Just can't cope with newborn

[Kirky658]

I have a beautiful baby girl who is coming up to 6 weeks old this week. She was born at 35 weeks by Emergency C Section as I was so ill with severe pre eclampsia. I stayed in hospital for 11 nights and LO in NICU and SCBU for 16 days. Lots of other dramas ensued with both my care and hers and it was an awful experience. We came home around 3 weeks ago and everything was great while DH was on paternity leave as I had loads of help.

Now I feel like I am just failing at every turn. I wanted to breastfeed and she couldn't latch so had to turn to a nipple shield which I hated. When she was in NICU we had to feed her EBM in specific amounts to ensure she put weight on so I can't mentally deal with breastfeeding as I don't know how much she's having now. I am still expressing and bottle feeding 6 times a day.

I just feel like I can't enjoy her being a baby because I get so stressed and anxious over every little thing. She is constantly hungry between feeds but if I feed her more she's often sick as if she can't take that much. I'm just at a loss. My parents have said to give her formula as it will keep her full for longer but with the lack of 'proper' breastfeeding I'd feel even more guilty moving to formula.

I have been referred to the mental health team and having counselling at the moment but I just feel like I can't cope properly. I love her dearly but I just don't know where else to turn.

I can be very difficult being a FTM especially in the first few weeks. You're not alone

I had PPD after DC3 and the best thing I did was to sit on the bed with my knees up and her lying on my legs. It's a lovely way to have just an alone one on one connection with your baby. Sing to them, talk to them

Thank you everyone. ❤️ I've been having a think and I am thinking formula is the way to go. As I'm so stressed and het up, my supply seems to be dwindling which isn't great but is probably helping to make the decision easiest

That's a really positive decision. I'm so pleased you can see a way forward and I hope it brings improvements in your mental health.

Good luck x

That’s great you’ve made the decision. I had to switch to formula with my first child at six weeks. Milk supply was compromised by a traumatic delivery and huge loss of blood. I struggled on absolutely miserable until that point with a constantly hungry baby and nipples ripped to shreds. As soon as I switched he slept through the night.

I can understand how you feel, it’s really tough 😢 I had pregnancy complications and was induced at 37 weeks, after my waters started leaking at 33 weeks. I had a forceps birth that was fairly traumatic with the forceps being placed over DS’s face/eye. He had a cut to the forehead and bad bruising, as well as a lump on the back of his neck. As a result he had bad jaundice and we had to stay in hospital until he was 9 days old, as he would have treatment, then rebound and we would start all over again.

He is 10 weeks now, and despite a tongue tie making breastfeeding difficult, he is still exclusively breastfed. He just had his tongue tie snipped, so I hope this helps.

What I will say is you have to do what’s right for both of you. If breastfeeding is causing a lot of stress and upset, why not try one bottle of formula and see how she takes it and how you feel about it? There’s no point introducing formula if it potentially makes her more sicky, or increase your distress etc, but equally it could help both of you and take the pressure off.

This far I haven’t tried formula, but if things don’t improve with our feeding (his weight gain is good, he just takes a very long time to complete a feed and also fusses at the breast a lot), then I would consider combi feeding, mostly so that we’re not spending every waking hour feeding!

It’s amazing you are being given counselling - if I’m honest I feel I could have really done with this. I asked for a debrief appointment to discus my birth and haven’t even been given that!

@Washeduponthebeach @MintGreenLife bless you both ❤️ I hope your babies are well now.

I've been to the gp today and been diagnosed officially with PND and put onto antidepressants alongside the counselling so hopefully that will help. GP has also prescribed some milk thickeners to see if that helps baby as she thinks she has reflux which is common in preemies.

Well done for seeing the GP today, I'm glad they were helpful.

If it's sertraline you have, I advise you to take it in the morning, not the evening. I found that it affected my sleep for the first few days and taking it in the morning helped. The side effects weren't great but they did wear off and it was worth it.

@Kirky658 im so glad you got help, only upwards from here!💪🏻 I remember these first few days of breastfeeding (I gave up after 4 days) - it’s pretty much impossible not to be depressed. New baby, constant agony from breast pain and section in my case. Let alone having to go through the tough start you went through! Now it’s only going to get better for you, the worst is over now x