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Original poster

Going on holiday without 10mo

80 replies

Dontjumptoconclusions · 31/08/2021 07:32

Looking for a bit of advice here.

I'm bridesmaid at a 4 day destination wedding in November. My DS will be 10 mo then and will be the first time DH and I are away from him for more than one night. I have asked my parents to look after DS as I'd like to be completely available to help the bride during the event.

As the event is getting closer, me and DH are thinking of extending our stay there. With the combination of covid and a newborn, we would like a holiday just ourselves without the baby or a wedding to deal with. Thinking about making it a 10 day holiday instead of 4 days.

GPS are happy to look after DS during this time but I just wanted to ask other people's experience leaving their child for an extended amount of time. I don't want him feeling upset and missing us loads. He doesn't suffer from separation anxiety (which could change in a few months) and he's bottle fed.

Thank you!

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Quartz2208 · 31/08/2021 09:11

I think you are trying to run here before you have tried to walk. Leaving is such a personal choice and everyone has there own boundaries and length of time that they find they can cope with.

You may well be fine with 10 days but having not tried for 4 you are risking realising that you miss him and are stuck coupled with all the added risks of Covid it seems a lot

Can’t you add in just a couple of days at the end - I think 5/6 nights at that age is pushing the limit of most peoples boundaries

RevolvingPivot · 31/08/2021 09:13

How could you have a holiday without your children??

If you want kid free holidays then don't have children.

Who goes away for 10 days and doesn't take the kids?

Your husband can look after the baby while you help the bride???

Mine are 9 and 11 and I couldn't enjoy a holiday while they were stuck at home.

Poppy709 · 31/08/2021 10:14

No I couldn’t do it. I love a night away but couldn’t do ten days, I also would really struggle to be abroad, say your DC became ill, you could end up having to quarantine and not be able to get back for them.

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KingdomScrolls · 31/08/2021 10:16

That's a very personal choice, I cried when I left my DS at nursery for the day (in the car obvs), my DB and SIL went on holiday when both of theirs were young and left them with my parents. Only you know which end of the spectrum you are

MrsSkylerWhite · 31/08/2021 10:17

I wouldn’t want to but only you know your relationship.

HungryHippo11 · 31/08/2021 10:19

I definitely would not leave a baby for 10 days. I probably wouldn't leave them for 4 either but I guess that's non-negotiable? I also think its unreasonable to ask grandparents to have them for that length of time. Although they may have said they're OK with it, they may not realise how much work it is.

tiredmama2020 · 31/08/2021 10:19

I have a 10m old at the moment and i can’t imagine spending one night away from him if I’m honest! I have friends who’s kids have done overnights at GPs from a few weeks old though so completely depends what you’re comfortable with.
As others have pointed out though - the risk of quarantine/changing travel restrictions could very quickly turn it into a much longer trip than planned.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 31/08/2021 10:20

Mine are 9 and 11 and I couldn't enjoy a holiday while they were stuck at home

The martyrdom is strong with this one. You honestly never have a break away without your kids? Ever?

DelphiniumBlue · 31/08/2021 10:26

I don't think I could leave a 10 month old baby overnight, let alone 10 days.
And with the pandemic, a 10 day trip could turn in to much longer - have you seen all the Aussies unable to get home, the New Zealanders unable to get back to their families, the cancelled flights, the being unable to book into compulsory quarantine hotels? I don't know what your "destination" is, but I wouldn't risk it.

Tataru · 31/08/2021 10:26

Ten days would have been way too long for me at that age, and still would be (she's 2.5). Four days would have been a struggle and I would only have done that for an emergency situation. But that's me, not you.

NLondondiva · 31/08/2021 10:32

I wouldn’t even do 4 days. At that age they are just learning about separation so will assume you are not returning to them and be pretty distressed (inwardly even if they seem happy). What they experience now can impact on their emotions in later life so I’d be wary. I’m by no means an expert though so do some reading on "attachment in infants" and make your own mind up.

Also read Philippa Perry "The Book You Wish Your Parents had Read"

(Fully aware that I may be projecting slightly as, having learnt recently about attachement theory and its significance, I now regret some similar decisions I made with my own DC when they were tiny. I just wish I’d been better informed.)

LalalalalalaLand123 · 31/08/2021 10:45

Personally I certainly wouldn't have left my young DC for even 4 days, let alone even consider 10. Maybe a weekend if I really needed to, maximum.

BibbyDarling · 31/08/2021 10:46

Nope, no way.

Caspianberg · 31/08/2021 10:50

No sorry, I wouldn’t have left mine at that age.
Can you not just take baby with you, dh stays with baby for wedding and the rest of the time together

BaringasMare · 31/08/2021 10:59

Every parent is going to be different on this. I couldn’t do it, but others could - neither is right or wrong, just different feelings.

However, it’s a long time for you to go when you don’t know how you will feel. If you haven’t left him for a shorter stay before, you don’t know how you will feel about a longer one. That would put me off. I can’t imagine anything more stressful than regretting going away and having to wait 10 days to get back.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 31/08/2021 11:00

Totally up to you and baby will no doubt be absolutely fine after the first 24 hours. I still don't leave my 6 and 10 year olds for more than 5 days and definitely wouldnt have done more than one night at this age.

Figgygal · 31/08/2021 11:03

4 days I would have done
10 days no way

FlowerArranger · 31/08/2021 11:05

We left our 10 months old twins with husband's parents for a week to go skiing.

I so deserved it. As did he. We had a great time and so did the boys!

DollyPartBaked · 31/08/2021 11:05

I have a 10 month old baby now and they are still a small baby. I would be delighted for an evening out or even an overnight stay but would no way leave them for more than that - I think it would be damaging and also for me personally I just couldn't do it.

But obviously it's a personal decision and depends on your relationship and how often they see their grandparents.

LitCrit · 31/08/2021 11:08

Definitely read up on attachment in infants before you do four days, let alone ten.

Pissinthepottyplease · 31/08/2021 11:20

I wouldn’t be leaving a bay for 4 days.

sHREDDIES19 · 31/08/2021 11:32

I agree with pp that even leaving older kids for that amount of time seems unthinkable! And that's when they understand you're away and you can communicate with them. A 10 month old won't have a clue where you both are, and I imagine would be fretting for you both. I think it's a bit cruel to put that level of stress and anxiety on a little baby. I know in the grand scheme they won't remember it and it won't have any lasting impact but in the moment they'll hate it and you probably won't enjoy yourself as much as you think.

decafforme · 31/08/2021 11:35

I couldn't do it. My dc is 18 months and not stayed overnight once yet and I'm still
Not keen now restrictions allow.

However I think if you're comfortable with it go for it and enjoy yourself! Although the 10 days does seem quite long for the dc to be away from its parents.

Tataru · 31/08/2021 11:41

I'm leaving 2.5yo DD at home with DH for two nights next week as I'm going to see my friend and her new baby. She's been struggling a bit so I want to go and help her out and not inflict a toddler on her But I'm very anxious about leaving DD and probably wouldn't have chosen to otherwise. I'm sure I will enjoy it and she will be fine with my husband and they will have fun but I will be glad to get back to her for sure!

littlebird17 · 31/08/2021 11:42

I think it's a very personal choice and all depends on what you're comfortable with. 10 days is very long time for a little baby.

Also, at 10 months separation anxiety becomes a big thing. I returned to work at that time and it was awful.

We went abroad without DD for 5 days but she was 2.5yrs and that was our honeymoon! 5 days was definitely long enough

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