Going on holiday without 10mo

[Dontjumptoconclusions]

Looking for a bit of advice here.

I'm bridesmaid at a 4 day destination wedding in November. My DS will be 10 mo then and will be the first time DH and I are away from him for more than one night. I have asked my parents to look after DS as I'd like to be completely available to help the bride during the event.

As the event is getting closer, me and DH are thinking of extending our stay there. With the combination of covid and a newborn, we would like a holiday just ourselves without the baby or a wedding to deal with. Thinking about making it a 10 day holiday instead of 4 days.

GPS are happy to look after DS during this time but I just wanted to ask other people's experience leaving their child for an extended amount of time. I don't want him feeling upset and missing us loads. He doesn't suffer from separation anxiety (which could change in a few months) and he's bottle fed.

Thank you!

I wouldn't. I've only ever been away from my children for 2 nights in a row and would have been in the same country. Up to you but would you not miss your baby?

I will admit I was shocked when you said 10 days, I was expecting 1-2 days alone for you and your partner on top of the wedding so 5-6 days total.

It has been a rough year, I also enjoy time away from my baby and probably will when it becomes babies in a few week. There’s nothing wrong with doing things without them if they’re in a loving place they’re familiar with. I think our DS1 prefers grandparents to our house now 😂 he can’t get out of the seat quick enough when we arrive.

It won’t do the baby any harm I done think, imagine if you were in hospital or something people would be telling you it’s fine, it’s no time at all, all that stuff. So take it with a pinch of salt.

Done = dont

No way would i leave a 10 month old for 10 days. I think you'll find the 4 days away harder than you realise.
I wouldn't leave my 11 year old for 10 days with his dad. I've left him for 7 days with his dad and that's enough for me.

We went away for 5 days when DS was 9 months and my parents looked after him. He was fine but I wouldn't have wanted to leave him for longer, I missed him too much!

I wouldn’t have been able to do even 4 days at that point. Especially with the babies father going with me (not being the one to look after them).

Horses for courses though I guess.

We’ve just been on honeymoon away from our 4 year old & 17 month old.. it was 3 nights & that was fine. In fact, it was a joy. We had a really lovely few child free days. I could have done another couple but no more. I missed my kids so much, I couldn’t wait to give them a massive cuddle. 10 days would be an absolute no for me personally. That’s a long time. For everyone involved. & 10 months old is young.

I really struggled to leave my 17 month old as I couldn’t explain to her that we were going away but would come back. It hurt my heart to think of her feeling confused & sad mummy & daddy weren’t there. She was fine but she clung to me like a limpet when we got home yesterday ❤️

I wouldn't leave my little one(s) at that age for even one night but it's a completely personal choice. If you feel comfortable with this then go for it 😊

My baby girl is 9 months. She's had four or five sleepovers for 1 night at my parents house who live 2 miles away. I enjoy those baby free date nights with DH but miss her terribly and always get her early the next morning.

I think 4 days is fine. I would really struggle being away from her. But needs must if you have wedding duties.

I couldn't be away from my DD for 10 days though. I wouldn't be worrying about her safety but I'd miss he's way too much and would spend the whole time sobbing FaceTiming her and missing her. With covid being a risk and having to isolate id think 10 days is so risky if both parents aren't with your baby.

Can't baby come along and dad look after baby in a hotel and you add an extra few days together?

I just couldn't leave my DD for 10 days it would break me. But that's just me, personally.

I couldn't do it (also have a 10 mo), couldn't even do two nights, but if you're happy then you don't need our permission

I would. I went to Barcelona for 2 nights with my husband when my daughter was 3 months old.

I'd struggle to leave my kids for 4 nights I think after 2 nights I'd be desperate to get home to them. Qi don't think I'd leave a baby that young for more than 1 night.

10 days personally just seems crazy, ur a parent now u shldnt be having that long away from ur baby. 4 day break is still a decent break. I'm sure Ul be wanting bk to baby after that. It's also a long time for gps to be looking after the baby especially when they haven't done more than 1 night. They might not understand what they r letting themselves in for!

I think you'll miss him terribly if you're away for 10 days. Sticking to the original 4 might be better?

@rubyslippers

I think the Covid risk and any potential quarantine could turn a 10 day holiday into a lot more

This. Too risky.

I don't think you've said whether the baby has previously done overnight stays with grandparents? If not, it would be a good idea to do a trial run so everyone can see how that goes.

Personally, I wouldn't even be doing the four nights - but that's partly because I have a breastfeed boob-obsessive baby who wouldn't sleep without me there, so my input isn't entirely relevant. But I'd also be concerned about the possible implications of an unexpected quarantine. Plus, that's a prime age for separation anxiety, even if that's not something your baby has experienced before.

I’m considering doing a similar thing when my baby will be 10 months in January. We’ve already had a couple of overnights away from him while he’s stayed with grandparents so I’m going to build up to a few more days and see how I feel. Perhaps that’s something you could try?
I agree with one of the previous posters that Mumsnet probably isn’t the best place to ask! Personally, if you know your son will be well looked after, have a lovely time with his grandparents and his routine will be stuck to then I would go for it!

God no. 8-12 months is peak 'separation anxiety' stage. Not all babies will have it. I started work around 10 months, and I still remember the look of joy on DDs face when I came to get her at the end of the day, and she settled in as well as any baby they've ever had. They absolutely know enough to miss you at that age, and to know something isn't right, but not to be given any reassurance you'll be coming back.

I went away with work for 3 days around that age but she was with her daddy and again, delighted to see me when I came back. I really really wouldn't do longer than that. The risk of them being unsettled for a long time after just isn't worth it, I think its just a bad age for that.

10 days!!!!!!!! I couldn't even consider it!!!
There's a difference between a break for a few days and ten days. Obviously if you want to leave your baby for that long that's your decision I don't know why your asking mums net as I'm sure you won't like the answers.

Baby doesn't suffer separation anxiety ....I'm not surprised when mum n dad are happy to leave him 10 days at ten months old. Probably used to been pass the parcel.

No way, sorry OP. 10 days is too long at that age IMO!

Have his grandparents had him for extended periods of time before? 10 days is a hell of a lot to ask of grandparents with such a young baby. I'm sure it's been a long time since they've cared for their own babies and I think you do forget what it's like and how draining it can be, especially if he ends up going through a sleep regression or is teething or one of the myriad other things that makes 10mo babies a nightmare. My mum looked after my DNiece for one day a week and she is fit, healthy, active, and said she was knackered by the end of it!

Mine are 9 and 11 and I couldn't enjoy a holiday while they were stuck at home

Really?? I’m leaving my 11 and 16 year olds for a week soon. I can’t bloody wait!!! I asked them if they were ok with me going and they both said “why would we care?”

I think the main issue for me is that a 10 month old doesn’t understand where you have gone or why.
That’s why I wouldn’t leave my 1 year old yet, he can’t talk to say if he’s upset, and he can’t really understand time or why dh or I would be gone.

From say 3+ years I would be happier to leave them as they can understand the concept better of you will go but come back

No. 1 night maximum for me. Babies need a trusting bond with their primary carer.

No would never leave my baby not even for a night, I wouldn’t even leave her a street away down road at my mums when she offered to have her for the night

I'd be worried about the GPs - my 9mo has started crawling and I'm on my feet all the time moving her out of the way of things. She's also teething so is more upset than usual. At 10mo my DS had abandoned sleep and was up 3-6 times a night. There's babies at our messy play group walking at 10mo. I think it's a lot to expect of the GPs.