Mum shamed

[Lioness21]

I feel so upset I’ve just been mum shamed.

My dd is 20 months old and always been a great sleeper. She had a tummy bug and bad cold for the last couple of weeks but been fine the last week. However she has got in the habit of waking during the night.
I’m trying to leave her (knowing she is perfectly fine and safe to resettle herself however my neighbour has just come out a d asked if any one is going to do anything about that crying child! I feel like the worst mum ever and now have her downstairs (absolutely fine as there is nothing wrong with her) and I’m too scared to put her to bed as she will scream again and wake the neighbours. I’ve never felt so awful and judged!

Hi op, I have a 20 month old and my situation is a bit different, he's always been an awful sleeper and still won't self settle, we've tried everything, believe me! So not sure you'll want my advice, but I wanted to offer some support.

When my ds wakes in the night and it is clear he is Awake and the normal quiet cuddle etc won't cut it, we do a total re set. Downstairs, new nappy, check pj's aren't too hot/cold/tight etc, some give calpol if he's Upset Awake and has been teething etc. All of this with The Clangers on for 10 mins, then his bed time book. Back upstairs, sleepy music on, cuddle /feed whatever. I can honestly say most of the time it works. It just seems to help him realise it is still bed time! I know it won't work for everyone but wanted to put it out there in case it was useful.

You won't get a consensus on this, op. It's a very divided subject.

As I said in my pp, own it and approach neighbour. It's short term pain for long term gain. I would imagine neighbour may be feeling a tad sheepish too.

I agree with pp and I wouldn't go downstairs either.

I think if I'd been woken repeatedly over multiple nights by not my child I'm not sure that I'd be that polite either. Id pop round to explain and apologise.

I don't leave either of mine to cry in the night because it's not fair on the neighbours, if they can't be soothed in bed then we come downstairs and sit in the dark and it often works as a reset.

I think the neighbour was rude and I'd have felt the same op

They didn’t know that you were going in to comfort her. All they would have heard is her crying on and off.

Communicate with your neighbour, explain what is happening and apologise in advance.

I would be annoyed at being kept up to. Especially if I thought someone could do something but wasn’t.

@B1rthis

You're sleep training a baby. It's illegal in some countries and extremely damaging to the stress hormones of a developing small person. Your baby is responding very healthily, reaching out for a care giver to help them navigate through their waking. If an adult communicated and you ignored until they cried people would comment too.

I agree. The poor little thing feels completely abandoned. Get up and settle her yourself.

@AutumnLeafDance Why don't you read the OPs actual posts instead of quoting something tangential? She has been clear numerous times that she isn't leaving the kid to cry.

Hope tonight goes well OP and that you managed to explain to the neighbour today

@AutumnLeafDance unhelpful comment. Whatever happened to reading the OP’s posts? 🙄

OP, I hope your DD has been a bit more settled tonight.

Perhaps you should take her downstairs, turn off the TV and the lights, just sit on the sofa quietly and cuddle her.
She might get bored enough to want to go back up?
It did work on one of ours.