.

I would just say don’t be tempted to take a mirror down there. I didn’t even touch the area - I could tell crazy things awaited me if I did. But it will settle down again fairly quickly.
I also found the second week after birth was more achy than the first because I guess the healing really kicks in then. So take things slowly - you might feel fine after 3 days but then worse again after another week so don’t jump into planning activities that are too strenuous.

Oh god yes I agree with not looking. I never did. I know I had an episiotomy as well as a tear but I don't know where it actually was because I never wanted to see. I couldn't pin point where the stitches were because everything was sore and then everything was all right again.

I was quite happy letting midwife and GP check stitches but it's one of the very few aspects of pregnancy and birth where I definitely think ignorance is bliss. I'm grateful that it's healed well enough that I've still no idea to this day.

Yeah do not look at your fanny or try on your old jeans for at least 6 weeks. No good comes of either.

I think first time I was just in shock, nothing went as expected and then there was this baby that I had to look after. In a fair bit of pain and lots of tears (I probably had PPD in hindsight). My DH had to go back to work and had to work away again fairly soon after so I just had to muddle through, I genuinely don't think I've ever been so tired.

Much more prepared second time, did a lot more resting (plus I had a section) and did a bit of quiet laughing at DH who was having a mare with our 3yo - we split the workload and he definitely got the short straw.

I had an emergency c-section - I don't think antenatal class really made it clear that its major abdominal surgery and then you are expected to look after a newborn when you are struggling to walk, sit, get out of bed, walk upstairs, in constant pain and can't sleep for more than 2.5 hours at a time. I could not have done it without my DH and my parents help. We live in a 1st floor flat and I couldn't even lift the pram downstairs to go for a walk and even with help I struggled to push the pram up a slight incline. It took a few months to become independent and around 6 months to feel even remotely normal again but saying that I'm glad to have my vag in tact and my baby had a beautifully shaped head (not that it matters so much) so....

My baby also had reflux which made it really hard physically. She would only sleep in the pram/rocked/bounced on the exercise ball - constant crying while trying to put someone else to sleep who wont go to sleep when all you want to do is collapse in a heap and go to sleep. It was awful and painful after the c-section. It left me exhausted and a bit broken.

Breast feeding was really good - DD latched on straight away and fed for 20 mins on each boob. It was so lovely. The first few weeks are painful but after that I had nipples of steel. Definitely worth persevering but don't put pressure on yourself - a fed baby is the best.

I just want to say that I have grown so much from all these experiences and I have learned that I am stronger both mentally and physically than i could ever have imagined and for this I am grateful. Nothing since has felt like a chore or too hard and that's a good feeling.

I had an episiotomy and was very surprised by the fact I was in SO much pain for so long. I couldn't sit for weeks, would have to be sort of leaning to the side every time I sat down and even then I could feel painful pulling at my stitches. I was taking ibuprofen and paracetamol every 3 hours, probably more than the advice recommends but it was the only thing that made it bearable. As well as being in the shower so I was having about 3 a day 😂

I made the mistake at 2 weeks PP of taking my son to the coffee shop around the corner as my mum kept saying "you need to get out! You can't sit indoors forever!" They only had wooden chairs and I was in tears from the pain by the time I got home.

It really did get better almost overnight one day though. I went to the GP for mastitis and asked them to check my stitches while they were there because it didn't feel normal to be in so much pain 3 weeks post partum. She said they were healing well and like magic, the next day I felt a lot better and it's been fine ever since. The mastitis however ended up becoming an abscess on both sides and required surgery, with even more painful deep dressing packing which needed changing every 2 days. So all in all it took maybe 3 months to not be in constant pain.

Everyone’s experience is going to be different, but I don’t think anyone has mentioned intrusive thoughts yet. Things like “What if I throw my baby down the stairs?” or “I could throw my baby out of the window right now” or “Maybe that truck will swerve off the road and hit my baby.” It’s not talked about much but this is common and just part of adjusting to the weight of responsibility. The intensity of baby care is like nothing else... If the thoughts get distressing or leads to compulsive behaviour, do of course talk to the HV or GP.

Your experience will also differ with each pregnancy. I found the first one I had two weeks of baby blues, walking was uncomfortable due to stitches down there. Sitting on a pillow. Peeing in the shower so I could douche myself and relieve the pain. I was happy to not see anyone in the first month of having the baby. Second one was different, no baby blues, not much pain,no difficulty peeing, rush of adrenaline for 2 weeks and I was very happy to go out and mingle with others. Which I had to do anyways because of my older child. Breastfeeding was much easier with my first than my second one. My first latched easily from birth and my milk came in really quick. Nipples were painful for the first few weeks. My second one didn't latch as well and I was worried she wasn't getting enough milk. Nipples were really painful because she wasn't latching properly and just sucked the nipples rather than around them!

I wasn’t prepared for my hormones to be all over the place - I’ve never been oarticuy’hormonal’ before but my goodness after birth it was horrific with my first. Day 4 especially, I felt like my world was caving in. I also suffered with awful anxiety which came quite out the blue.

With my second, I was prepared for this and had some coping strategies (for me, I have to have a plan for each day - at least one job or place to go and I need to be showered and dressed, I can’t stand being in pjs all day.) also found it easier second time as my hubby was prepared and really helped our hugely, I think we were both just shell-shocked first time round!!

My advice/thoughts after a tough birth and episiotomy.

• get cheap puppy training pads to sleep on - I was waking in a puddle of blood round my hips and milk round my ribs most mornings for a while, and breast pads/pads keep sore nipples and stitches warm, damp and infection-prone

• lochia smells awful. Not at all like a normal period. I thought I was rotting.

• you will be unbelievably hungry if you’re breastfeeding, and let down causes the most intense thirst I’ve ever known. Get a sports-cap strike bottle you can open with one hand and your teeth and keep it with you all the time - there is nothing slower in this world than a partner fetching water for a feeding mum 🤣

• take all the laxatives after birth! I refused them feeling I’d shat myself in front of enough strangers in labour and the resulting constipation was worse than labour.

• don’t have anyone in your house who won’t make themselves tea, wash up after, and happily chat while you have your boobs out

• if your injuries aren’t getting slightly better each day get checked for infection. My stitches looked fine, didn’t smell bad and weren’t hot or pussy/oozing so I thought the pain must be normal, but had a horrible infection and ended up needing 2 weeks of antibiotics to shift it.

• cluster feeding is normal, watch all the box sets and eat every calorie in the house. It’ll pass.

• you will not feel like this forever.